The Nanny – S01, Ep17 – Stop the Wedding, I Want to Get Off

Show: The Nanny
Season: 1
Episode: 17
Title: Stop the Wedding, I Want to Get Off
Original Air Date: March 16, 1994

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Favorite Quotes:

* CC: How does Miss Fine know about her?
Niles: He talks in his sleep.

* Fran: Don’t be greedy, God will punish you.
[Miss Babcock walks in]
Fran: See?

* Fran: Well, honey, you’re marrying a duke. If it were me I’d be throwing leaflets out of the goodyear blimp and my mother would be flying it.

* Fran: Mark my words, Jocelyn don’t love the Duke.

* Fran: Well I got the song, “Baby you could drive my car.”

* Fran: She’s very sensitive. She senses doom.
Max: Miss Fine, she senses doom at Disneyland.

* CC: Maxwell, I just love weddings.
Niles: Well, we all want what we can’t have.

* Max: Miss Fine, where is Jocelyn? It’s time to give her away.
Fran: Too late, she’s already gone.

* Fran: Next time I get a hunch I say we go to the track.

Synopsis: Max is on the phone with his sister in London. She is coming to visit and bringing a man with her. Max and Niles are shocked because she’s never brought a man to meet the family. It’s now the day of Jocelyn’s arrival. The doorbell rings and Max answers it. They happily greet each other. Her boyfriend is the Duke of Salisbury. Her driver, Lester, brings in the bags. They all sit and chat. The pair announce they are engaged. At dinner, Miss Babcock arrives. Fran offers to help plan the wedding. They decide to get married the following Sunday. Grace is worried about being the flower girl. Some wedding supplies arrive with Kenny, but he’s afraid to stay. Fran shows her the dress but she is skittish. She asks her about favorite songs, but she comes up empty. Jocelyn goes for a ride and her driver Lester is the only one able to give Fran all the answers for the ceremony. As Fran and Niles talk in the kitchen Lester brings in Jocelyn, in his arms. Fran starts to become suspicious. Later that night, Fran wakes up Max. She tells him that Jocelyn is in love with Lester and that he needs to call off the wedding. Max is incensed. It’s the day of the wedding and everyone is nervous. Fran promises not to mention anything to Jocelyn. So instead she has a chat with Lester. As the guests arrive, Miss Babcock acts quite lecherous towards Max. In Max’s office, Jocelyn is getting ready. Lester sneaks in to tender his resignation. Before he leaves he starts kissing her arm. Meanwhile, the wedding is starting. Fran goes into Max’s office to find Jocelyn and Lester kissing. When Max finds out he’s furious. Fran has Kenny do some standup comedy to stall. The Duke discovers the two kissing and is heartbroken. Max and she make up. Lester proposes and she accepts. Fran ends the comedy routine and then replaces the Duke with Lester. Max walks Jocelyn down the aisle. Later that evening Max gives Fran the bouquet she caught.

The Nanny S01, Ep16 – Schlepped Away

Show: The Nanny
Season: 1
Episode: 16
Title: Schlepped Away
Original Air Date: March 9, 1994

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Favorite Quotes:

* Fran: If we’re going to Gilligan’s Island I want to be Ginger.

* Maggie: These lifeguards are gorgeous. I can’t wait to drown.

* CC: If this doesn’t knock me out hit me with the bottle.

* Maggie: I’m in hell.
CC: Join the club.

* Niles: If you’re looking for the hot water bottle, that’s not it.

