Family Matters S01, Ep18 – Sitting Pretty

Show: Family Matters
Season: 1
Episode: 18
Title: Sitting Pretty
Original Air Date: February 20, 1990

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Favorite Quotes:

* Mother Winslow: Another loser, huh, Rachel?

* Laura: I guess I could call Steve Urkel. Did I say that?

* Laura: Pardon me, but you must have mistaken me for someone who cares.

* Carl: We’re having leg of lamb for dinner. I hope she didn’t break it, it’s hard to cut through the cast.

* Laura: All right, all right. If I ever mention babysitting again, just kill me.

* Rachel: This is my child. My only child.

* Laura: I know. My baby-sitting business blew up in my face.
Carl: Like the Hindenburg.

Synopsis: Steve comes over and tells Laura he has tickets to a rock and mineral show. No one wants to go with him. It’s another day and Carl is worried about impressing his new captain. Laura announces she is starting a baby-sitting business. Rachel comes home from a date, but she stops him at the door. That night Carl practices his fishing in the kitchen and catches a drape. Eddie comes in the kitchen as the phone rings. He’s upset that the call is for Laura and not him. It’s for her baby-sitting service but she has no one available. That night Rachel can’t decide what to wear on her date. Carl rushes in and tells her he invited him over for dinner. In the living room, Laura’s sitters are all cancelling. Harriet freaks out when she finds out about the dinner. Eddie comes in and tells Laura he has a date. He also tells her everyone has cancelled because of a Paula Abdul concert. Laura calls everyone and tells them to drop their kids at her house. Rachel comes down the stairs in a panic. She nearly leaves with Ritchie. Eddie is leaving and Laura bluffs him into staying. Later that evening, all the kids are there and the house is looking like a mess. Steve comes over and Laura tells him she’s glad to see him. He gets excited but she just wants him to track down a missing kid. Carl and Harriet bust into the kitchen as a kid joins them and shoots Carl with a dart. They don’t know who the kid was. They go into the living room and find all the kids. Carl goes into a meltdown. Harriet tries to save the day by dividing up the kids. Steve comes back in and announces the twins are snorkeling in Mother Winslow’s waterbed. Carl manages to straighten up the living room just in time for Captain Davenport’s arrival. Carl chats him up and Harriet exits to check on the food. A large crash is heard. He races into the living room to find Steve in distress. However, all the baby sitters are wrangling kids. All the rest have converged downstairs and have tied up Captain Davenport. He’s having a blast. Rachel returns home with Jeff. This time she invites him in. She tells him about Ritchie. They enter and the swarm of kids is rather scary. Laura comes in with Ritchie and hands him to Rachel. Jeff is relieved she only has one kid. He tells her he’s sticking around. Carl and Captain Davenport says their goodbyes and he’s still happy. Laura’s babysitting business is now over. Carl and Harriet head into the kitchen to clean up, but Mother Winslow shoots him in the head with a dart.

Family Matters S01, Ep17 – The Big Fix

Show: Family Matters
Season: 1
Episode: 17
Title: The Big Fix
Original Air Date: February 9, 1990

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Favorite Quotes:

* Eddie: Urkel? I’d rather eat worms.
Laura: He can teach you that too.

* Rachel: Steve, did it ever occur to you that when the door’s closed we’re trying to keep unwanted people out?

* Steve: This is my busy season. I’m trying to teach the football team fractions.

* Eddie: A couple of measly hours of your time is his dream come true.
Laura: And give me nightmares for the rest of my life.

* Laura: Let’s just say he’s a world class nerd with no redeeming qualities:
Harriet: Sounds like Steve Urkel.
Laura: It is.

* Carl: That’s not a mercy date. That’s Lord have mercy, date.

* Mother Winslow: If I was a few years younger I’d give you a run for your money.
Laura: Want a head start?

* Carl: Do you want this fast or do you want this good?
Mother Winslow: I don’t think he’s got a shot either way.

* Laura: Right now all I can see is Steve running out of the restaurant with a tablecloth tucked in his pants.

