Mama’s Family S02, Ep11 – Mama Learns to Drive

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 11
Title: Mama Learns to Drive
Original Air Date: January 7, 1984


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: That wife of yours is dead meat!

* Mama: If the good Lord intended me to drive he’d have given me bigger bumpers.

* Mama: Hold on to your tatas Frannie, here we go.

* Ellen: I would thank you not to refer to my mother as an old dog just because tricks don’t come as easily to her as they do to you.

* Mama: I’m gonna die trying to do this, but at least they’ll have a pretty new hat to bury me in.


Synopsis: Vint complains about the bus strike going on for three days. Ellen comes in the kitchen looking for Thelma. She’s left for the mall with Naomi. Minutes later Mama bursts in yelling. Naomi follows and the two begin fighting. Fran stops the fight. Mama still wants her hat so she tries to get everyone to take her to the mall. Everyone tells Mama that she needs to learn to drive herself around. Vint decides to teach her. He gives her a lecture on keys. The next morning, Mama is making cookies when Buzz and Sonya come in to help her study for her driver’s test. She gets mad and storms off. That afternoon Fran tiptoes out of the kitchen with car keys. Thelma wants to go with her to the mall but she holds firm on not taking her. Fran relents but makes Thelma drive. She doesn’t want to so Fran threatens to go to the mall and buy the hat Thelma wants for herself. They have a fight. She finally gets the car moving but the windshield wipers go off. She pulls away from the curb and nearly crashes into an oncoming car. In frustration she gets out of the car and walks off. Back at the house she tells the harrowing story. Naomi and Ellen get into it. Ellen decides to teach her how to drive. Upon returning Ellen is pissed. She has crashed Ellen’s car. They get in a fight and Ellen storms out. Meanwhile, the phone rings. It’s Neidermeyers, someone else wants the hat that Thelma has on hold. She has to pick it up by noon. Thelma decides to take Fran’s car and drive to the mall to get her hat. She says a prayer. She is at DMV to get her license. It’s taking all day long. She finally gets her picture taken. She and the DMV employee get into a fight and she threatens him. At the house, everyone is freaking out. Mama walks in the door and everyone rushes her. Mama tells them she got her driver’s license.

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Mama’s Family S02, Ep10 – The Mama Who Came To Dinner

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 10
Title: The Mama Who Came to Dinner
Original Air Date: December 22, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Naomi: I am not jealous. And I will thank you to keep your nose out of my nose.

* Thelma: Didn’t you two get enough of the usual last night?

* Thelma: Well don’t just stand there, your company is here. Open the door and let the good times roll.

* Thelma: Why should your fun be ruined by my agony?

* Thelma: What I get is that you’re making fun of someone in pain.

* Naomi: Let me cut it in half for you, Ms. Harper. I certainly wouldn’t want you to choke.


Synopsis: Fran and Thelma are at the table working on her stamps. She wants a very nice heating pad. Vint and Naomi return home from their dinner party. Naomi is not happy about it. Fran suggests they have one there and Thelma cook for it. No one agrees on any of it. After some fighting and egging on, Thelma agrees to let them have a dinner party at her house. It’s now the day of the dinner party and Naomi is grating on Thelma’s nerves. Vint’s kids aren’t excited about going to the movies with Thelma. But as she is getting ready to leave she bends over to pick up some magazines and has a back spasm. She’s now laid out flat on the floor on her back. Fran and the kids leave her there and go to the movies. Naomi’s guests see Thelma and are surprised. She ruins the appetizers. She starts telling depressing stories about people who have died and other creepy medical stories. They wind up feeding her and the evening goes downhill even faster. Thelma then starts telling stories about the things Naomi has said behind everyone’s back. All the guests leave after a little over an hour. Vint is beyond furious. Naomi is acting as if nothing was wrong. She grabs the tablecloth and then puts the tv trays over Thelma and throws the tablecloth over it. She even turns out the lights and exits the room. Thelma keeps calling for Naomi as all the beer she drank is starting to get to her. She starts screaming for help.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep09 – Amateur Night

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 9
Title: Amateur Night
Original Air Date: December 8, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: I don’t know why I let you talk me into this place. This is where flies come to die.

* Mama: Vint will you eat that chili before something obscene happens?