Synopsis: Everyone is down due to all the snow. They decide to take a vacation. Max tells CC about their vacation. She tries to tag along but it doesn’t work. Fran waltzes in with a new bikini for the vacation. CC is upset that Fran is going too. Everyone is in the limo heading to the airport. They take one of Fran’s shortcuts and get lost. She asks to go to her mother’s house so she can figure out where they are. Fran’s mother is upset they didn’t call first. The weather has turned into a blizzard and now they are stuck there. Everyone is in the living room watching TV. Fran comes out in her vacation outfit. The family is trying their best to enjoy their vacation at Fran’s mothers house. The doorbell rings and it’s a teenager from the building named Kenny. Maggie and Kenny seem to hit it off. Max and Fran get something out of the freezer for Sylvia. But the meat has a note, and it’s not from her dad but the butcher. Fran can’t sleep because she is upset over the note. Fran and Max talk in the kitchen. CC tries to sneak into bed with Max, but it’s actually Niles. At breakfast the next day Sylvia and Fran fight. They take it to the kitchen but continue. Fran confronts her about the note. Sylvia tells her they just flirt, nothing more. They reach an understanding. That evening the group is watching Wheel of Fortune. CC runs in exclaiming the roads are clear and the airport is open. Everyone runs for the door. In the limo Fran notices Brighton is missing. He’s still at Slyvia’s.

The Nanny S01, Ep15 – Deep Throat

Show: The Nanny
Season: 1
Episode: 15
Title: Deep Throat
Original Air Date: March 2, 1994

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Favorite Quotes:

* Fran: Genug with the bells already! We’re not deaf!!
Niles: Until now.

* CC: Maxwell, you tease, you wouldn’t leave me hanging, would you?
Niles: No, we’d cut you down in a week or two.

* Fran: This is New York. You can’t get a doctor to make a house call if your spleen was sitting next to you on the couch.

* Doctor: I’m afraid I’m going to have to take those tonsils out.
Fran: Well unless you’re talking about dinner and dancing, they’re not interested.

* Fran: Can’t you all wait until they hang the tag on my toe?

* CC: Dear Niles, always so witty, especially for a servant.
Niles: At least when I offer something people take it.

* CC: I can’t show up without an escort.
Niles: Why don’t you just inflate one like you usually do.

* Fran: Chester Metfield, I love you.

Synopsis: All three kids are sick and Fran and Niles are trying not to lose their minds. Niles tells a story about his childhood. CC expresses concern about the children being sick, but it’s for her own selfish reasons. She wants Maxwell to escort her to her reunion. Fran comes into Max’s office and gets informed about the reunion. Fran starts coughing and everyone worries she’s coming down with something. She takes Grace to see the doctor. Grace is on the mend. But he looks at Fran’s throat and sees trouble. She has to have her tonsils taken out. Fran is settling in at the hospital for the operation and is nervous. Max tries to comfort and calm her. Grace gives Fran her favorite teddy bear to keep her company. Fran causes all kinds of problem for her roommate. The next morning the kids come to visit. Niles, Max and CC arrive as well. Max tries to cheer Fran up and offers to stay through her surgery. CC is upset because it means he’ll miss her reunion. CC goes to the reunion alone. It’s a miserable experience for her. Back at the hospital Fran is getting prepped for surgery. In her medicated state she makes a pass at Max and as she is being wheeled to surgery she tells him she loves him. The doctor informs them she came through the surgery fine. Max gets a little crazy over her drug induced declaration of love. It’s short lived, apparently, she is telling everyone she loves them. At CC’s reunion she is drunk as a skunk and Max finally shows up. However, everyone is gone. Back at the mansion Fran is recovering and Niles is sick. They drive the kids crazy with the bells. CC then proceeds to drink urine, thinking it’s apple juice.

The Nanny S01, Ep14 – The Family Plumbing

Show: The Nanny
Season: 1
Episode: 14
Title: The Family Plumbing
Original Air Date: February 9, 1994

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Favorite Quotes:

* Max: I suppose there’s no tea.
Niles: Here suck on this.

* Fran: Irving is a legend. Before he set up shop they didn’t call it Flushing.

* Max: How does she keep from falling forward?
Fran: Even if she did she’d bounce back up.

* Fran: My cousin Tiffany is still in Pampers.
Tiffany: Good news, I’m potty trained.

* Fran: I don’t like to hear plumbers or hair dressers say “uh oh.”

* Maggie: I can’t believe this, even the troll has a social life.

* Grace: Look, Fran, giant Barbie dolls. Will you play with me?
Fran: No honey, these toys are for boys.