Synopsis: The kids are playing video games. The parents send them off to bed so they can play the video game. In the kitchen Carl tries to teach Eddie algebra, but he’s not having much success. He determines something is wrong with the chair. Laura and Harriet enter the kitchen. She wants to stay up all night and study but Harriet’s not having it. She becomes worried when Carl announces that the chair is wobbly and that he’s going to fix it himself. She looks forward to a new kitchen set. Eddie tells Laura he’s going to fail and she suggests asking Steve for help. The next day in the kitchen, Rachel, Mother Winslow and Judy are working on log cabins when Steve comes over. He’s there to help Eddie with algebra. Steve plays hardball out tutoring him. He gives Eddie his baseline test and is shocked that Eddie gets every question wrong. Steve takes the Prince tickets as collateral. At dinner, Carl toasts the kids success on their midterms. Steve interrupts dinner. Thanks to Steve’s help Eddie got a B. He wants a date with Laura as his payment. Later, Eddie tries to warm Laura up to Steve. Whn he tells her he promised him a date with her and she flips her lid. Meanwhile, Carl shows Harriet the chair he fixed, but actually made worse. Laura comes in the kitchen and asks them if they went out people out of pity. Then she finally admits it’s with Steve. Mother Winslow defends him though. Later, Steve comes over to find out about his date with Laura. When Eddie tells him she said no he threatens to keep the Prince tickets. However, Laura comes out and surprises all stating she’ll go out with Steve. She lays out some ground rules and he agrees. On Friday night, she heads out for her date with Steve. He’s taking her out in a hearse, after dropping off a body. They arrive at dinner at a fancy restaurant. Steve orders frog legs for dinner. Before they are even served he causes a massive calamity. He tries to impress her with words that make her nauseous. Then he asks for a kiss on the cheek. He sells her on a pity story and she gives in. His uncle is there and snaps a photo. She storms out of the restaurant. He chases her and brings the table with him. Back in the kitchen, Carl is sitting in an exceptionally short chair unable to reach the marshmallows. Laura storms in and has nothing good to say about her date with Steve. Laura returns the Prince tickets to Eddie. Her reward is that Eddie is taking her to the Price concert.

Family Matters S01, Ep16 – The Party

Show: Family Matters
Season: 1
Episode: 16
Title: The Party
Original Air Date: February 3, 1990

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Favorite Quotes:

* Steve: No one slams a phone down like Laura.

* Carl: Eddie is cooking dinner? Maybe I should call 911 now and make a reservation.

* Laura: You’re putting Eddie in charge? Do you want a moment to reflect on this?

* Eddie: What would you rather eat, pizza or a charcoal loaf?
Laura and Judy: Let the man in.

* Carl: I’m not lost. I’m just not sure where I am. There is a difference.

* Mother Winslow: Carl, how many times have I told you there are no shortcuts in life?

* Harriet: Let’s kill him Carl. We’re still young. We can have more children.

* Eddie: I guess this means you’re going to ground us, huh?
Harriet: Into dust.

Synopsis: Eddie is watching music videos on the couch. Steve comes over and Eddie gets him dancing. The next day Carl is practicing a roast speech for his brother’s birthday. In the kitchen, Eddie is cooking dinner. He’s also in charge while they are gone. Rachel comes down the stairs with little Ritchie and a giant suitcase. Eddie presents dinner. The meatloaf is a charcoal briquette. Rodney shows up with pizza. Carl tries to convince his wife, mother and Rachel that he knows where he is going. Mother Winslow scolds him. When he tries to restart the car and continue on, it’s dead. He gets out of the car to check the sign. He is going to walk back to the gas station. Back at the house there is a knock on the door. Rodney told a bunch of people where he would be. It’s two females he is clearly attracted too and he lets them in. Laura decides that she is going to have friends over too. Judy is happy with a bribe. The doorbell rings and it’s a whole bunch of people. Carl gets back to the car and tells them the gas station is closed. The ladies turn on him. He tries to calm them by telling them he called for a tow truck under the highway 180 sign, but Harriet discovers it’s actually 130. However, a bright light comes up behind them. It’s the highway patrol. He offers to help them. At the Winslow house the party is now in full swing. Eddie is trying to clean. Steve comes over. In the kitchen, a fight breaks out. They decide to settle it by replaying a play with a gravy boat. Eddie and Laura go back in the living room and it’s a disaster. Carl and company return home and it’s not good. When the broken gravy boat is discovered Harriet loses her temper. Both Eddie and Laura get a talking to. Carl finally collapses on the couch and hears strange sounds coming from it. He pulls up the seat cushion to find Steve.

Family Matters S01, Ep15 – The Big Reunion

Show: Family Matters
Season: 1
Episode: 15
Title: The Big Reunion
Original Air Date: January 23, 1990

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Favorite Quotes:

* Steve: Did I do that?
Laura: No, it’s the prize that came with the cereal.

* Laura: Go for it Eddie, reach for the stars.

* Laura: Were all Dad’s friends named Darnell?
Mother Winslow: Yes, they were very confusing times.

* Mother Winslow: Do you think you could get this past the jaws of life?

* Carl: Rachel, I’ve had more food than this stuck between my teeth.

