Mama’s Family S02, Ep13 – Mama Buys a Car

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 13
Title: Mama Buys a Car
Original Air Date: January 21, 1984

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Favorite Quotes:

* Thelma: It’s not just Meals on Wheels. It’s Thelma on Wheels.

* Fran: Without a car, a driver’s license is nothing more than an unflattering picture with your real birthday on it.

* Thelma: If I buy myself a car I can drive myself crazy.

* Vint: I gave him my jack-knife and he gave me his measles.

* Thelma: Vint to you want to get your wife out of this car before someone comes along and gives her a rear end alignment.

* Thelma: I want something with guts. I want some power when I put that petal to the metal.

* Willie: Thelma you didn’t try to do anything foolish with the car?
Thelma: Yeah I tried to drive it.

* Thelma: Those are the most expensive oatmeal rains cookies I’ve ever made. They cost me about $50 a rasin.

* Vint: Look on the bright side. You only got stuck with one lemom. That poor sucker is about to buy the whole orchard.

* Thelma: Blew up? It’s smoldering it’s way to lemon heaven.

* Thelma: Well, good Lord. You’re not only a weasel you’re a pig.

Synopsis: Mama is in a panic because Fran is late. Fran is supposed to let her take her car for Meals on Wheels deliveries. Mama is forced to call in and let them know that she’s waiting on her sister’s car. But because she doesn’t have her own car they kick her out of the program. As she hangs up Fran runs in. Thelma is upset because she is out of a volunteer job. Fran tries to console her. Mama decides to buy herself a car. Everyone tries to help her look through car ads. She wants a blue car. Naomi finds an ad for Willie Pots and it turns out he use to live in the neighborhood. Mama gives out orders to make cookies (she doesn’t want him talking too much). At the lot, Mama is obsessed with blue cars. She thinks the color is lucky. Willie arrives. Vint introduces everyone. Thelma gives him her list of wants. He shows her a car that’s nearly $7,000. He then starts bragging about a big sale he’s got coming. They walk over to a blue car. He starts sweet talking her. Vint tries to open the hood to check the engine and Willie sits on it so he can’t. Thelma brings up price, but Willie gives her a price she doesn’t like. She negotiates down to her price point with the cookies. Thelma buys it and drives it home. The whole family drives in and asks to go for a spin. As she pulls away from the curb parts start falling off the car and the engine overheats. Back at Willie’s lot, he’s watching the big fish he wants to sell a bunch of cars to. Thelma and Vint enter his office. When she tells him she wants a refund he ignores her. He tries to sweet talk her. Then he tells her no flat out. Thelma loses her temper when Willie calls her a hippo. The big fish walks in the office. He kicks Thelma and Vint out of his office. In the lot, Vint remembers Willie’s nickname was the weasel. Thelma is upset he didn’t remember that sooner. Thelma races back into the office to try and save Mr. Babcock from buying the junk cars. She gives him a good speech. Mr. Babcock gives her the floor. She describes the explosion. Mr. Babcock tells Willie the only way he’ll buy the fleet is if he gives Thelma a full and complete refund. He starts counting out cash and she manages to add on a few extras to sweeten her deal. As soon as she is fully refunded he offers to walk Thelma out. He’s not signing the deal. Back at the house, everyone is proud of her. She starts the hunt for a car again.


Mama’s Family S02, Ep12 – Black Belt Mama

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 12
Title: Black Belt Mama
Original Air Date: January 14, 1984

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Favorite Quotes:

* Vint: How can I ruin something that doesn’t work?

* Mama: I know that Naomi is interested in it so it has to be something that appeals to a bird brain.

* Mama: I’m shaking worse than a wino in prohibition.

* Mama: Well what is this? Get Mama night? You gonna tell me it’s my fault I was robbed?

* Naomi: Chuck says we’re supposed to move like a well oiled machine.
Mama: Well the oil drained out of my crank case years ago.