* Fran: Wow look at you two, you’re like a couple of cats outside the fish store.

* Fran: You know this grungy look is very cute on you.

* Niles: Miss Fine you spend so much time up this creek I should think by now you’d have bought a paddle.

* Fran: I didn’t see anything except for your double standard.

Synopsis: The family is having breakfast but the house has no water. Everyone looks Hagrid. However, Fran looks fabulous. She used her full supply of wet wipes. Fran suggests her second cousin who is a plumber. Max wants water again so badly he allows Fran to hire her cousin. Maggie is upset with Max. She wants to go to a party but Max won’t let her. Fran joins them to break up the yelling. Apparently, it’s a make out party. Max pleads his case to Fran and sends Maggie to her room. Niles brings Max the show girls resumes. The plumber finally arrives. He comes with a small cousin as well, Tiffany. Brighton and Niles fight over who gets to look through the keyhole during showgirl auditions. Fran sends Brighton and Tiffany off to play. Irving is taking forever to fix the plumbing. Brighton and Tiffany come down arguing about the two Darrin’s. Fran tries to console Maggie about not going to the party. In the living room Grace and Brighton are checking out the showgirls. Fran heads into Max’s office and teases Max and Niles. Max is pissed because the water is still not working. Fran heads upstairs to find Irving and get the water working, but she finds Brighton and Tiffany making out in the bathtub. Fran sends Brighton to his room and Tiffany to hurry her grandfather along. Fran looks to Niles for consoling. Max storms into the kitchen upset that there still isn’t any water. She was worried she was about to get canned. Grace then spills the beans. Fran tells him about Brighton and Tiffany kissing. Instead of being upset he’s thrilled about it. Maggie finds Fran and complains about how she is being treated. Fran informs her that there is nothing she can do at this point. So Fran heads upstairs to find Max. She hears the shower running and thinks it’s the kids but it’s Max in the shower. She freaks out and leaves the bathroom. Downstairs, Irving is leaving. Tiffany dumps Brighton. Fran is looking for Max and finds him hiding on the porch. She apologizes for walking in on him. She teases him a little. Then calls him out on his double standard. Fran points out that Maggie needs to be able to learn to handle 14-year-old boys so she can learn to handle full grown men. Maggie can now go to the party.

The Nanny S01, Ep13 – Maggie the Model

Show: The Nanny
Season: 1
Episode: 13
Title: Maggie The Model
Original Air Date: February 2, 1994

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Favorite Quotes:

* Fran: Why is it whenever someone important is coming over you can never get your hair big enough?

* Max: Niles, will supper be long?
Niles: Interminable, sir.

* CC: I don’t want to be let off the hook.
Niles: She wants her hooks in.

* Chloe: I can take it from here.
Fran: Yeah, I can tell you just were to put it too.

* Fran: Yeah, I know what Chloe says, but can’t we just cross that bitch when we get to it.

Synopsis: Brighton is harassing Gracie so Fran puts a stop to it. Max comes home and announces that they will have a dinner guest, Chloe Simpson. When Niles finds out who is coming to dinner he’s enraged. Chloe arrives and doesn’t seem to remember her relationship with Max. In Max’s office he tells CC he’s changed the location of the backer’s auditions. She’s upset that she is not invited. Fran comes in and proceeds to glow over Chloe. Chloe calls and tells Max she has set up a text for Maggie to be a model at her agency. Fran tells Maggie and she is thrilled. They go crazy over the modeling gig. However, Chloe comes in and steals Fran’s thunder. In the kitchen Fran complains to Niles. CC enters and she is just as upset. Maggie and Fran are at the model test. The test doesn’t go well. Back at the house Maggie is going overboard with the modeling. Fran tries to get her to have realistic expectations, but they wind up fighting. Chloe brings over the photos and tells her she stinks. Chloe dashes off to Paris leaving Max behind. Fran politely kicks her out and trips her as she exits. In the kitchen Maggie and Fran make up. Max comes down stairs and tries to comfort Maggie. Fran sits Max down to tell him about Chloe as she pours him some tea.