* Harriet: Carl, baby food? That’s pathetic.

* Harriet: You eat that and you can kiss your diet goodbye.

Synopsis: Eddie asks the girls to let their mother know he’s heading out to play basketball, but before he leaves Steve shows up. He looks like a sports nerd. Eddie leaves and Steve annoys Laura. He tries to show off some moves but instead drops his basketball in her cereal. That night Eddie comes home and announces someone got fired in produce, he wants to move up. Harriet takes a call. Carl has a high school reunion coming up. Everyone talks about the singing group Carl was in. He walks in and is surprised. Carl doesn’t want to go to his 20th reunion. He admits he does not want to go because he’s put on some weight. Rachel comes home from the gym. Harriet suggests having Rachel help. He doesn’t want her help, but finally gives in. The next night at dinner everyone is feasting but Carl. He gets some steamed vegetables for dinner. Later that night he sneaks downstairs for a midnight snack but finds the fridge has been locked. His desperation leads him to eat baby food. He tries to hide but gets caught. The next day Carl is on an exercise bike. One of the girls left a cupcake out and he tries to grab it. Laura comes down and gets it, making Carl cry. Later that day Eddie comes home, he got the job in produce. It’s time for Carl to weigh in and thanks to Rachel’s insane diet and work out plan he’s lost 11 pounds. Now he’s willing to go the reunion until he finds out that he and his group are going to sing. Once again he will not go. Later that night Harriet finds Carl in the kitchen with ice cream. He finally admits that he’s worried about what the Darnell’s will think about him. Now he’s going to go. It’s now the night of the reunion. They arrive and everything is going well. He finds all the Darnell’s and they happily reunite. Carl and his group sing their song and it’s a hit.

Family Matters S01, Ep11 – The Quilt

Show: Family Matters
Season: 1
Episode: 11
Title: The Quilt
Original Air Date: December 8, 1989

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Favorite Quotes:

* Laura: Remember one person’s junk is another person’s antique.

* Laura: You want to read for free? Go to the library.

* Harriet: Carl, you only used that racket once and it was to kill a cockroach.

* Mother Winslow: Sounds like riding a bicycle over a cat.

* Mother Winslow: Out with the old, in with the new.

* Rachel: They use to call me “hot lips.”
Harriet: Rachel, that was before you got the saxophone.

* Laura: You mean you trust me with the quilt?
Mother Winslow: Now more than ever.

Synopsis: Laura and Judy prepare for a garage sale. While pricing items Rachel announces she found her saxophone. She then tries to play something and it sounds horrific. Mother Winslow heads off to a slumber party. Laura asks her about her stuff before she leaves. She’s told not to sell the quilt on top but everything else is ok. It’s the day of the garage sale and it’s raining outside. So Laura moved everything into the living room. Harriet asks how the sale is going but not much has moved. Eddie takes a photo of Harriet and leaves her blind. A customer finally comes in. She finds a table cloth she likes. She then finds the quilt that she was instructed not to sell. However, the lady cons Laura into selling it to her because she keeps upping the price she will pay. The next day Mother Winslow is on the phone trying to help her friend Shirley find her missing teeth. Rachel comes down stairs still playing the saxophone badly. Laura enters the kitchen and announces they made $350 in the sale. Laura credits Mother Winslow for the victory. She then tells them she got $300 for the quilt. But Mother Winslow informs her that the quilt has been in the family for over 200 years and that the patches make up the family history. It’s days later and Mother Winslow is still depressed. Laura is plastering the neighborhood with flyers trying to find the quilt. Laura comes back. She is upset because she still hasn’t tracked down the quilt. Eddie comes in with the photos from the garage sale. The photos are bad. However, he did get a photo of the woman who bought the quilt. The woman is the owner of The Nash Gallery. Carl and Laura go and find the quilt, but it’s priced at $3,000. The woman is unflinching, so Laura does her best to win the woman over. The woman is speechless. Back at the house Rachel appears to be playing the sax, but is really just pretending to. Carl and Laura come home and Laura gives her the quilt back. Carl asks Mother Winslow to tell them about the quilt. Each person has a special patch. She asks Harriet if she would sew on her patch after she passes. Then she decides the perfect place to keep it is in Laura’s room.

Family Matters S01, Ep10 – False Arrest

Show: Family Matters
Season: 1
Episode: 10
Title: False Arrest
Original Air Date: November 28, 1989

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Favorite Quotes:

* Harriett: Carl, you’re not Ivy League, you’re bowling league.

* Carl: Well, if I’m so dumb why are you the one wearing the cuffs?