* Mama: Will you take that squeezebox and scram?

* Fran: Naomi I fear you may have created a monster.
Mama: Which makes you the bride of Frankenstein.

* Vint: Can you dig it?
Mama: I’d like to bury it.

* Naomi: Vinny Vegas? Does that mean I’m Naomi Vegas?

* Fran: If he wants to make a fool of himself that’s his privelge and birthright as a Harper.

* Mama: You’re asking for a second rope and you’re gonna hang yourself.


Synopsis: The family is at the Bigger Jigger to cheer Vint up. He didn’t get a promotion at Quick Keys. The Jigger is having a talent competition that night. The winner gets $100. Naomi wants him to enter with his Fred Astaire impersonation. The competition starts with a guy who makes faces. As others go up and perform, Vint starts to get nervous. Fran starts getting worried too. Naomi has to give him a giant pep talk to get him to go on. He puts on a spectacular show. He wins the competition. At the house Fran is practicing for their next performance. Vint comes home in a very flashy outfit. He’s changed up his whole act. He insults and upsets Fran. He gets a big head and makes everyone, including Naomi, mad. They all decide to not go but when they start to worry he’ll fail they race to rescue him. Mama tries to talk him out of humiliating himself. She corners him in the men’s room. Naomi and Fran follow them in. Mama tells Vint a story from her childhood. They have a moment but when they try to leave one of the men pulls off the door knob, trapping them. Everyone, finally gets home. Naomi and Vint head to their basement. Fran and Thelma sit on the couch. Fran wants to know what the men’s room was really like.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep08 – Gert Rides Again

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 8
Title: Gert Rides Again
Original Air Date: December 1, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: Well hurry it up. King Tut didn’t have that much wrapping on him.

* Mama: When you get old and do the same things as when you were young people think you’ve gone bonkers.

* Mama: If wrapping one present gets you this turned on Christmas around here should be a real barn burner.

* Mama: If she was any calmer she’d be a doily.

* Mama: Gertie how can you be old when you’re still getting offers like that?

* Mama: You are as young as you feel and right now I feel like a beer.

* Mama: Why do you talk like that? This isn’t Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.

* Vint: Hey Skeeter, why don’t we play post office anymore?
Mama: You two have graduated to Federal Express.


Synopsis: Vint and Noami are necking on the couch. Mama comes out disgusted. Fran comes running down the stairs with a gift too. They all talk about Aunt Gert. The gifts are all for her birthday. Mama tells a story from when she and Gert were younger. Mama leaves and the two start necking again. When Mama arrives to visit Gert she is shocked. She doesn’t want to open her present because she is bored to death. The nurse comes in and annoys Thelma. The nurse tells Thelma about the birthday party. One of the male residents pops in and proposes some hanky panky with Gert. Back at the house, Mama is sad at Gert’s state. Fran, Vint and Naomi try to comfort her. Thelma goes to visit her again on her birthday and she still hasn’t opened her gift. Thelma tries to kick her into gear. She brushes her hair and makes her get dressed. She finally gets Gert to act like herself again. Downstairs at the party, everyone is getting restless. Gert and Thelma arrive at the party. Out comes the cake and everyone sings Happy Birthday. Next they have to play musical chairs. Thelma gets annoyed by the nurse again and goes after her. Thelma gets someone to play the piano and starts a Conga line. At Mama’s house, the doorbell is ringing. She opens it and finds Gert at the door. She tells them they partied all night long. Fran comes down and is shocked to see Gert. Vint and Naomi come in too. Gert tells them all about the party. Gert announces that she and Alvin are looking for an apartment.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep07 – Ellen’s Boyfriend

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 7
Title: Ellen’s Boyfriend
Original Air Date: November 17, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: Sassiness does not sit well on a young face Missy.

* Mama: These slides are boring my bunions off too.

* Mama: Presbyterian, huh? Well they run a good bingo.

* Mama: I hope this things in English. I hate it when you have to guess what you’re eating.

* Mama: I hope you two old bags live happily ever after.

* Mama: What was she thinking? I’ve got wrinkles that are older than that boy.

* Mama: If I give it enough time he won’t be too young for you.

* Mama: Lord, how did I ever raise such a pack of sex maniacs?