* Naomi: Let’s say you want to attack me.
Mama: This is getting better all the time.

* Mama: All right Chuck, go ahead and make my day.

* Sonja: You’re a hero grandma.
Mama: I just wish they didn’t have to print a heroes age.

Synopsis: Vint is trying to fix the iron and he fails. They discuss Naomi and the self defense class that she is taking. She arrives home and gives them a karate demonstration. They discuss the muggings that have been going on around town. Mama is not impressed with the whole thing. Vint keeps trying to fix the iron and winds up shorting out the electricity. Later in the kitchen, Vint is feeding Buzz. Mama comes in the door looking like she’s been attacked. She’s holding her purse handle, but the purse is gone. She’s so upset she can’t speak. She finally calms down and then tells them about her mugging. Buzz wants her to call the police and report the crime. She tells him to and he does. He gets her to give the police a description. Naomi is at her karate class, with Sonja and Fran. Mama shows up and nearly gets punched. They all start discussing what went wrong and why Mama was mugged. Mama is going to learn karate. But first she has to stretch. She gets stuck and Chuck has to roll her backwards. Mama is not stretchy. Chuck demonstrates some moves he’s going to try and teach them. Everyone gets up to practice except Mama. Chuck pairs her with his star pupil, Naomi. It goes downhill fast. Chuck does a demonstration with Sonja. It fails so he asks Naomi to assist him. She actually performs quite well. Now chuck tries with Mama and she headbutts him. It’s another day and Mama heads to the bus stop. She and another older lady commiserate over the changing times. Mama traumatizes a few passerbys. The mugger comes back. She does her karate demonstration and then tricks him. She disables him by whacking him in the head with her bag, it’s got her new iron in it. Mama makes the paper. She acts humble until Buzz walks in with a huge stacks of newspapers.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep11 – Mama Learns to Drive

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 11
Title: Mama Learns to Drive
Original Air Date: January 7, 1984

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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: That wife of yours is dead meat!

* Mama: If the good Lord intended me to drive he’d have given me bigger bumpers.

* Mama: Hold on to your tatas Frannie, here we go.

* Ellen: I would thank you not to refer to my mother as an old dog just because tricks don’t come as easily to her as they do to you.

* Mama: I’m gonna die trying to do this, but at least they’ll have a pretty new hat to bury me in.

Synopsis: Vint complains about the bus strike going on for three days. Ellen comes in the kitchen looking for Thelma. She’s left for the mall with Naomi. Minutes later Mama bursts in yelling. Naomi follows and the two begin fighting. Fran stops the fight. Mama still wants her hat so she tries to get everyone to take her to the mall. Everyone tells Mama that she needs to learn to drive herself around. Vint decides to teach her. He gives her a lecture on keys. The next morning, Mama is making cookies when Buzz and Sonya come in to help her study for her driver’s test. She gets mad and storms off. That afternoon Fran tiptoes out of the kitchen with car keys. Thelma wants to go with her to the mall but she holds firm on not taking her. Fran relents but makes Thelma drive. She doesn’t want to so Fran threatens to go to the mall and buy the hat Thelma wants for herself. They have a fight. She finally gets the car moving but the windshield wipers go off. She pulls away from the curb and nearly crashes into an oncoming car. In frustration she gets out of the car and walks off. Back at the house she tells the harrowing story. Naomi and Ellen get into it. Ellen decides to teach her how to drive. Upon returning Ellen is pissed. She has crashed Ellen’s car. They get in a fight and Ellen storms out. Meanwhile, the phone rings. It’s Neidermeyers, someone else wants the hat that Thelma has on hold. She has to pick it up by noon. Thelma decides to take Fran’s car and drive to the mall to get her hat. She says a prayer. She is at DMV to get her license. It’s taking all day long. She finally gets her picture taken. She and the DMV employee get into a fight and she threatens him. At the house, everyone is freaking out. Mama walks in the door and everyone rushes her. Mama tells them she got her driver’s license.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep10 – The Mama Who Came To Dinner

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 10
Title: The Mama Who Came to Dinner
Original Air Date: December 22, 1983

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Favorite Quotes:

* Naomi: I am not jealous. And I will thank you to keep your nose out of my nose.