* Carl: Mama’s right Rachel, we shouldn’t take pleasure in someone else’s misery. Anybody for a slow drive along the interstate?

Synopsis: Eddie is going to help Steve build some muscle. While assisting him doing bench presses the phone rings and Eddie lets go. He’s stuck under the bar. Mother Winslow and the kids are watching the Buddy Goodrich show. Carl comes home and no one wants to hear, they just want to watch the Buddy Goodrich show. Mother Winslow asks Carl to get seats to the Buddy Goodrich show coming to town. Next day Carlo goes to the theater to buy tickets. He asks a stage hand about the car in the handicap spot and is told its Buddy Goodrich’s car. Mr. Goodrich comes out of his dressing room and refuses to move the car. He also puts Carl down. Goodrich gets incensed. He refuses to move the car, he parked it there so after the show he can get out as fast as possible. He tries to boss Carl around and then assaults him. When he takes a swing at Carl, Carl arrests him. When Carl gets home the family is upset that Buddy Goodrich was arrested. He tries to tell them what happened and they ignore him. They are all upset at him. Carl tells them that he took a swing at him. Another day and Buddy Goodrich rings the doorbell. Everyone is a little dumbstruck. Buddy lays it on thick. He offers free tickets to his show. He requests a private conversation with Carl, so they go to the kitchen. But Buddy hands the tickets to Eddie as he heads there. Buddy wants Carl to drop the charges. The family is standing at the door listening. Carl still refuses. Buddy then tries to bribe him with a spot on his show and a fee. He refuses to take the bribe and tells Buddy to get out. He ups it the bribe. As he leaves the family opens the door to reveal they have all been listening the whole time. He leaves hastily and Eddie gives him the tickets back. Harriet slams the door on him. It’s weeks later and the trial is nearly over. Carl and Harriet come back happy. Goodrich was found guilty. His assistant broke and told the truth. He has to pick up trash on the interstate.

Family Matters S01, Ep09 – Stakeout

Show: Family Matters
Season: 1
Episode: 9
Title: Stakeout
Original Air Date: November 24, 1989

Guest Stars:
Olivia Brown: Vanessa
Ken Foree: High Top
J.W. Smith: Jake

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Favorite Quotes:

* Eddie: Chauvinist? I thought we were Baptists.

* Harriet: Boy, Carl sure has changed his mind on Vanessa.
Rachel: Yeah, she sounds like Robocop.

* Rachel: Putting any guy next to Vanessa is like a kid in a candy shop.
Mother Winslow: And we know how much Carl loves candy.

* Harriet: A car, a motel, what’s the difference?
Mother Winslow: A vibrating bed.

* Rachel: Boy, Harriet, when you are wrong, you are really wrong.
Harriet: Seems to me I had a little help.

* Vanessa: Nice move, Mama.
Mother Winslow: You should have seen me when I had two good hips.

* Harriet: If I have to tell you one more time I’m gonna sick your grandma on you.

Synopsis: Carl is listening to music downstairs. he demonstrates some dances for the kids, but throws his back out. Carl comes home after work upset that his partner quit. Carl is not happy that his new partner is a woman. He acts sexist. Harriet is not amused. The women are not happy. Later, Harriet is cleaning the house as Carl comes home. He’s now happy with his new partner. She’s coming to pick him up for bowling. She introduces everyone and they shocked, she’s gorgeous. The next morning Laura tricks Eddie into cleaning up. Carl comes down stairs in a suit. The conversation about Vanessa is a bit tense. He leaves but Rachel starts to plant the seeds of doubt regarding Carl and Vanessa in her head. Mother Winslow does not help. The kids are doing homework down stairs, but Eddie is transfixed by Paula Abdul. In the kitchen they all discuss Carl and Vanessa again. Harriet shakes a motel key out of Carl’s pants. They’ve worried Harriet to the point where she decides to go to the motel and find out what’s going on. Carl and Vanessa prepare for the take down. Harriet and Rachel walks in as Carl is fixing her wire. Both are upset. Vanessa shows Harriet the money they are using to buy the stolen goods to assure her that nothing is going on. Someone knocks on the door and they usher the duo into the bathroom. But it’s not the bad guys it’s his mother. He can’t get them to leave quick enough and the bad guys arrive. Carl and Vanessa blow their cover when the code phrase is ignored. Mother Winslow saves the day by flipping the bad guy. Back at the house Rachel brags about Mother Winslow flipping the bad guy. Carl comes home. The one that Mother Winslow flipped is claiming police brutality. Harriet apologizes. Carl tells her that she flattered him. It made him happy that after 25 years of marriage she still gets a little jealous.

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