The Nanny S01, Ep12 – The Show Must Go On

Show: The Nanny
Season: 1
Episode: 12
Title: The Show Must Go On
Original Air Date: January 26, 1994

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Favorite Quotes:

* Max: Have you ever thought of choosing a wardrobe based on comfort?

* Fran: We are making quite a stir. Guess I wore the right outfit.

* Fran: Her shade of lipstick looks great on your butt.

* Fran: You’re not a flower, you’re a fungus.

* Max: Why are they wearing paper bags on their heads?
Fran: They’re mushroom caps.

* Grace: It was more fun when you were directing.

Synopsis: Fran is trying to pick out an outfit for the PTA meeting. She actually gets Max to go with her to the meeting. At the meeting they get a lot of attention. The school play is coming up and they want Max to direct it. But one of the parents comes up and complements her outfit. The meeting finally starts. Max gets out of directing by volunteering Fran. Tryouts for the play are held at the house. One of the little girls starts making a play for Brighton and he runs for it. Fran and Max disagree about casting choices. At the school auditorium the principal is not excited about how the show is going. Max is concerned about the costumes and the set. Max replaces her as director. Practice continues with Max at the helm, the enthusiasm dwindles. Back at the house they hear Gracie tap dancing for hours. Fran tries to get Max to lighten up. It’s the night of the play and everyone is there to see it. Max comes out to ask Fran for help as Grace is refusing to go on. Max apologizes to Fran to get her to help. He realizes he’s turning into his father. Fran tells Grace that Andrea can take over and suddenly Grace is prepared to go on. The pageant and Gracie are a hit.

The Nanny S01, Ep11 – A Plot for Nanny

Show: The Nanny
Season: 1
Episode: 11
Title: A Plot for Nanny
Original Air Date: January 19, 1994

Guest Stars:
Renée Taylor: Sylvia Fine (as Reneé Taylor)
Matt McCoy: Steve Mintz

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Favorite Quotes:

* Fran: Just on the night that my life is ending hers is just beginning.

* Fran: What? I’m gonna get all dolled up for some creepy funeral director?

* Fran: So you set me up? These plots were a plot.

* Max: Come on in let me fix you a cup of coffin—coffee. Accident I swear.

* Max: Maggie dear, next time you go to a coffee house try decaf.

* Max: This is all very awkward; I’ve not had to have this conversation with the other nannies. Of course they weren’t nearly as attractive as you.

Synopsis: Everyone sings Happy Birthday to Fran as she blows out the candles on her birthday cake. Max gives Fran a pair of tickets for her birthday. Maggie comes running in and tells Fran that she heard through the grape vine that Philip Drake is going to as her out. Sylvia gives her an extra birthday present; it’s a plot in a cemetery. Fran and Sylvia head to the cemetery to speak to the manager. The funeral director comes out and Fran is all smiles. She is upset that it was all a set up. Sylvia continues to try and set them up. Fran and Steve haggle over plot upgrades. They wind up setting up a date. Later that evening, Maggie and Fran are getting ready for their dates. Downstairs, Grace is upset that Fran is going out, but she recorded the next chapter. Fran’s date arrives and both Max and Niles crack jokes. Later that evening, Grace and Brighton are watching Fran’s taped reading when Max ushers them off to bed. Niles is in the kitchen having a brandy and a cigar but Max takes them both. Max is perturbed by Fran’s date. When Max opens the back door to take out the trash Fran and Steve are there in a liplock. The next morning Maggie goes on and on about her date. Max asks Fran how her date went. Max wants Niles to give Fran some rules but he refuses. CC walks in and takes the plate of food Niles was making for himself. Niles drops a bomb on CC that leaves her speechless. Max visits Fran in her room getting ready for her lunch date. His attempt to talk to her about having guys over doesn’t go so well. Fran meets Steve at the mortuary. He breaks the news to her that he is going to Clown College. Maggie comes home declaring she hates men. They commiserate over their now ex-boyfriend. Max and Brighton are thrilled they are single again. Later, Sylvia is upset with Fran for dumping the mortician/clown. Max pops in and asks her opinion on ties and cuff links.