* Thelma: Didn’t you two get enough of the usual last night?

* Thelma: Well don’t just stand there, your company is here. Open the door and let the good times roll.

* Thelma: Why should your fun be ruined by my agony?

* Thelma: What I get is that you’re making fun of someone in pain.

* Naomi: Let me cut it in half for you, Ms. Harper. I certainly wouldn’t want you to choke.

Synopsis: Fran and Thelma are at the table working on her stamps. She wants a very nice heating pad. Vint and Naomi return home from their dinner party. Naomi is not happy about it. Fran suggests they have one there and Thelma cook for it. No one agrees on any of it. After some fighting and egging on, Thelma agrees to let them have a dinner party at her house. It’s now the day of the dinner party and Naomi is grating on Thelma’s nerves. Vint’s kids aren’t excited about going to the movies with Thelma. But as she is getting ready to leave she bends over to pick up some magazines and has a back spasm. She’s now laid out flat on the floor on her back. Fran and the kids leave her there and go to the movies. Naomi’s guests see Thelma and are surprised. She ruins the appetizers. She starts telling depressing stories about people who have died and other creepy medical stories. They wind up feeding her and the evening goes downhill even faster. Thelma then starts telling stories about the things Naomi has said behind everyone’s back. All the guests leave after a little over an hour. Vint is beyond furious. Naomi is acting as if nothing was wrong. She grabs the tablecloth and then puts the tv trays over Thelma and throws the tablecloth over it. She even turns out the lights and exits the room. Thelma keeps calling for Naomi as all the beer she drank is starting to get to her. She starts screaming for help.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep09 – Amateur Night

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 9
Title: Amateur Night
Original Air Date: December 8, 1983

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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: I don’t know why I let you talk me into this place. This is where flies come to die.

* Mama: Vint will you eat that chili before something obscene happens?

* Mama: Will you take that squeezebox and scram?

* Fran: Naomi I fear you may have created a monster.
Mama: Which makes you the bride of Frankenstein.

* Vint: Can you dig it?
Mama: I’d like to bury it.

* Naomi: Vinny Vegas? Does that mean I’m Naomi Vegas?

* Fran: If he wants to make a fool of himself that’s his privilege and birthright as a Harper.

* Mama: You’re asking for a second rope and you’re gonna hang yourself.

Synopsis: The family is at the Bigger Jigger to cheer Vint up. He didn’t get a promotion at Quick Keys. The Jigger is having a talent competition that night. The winner gets $100. Naomi wants him to enter with his Fred Astaire impersonation. The competition starts with a guy who makes faces. As others go up and perform, Vint starts to get nervous. Fran starts getting worried too. Naomi has to give him a giant pep talk to get him to go on. He puts on a spectacular show. He wins the competition. At the house Fran is practicing for their next performance. Vint comes home in a very flashy outfit. He’s changed up his whole act. He insults and upsets Fran. He gets a big head and makes everyone, including Naomi, mad. They all decide to not go but when they start to worry he’ll fail they race to rescue him. Mama tries to talk him out of humiliating himself. She corners him in the men’s room. Naomi and Fran follow them in. Mama tells Vint a story from her childhood. They have a moment but when they try to leave one of the men pulls off the door knob, trapping them. Everyone, finally gets home. Naomi and Vint head to their basement. Fran and Thelma sit on the couch. Fran wants to know what the men’s room was really like.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep08 – Gert Rides Again

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 8
Title: Gert Rides Again
Original Air Date: December 1, 1983

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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: Well hurry it up. King Tut didn’t have that much wrapping on him.

