Show: Family Matters
Title: Requiem for an Urkel
Original Air Date: November 23, 1990
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* Harriet: Bill, bill, bill, tax refund? That figures, wrong address.
* Mother Winslow: When men mambo with Mama, they drop like flies.
* Laura: 11? When are you going to realize I’m a mature woman?
Harriet: When you can get through breakfast without spitting Cheerios at your sister.
* Laura: Steve, what do you want?
Steve: Only to serve you milady.
* Steve: Willie I have heard of some low things in my time, but forcing Laura to go to the dance with me, that’s despicable.
* Steve: I have to, Laura’s reputation has been impugned by that pugnacious pond poop.
* Carl: I strongly suggest that you consider a different strategy, instead of trying to fight him run from him.
Steve: Sort of like an Urkel shuffle.
* Mother Winslow: Did Steve like the robe we made for him?
Rachel: Oh yes, he was really touched. After the fight he wants to be buried in it.
* Carl: Steve, keep going!
Steve: I can’t he broke my shuffle.
* Laura: Steve will you go with me to the Sadie Hawkins dance?
Steve: Oh no, I am hallucinating.
* Carl: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner by a principle, Steve the Iron Man Urkel.
Synopsis: Harriet comes home and finds the mail is all bills. Rachel checks on Harriet and finds she found the computer thief. It turns out it’s Harriet’s new assistant. Mother Winslow comes in excited. She has a date with Fletcher Thomas. She doesn’t want Carl to know, he goes a bit crazy when she dates. Later that night, Laura tells Harriet about the school dance and the boy she wants to ask. Laura models her nightgown for Harriet just as Steve walks in. He faints. Judy shouts downstairs that Ritchie put super glue on the toilet again and she is stuck. Harriet runs off to help. He asks her about the dance and she tells him she’s asking someone else. He’s upset but wants her to have fun. At school, Willie tries to trash Urkel’s locker, but he installed an alarm. He confronts Willie. His locker is also right next to Laura’s. Greg walks by and Laura asks him to the dance. He turns her down, but it’s clear that Willie is involved. Greg tells Urkel why he said no, Willie has threatened to harm any guy who goes with her. Urkel smacks him with a glove. The coach breaks up the fight. He sets up a boxing match with proper supervision. Carl decides to help Steve prepare for his fight. Carl has him demonstrate his stance and fighting style. He needs a lot of help. He advises him to run from his opponent. He does teach him the basics though. That night, Mother Winslow comes back with Fletcher. Carl is there and he’s not happy about their good night kiss. He gets a little protective of his mother. Mother Winslow lays into him. He decides to run a background check on him. It’s now the day of the fight. Urkel trips over the ropes getting in the ring. The referee (the coach) introduces both fighters. The fight starts and Steve walks right into Willie’s fist and goes down. Carl suggests to Steve that he try the Urkel shuffle. It’s effective, Willie doesn’t hit him. He goes down a second time. Steve lands a punch on Willie that does nothing. Willie lands a slow three punch combo on him. Laura runs over and begs him to stay down. He gets back up though, and Willie knocks him down again. As Steve wobbles around the ring other guys Willie has bullied decide they want to be next to fight him in the ring. After a dozen stand up to take him on Willie runs for it. Steve wins on the technicality that Willie ran. Laura then asks Steve, her champion, to go to the dance with her.