The Nanny S01, Ep10 – The Nanny-in-Law

Show: The Nanny
Season: 1
Episode: 10
Title: The Nanny-in-Law
Original Air Date: January 12, 1994

Guest Stars:
Cloris Leachman: Clara Mueller
Lu Leonard: Nanny #2
Peggy Blow: Nanny #3
Irene Olga López: Lupe (as Irene Olga Lopez)

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Favorite Quotes:

* Niles: Oh, sir, I would be lost without you.

* Fran: She hates my guts.

* Fran: Far be it from me to poopoo the Pooh, but Gracie is not like most children.

* Fran: So does that mean my jobs not in jeopardy?
Max: No more than usual.

* Fran: Oh Mister Sheffield, you forgot your balls.

* Fran: Look, I want nanny Mueller to have a life, just not mine.

Synopsis: Fran is excited because Max’s nanny is coming to visit. But Max is freaked out. Fran and Max’s nanny meet and they’re off to a rocky start. At breakfast the next morning the nanny does not have the nicest things to say to anyone. Niles shows her to her room, and they clearly had an affair, and they pick up where they left off. The kids and Fran are in the kitchen. Nanny walks in and spews more disapproval and nastiest. CC is upset because her mother is going to travel alone and she is worried about he inheritance. Fran complains to Max about the nanny. CC waxes poetic about her nanny. But Max’s nanny has put all the kids in sailor suits. Max appears to realize there is an issue. At the park Fran and the other nannies complain. Back at the house everyone is eating dinner, but Fran is absent. Fran enters wearing a uniform and leaves Max speechless. The nanny actually puts Fran down and Max is not happy. While CC is thrilled. Later in the kitchen Max tells Fran to take off the uniform and be herself. Max is upset about what his nanny is doing. They hear Niles and nanny and hide to spy on them. They’re having pudding together. The next day Niles is exhausted, but the nanny is perky. Fran sweetly lets it slip that she knows. Nanny gets nasty with Fran again and they have it out. Max storms back in and kicks her out, but Fran surprises them both by making him apologize. Nanny is leaving, she’ll accompany CC’s mom on her trip to Japan. Fran comes down the stairs in her version of her uniform, which nanny loves.

The Nanny S01, Ep09 – Personal Business

Show: The Nanny
Season: 1
Episode: 9
Title: Personal Business
Original Air Date: December 29, 1993

Guest Stars:
Stephen Nichols: Brock Storm
Rachel Chagall: Val Toriello

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Favorite Quotes:

* CC: Please I am on the phone.
Fran: Well, I hope it’s nothing personal cuz he’ll snap your head off.

* Fran: Look he’s gonna drool again.
Niles: The man is a master of bodily fluids.

* Niles: So actually you’ll be doing her a favor as opposed to say, pimping her.

* Fran: Honey, the secret to putting on blush is less is more. The exact opposite of hairspray.

* Max: Is it just me or is he the phoniest person on Earth?
Niles: Would that be counting Miss Babcock?

* Niles: Are you worried she’ll have a good time or a bad time?

* Fran: I have a good mind to report you to soap opera digest. You are nothing like Dr. River Shane.
Brock: No but I’m exactly like his evil twin.

Synopsis: Fran enters the dining room in a bathrobe. Max isn’t amused. Then Maggie comes in in the same bathroom. Val calls on the business line and Max flips out because he misses a call from Japan. Max is in his office and Grace barges in quickly followed by Fran. CC brags that she got Brock Storm to be in their shows. Fran gets excited as he’s on her soap opera. Brock is audtioning and Max is not impressed. Fran and the kids come back. Her outfit is clearly for Brock’s benefit. He’s smitten. They flirt and CC threatens Fran. Brock agrees to his play, if he gets Fran. Max finally catches on. Fran and the kids are watching Brock’s soap. Max is upset over Brock wanting Fran and does not want to put her in the middle. But he decides to see how Fran feels about it. Max calls Fran into his office. He tells her that he has set her up with Brock and she is thrilled. She hugs Max and almost CC in her excitement. But she realizes it’s for the show and she brings up Max’s rule about not mixing business and personal. Fran gets ready for her date with Brock. Brock arrives and everyone is excited. Fran makes her entrance and Brock can’t take his eyes off her. Max is jealous. Fran and Brock are on their date. However, Fran is not all that impressed and asked to be taken home. He quotes a soap opera line. Max and Brighton waited up for her. Fran tells him it did not go well he just wanted one thing. Max is incensed. He admits he was worried. They share a moment.