* Mama: When you get old and do the same things as when you were young people think you’ve gone bonkers.

* Mama: If wrapping one present gets you this turned on Christmas around here should be a real barn burner.

* Mama: If she was any calmer she’d be a doily.

* Mama: Gertie how can you be old when you’re still getting offers like that?

* Mama: You are as young as you feel and right now I feel like a beer.

* Mama: Why do you talk like that? This isn’t Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.

* Vint: Hey Skeeter, why don’t we play post office anymore?
Mama: You two have graduated to Federal Express.

Synopsis: Vint and Noami are necking on the couch. Mama comes out disgusted. Fran comes running down the stairs with a gift too. They all talk about Aunt Gert. The gifts are all for her birthday. Mama tells a story from when she and Gert were younger. Mama leaves and the two start necking again. When Mama arrives to visit Gert she is shocked. She doesn’t want to open her present because she is bored to death. The nurse comes in and annoys Thelma. The nurse tells Thelma about the birthday party. One of the male residents pops in and proposes some hanky panky with Gert. Back at the house, Mama is sad at Gert’s state. Fran, Vint and Naomi try to comfort her. Thelma goes to visit her again on her birthday and she still hasn’t opened her gift. Thelma tries to kick her into gear. She brushes her hair and makes her get dressed. She finally gets Gert to act like herself again. Downstairs at the party, everyone is getting restless. Gert and Thelma arrive at the party. Out comes the cake and everyone sings Happy Birthday. Next they have to play musical chairs. Thelma gets annoyed by the nurse again and goes after her. Thelma gets someone to play the piano and starts a Conga line. At Mama’s house, the doorbell is ringing. She opens it and finds Gert at the door. She tells them they partied all night long. Fran comes down and is shocked to see Gert. Vint and Naomi come in too. Gert tells them all about the party. Gert announces that she and Alvin are looking for an apartment.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep07 – Ellen’s Boyfriend

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 7
Title: Ellen’s Boyfriend
Original Air Date: November 17, 1983

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iTunes not available at this time

Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: Sassiness does not sit well on a young face Missy.

* Mama: These slides are boring my bunions off too.

* Mama: Presbyterian, huh? Well they run a good bingo.

* Mama: I hope this things in English. I hate it when you have to guess what you’re eating.

* Mama: I hope you two old bags live happily ever after.

* Mama: What was she thinking? I’ve got wrinkles that are older than that boy.

* Mama: If I give it enough time he won’t be too young for you.

* Mama: Lord, how did I ever raise such a pack of sex maniacs?

Synopsis: Mama is trying to set up a projector screen. Buzz and Sonja try to sneak out but Mama catches them. Fran doesn’t want to watch the slides either. Everyone is up in arms over watching the slides. Ellen pops in and tells them she’s not staying. The kids make a run for it. Ellen is going to a lonely-hearts club. Before she leaves, Vint gives her some spare keys for her new locks. Mama decides they are still going to watch the slides. Later, Ellen get dropped off at Mama’s by Glenn. He wants to meet her family. He’s taking her to dinner at Chez Ray. However, it turns out Mama is home. When she walks in Mama wants Ellen to take her to the dentist. Mama wants to meet the man, but Ellen runs out. Vint finally gets off the phone and tells Mama he won. They are all going to Chez Ray tonight. Ellen and Glenn are at the restaurant. He leaves the table as Mama and family walk in. Fran spots Ellen. They all decide to join her. Ellen tells Mama that Glenn brought her there. Ellen introduces everyone to Glenn. Fran notices the bag that Ellen is using and flips her lid. They all make a big scene. The manager tries to calm it down. Ellen has a meltdown. At the house, Mama is cleaning like a mad woman. Fran tries to calm her down. She goes on about the bag and Mama gives it to her. Ellen comes in and the two get into a fight. Ellen realizes that Mama is jealous. They make up. Ellen rushes off to go be with Glenn.

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