The Nanny S01, Ep08 – The Christmas Episode

Show: The Nanny
Season: 1
Episode: 8
Title: The Christmas Episode
Original Air Date: December 22, 1993

Guest Stars:
Allan Rich: Pauly the Pawnbroker
Rachel Chagall: Val Toriello
Richard Roat: Santa Claus
Kort Falkenberg: Priest
Lawrence Mandley: Orderly #1 (as Lawrence A. Mandley)
William Palmieri: Orderly #2
Jean Ford: Nurse

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Favorite Quotes:

* Fran: Niles you old Scrooge, get into the Christmas spirit.
Niles: Ah, spoken like someone who doesn’t have to clean it all up.

* Grace: Father’s very anal about his tree trimming.

* Fran: He’s moving Christmas? You can do that?

* Grace: Isn’t that cute? She still believes in Santa.
Fran: Honey, I believe in anyone that delivers.

* Max: The only reason I’m going away with Miss Babcock is for charity.

* Fran: May the testosterone be with you.

* Fran: Look, Grace, Santa took a bite out of the cookies we left him.
Grace: I didn’t know Santa wore red lipstick.

Synopsis: Fran and the kids return home from ice skating. Niles is being a Scrooge and Fran gets him in the spirit. Every decorates the Christmas tree. She gets introduced to Max’s tree trimming order. Fran tells a story about a Christmas tree her family accidentally set on fire. Max asks Fran if she can work on Christmas Day and she accepts. But then Max informs her he won’t be home for Christmas and Fran and the kids are disappointed. The kids explain to Fran that Max’s personal shopper buys all their gifts. When Fran asks them what they want for Christmas, Grace responds all she wants is her dad for Christmas. Later CC stands under some mistletoe to try and get Max to kiss her but Fran walks up and gives her a kiss on her cheek. Fran tries to get Max to stay for Christmas. He insists that he has to do this for charity and it’s the only reason he is going away with Miss Babcock. Fran is just completely upset about the whole thing. Miss Babcock suggests Fran gets the kids the presents instead of his personal shopper. Upon Fran’s return from shopping she finds Max trying to put a bike together for Brighton, without much success. Fran went on a shopping spree for the kids, counting on the bonus from Max to cover the checks. It’s Christmas Eve morning and everyone comes downstairs for their day before Christmas celebration. Fran is wearing something she appears to have stolen from Mrs. Clause. They all open their gifts. Max gives Niles his bonus. But Max gives Fran a gift instead of a bonus. She freaks out. Niles offers to lend her the money but she passes because she won’t pay him back. Fran tries to pawn the vase but doesn’t get anything for it. Back at the house Fran and Grace watch a movie. Max prepares to leave with Miss Babcock. Grace is upset. Max thanks her for her service with pretty platitudes. She goes back to buy the vase. She trades her grandmothers watch for the vase to cover the $200 that she got for the vase. At the airport Max learns from Niles what’s actually going on. He wants to help and his flight gets delayed so he can do something. They all meet up at church for midnight mass. Fran decides to go to confession. She and the priest commiserate. Max shows up at the confessional. He gives her the watch back, but it’s not her grandmothers watch. He sits next to her but sits on the vase, impaling his tush. At the hospital, Grace decorates him with tinsel. The Santa from the airport gets wheeled into the same room. He was attacked by Miss Babcock at the airport. Grace announces that she now believes in Santa Claus because she got her Christmas wish. The Santa disappears from his bed and you hear him saying, “Ho! Ho! Ho!”

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