Synopsis: Mama is trying to set up a projector screen. Buzz and Sonja try to sneak out but Mama catches them. Fran doesn’t want to watch the slides either. Everyone is up in arms over watching the slides. Ellen pops in and tells them she’s not staying. The kids make a run for it. Ellen is going to a lonely-hearts club. Before she leaves, Vint gives her some spare keys for her new locks. Mama decides they are still going to watch the slides. Later, Ellen get dropped off at Mama’s by Glenn. He wants to meet her family. He’s taking her to dinner at Chez Ray. However, it turns out Mama is home. When she walks in Mama wants Ellen to take her to the dentist. Mama wants to meet the man, but Ellen runs out. Vint finally gets off the phone and tells Mama he won. They are all going to Chez Ray tonight. Ellen and Glenn are at the restaurant. He leaves the table as Mama and family walk in. Fran spots Ellen. They all decide to join her. Ellen tells Mama that Glenn brought her there. Ellen introduces everyone to Glenn. Fran notices the bag that Ellen is using and flips her lid. They all make a big scene. The manager tries to calm it down. Ellen has a meltdown. At the house, Mama is cleaning like a mad woman. Fran tries to calm her down. She goes on about the bag and Mama gives it to her. Ellen comes in and the two get into a fight. Ellen realizes that Mama is jealous. They make up. Ellen rushes off to go be with Glenn.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep06 – Obscene Call

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 6
Title: Obscene Call
Original Air Date: November 10, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: You trust a total stranger and you won’t even tell your mother in law the price of the toilet paper.

* Mama: May I suggest you start getting friendly with my groceries.

* Naomi: Would it kill you to show me a little kindness one time?
Mama: Missy, you used up your one time they day I let you in the door.

* Vint: An obscene phone call. How do you know?
Naomi: Trust me.

* Mama: I don’t allow no weirdos on the phone unless its family.

* Mama: We’re not gonna let some pervert cut us off from the outside world.

* Naomi: Recognize his voice? I don’t even recognize half the words he uses.

* Mama: Good Lord, if that blouse was any lower it would be a skirt.

* Naomi: That’s just the way I move.
Mama: Well, it’s the way most people Rumba.


Synopsis: Naomi is checking groceries at the Food Circus. Mam is waiting in her line and getting annoyed. Naomi keeps helping everyone else except Mama. Back at the house, Fran is reading the paper. Vint and Naomi come in and announce Naomi won the friendliest checker award. The whole family celebrates. The phone starts ringing and finally Naomi answers it. However, the person on the other end says some very obscene things to her. She hangs up, but it rings again. Everyone keeps asking what the caller said. Naomi tells a clean version of it and everyone is horrified. The phone rings again and they all stare at it. Vint answers it but the person asks for Naomi and then he hands her the phone. It’s the obscene caller again. Mama decides that she’s gonna deal with the pervert herself. However, the next call that comes in is actually Naomi’s boss. After he calls the obscene caller is back. Mama calls the police and gets told to change her phone number. Mama turns on Naomi and blames the harassment on her. Fran gangs up on her too. Naomi turns to Vint for support, but he doesn’t provide any. Naomi blows up and stops talking to the whole family. The next day, Vint is sleeping on the couch. While she tries to cheer up Vint the phone rings. The caller asks for Naomi and when Thelma tells her she not there he gets obscene with Thelma, Fran and Vint. Now they have some sympathy for Naomi. Mama says they all need to apologize to Fran and they all head for the Food Circus. Naomi is not interested in talking to them. She freaks out on several customers. The three pick out an item each to buy. They attempt to apologize while making their purchases. She finally accepts their apologies. They all head back home and the phone is ringing as they enter. Thelma answers it and gives him a taste of his own medicine.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep04 – Naomi and the Stork

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 4
Title: Naomi and the Stork
Original Air Date: February 4, 1984


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Favorite Quotes:

* Naomi: I don’t know what is wrong with me.
Mama: You want a list?

* Mama: You should have thought of that before you started playing rumpus room roulette.

* Mama: Well, I bet the neighbors are going to love listening to this for nine months.

* Mama: You’re no fun, you’re already potty trained.

* Mama: Lord, even rabbits take a meal break.

* Mama: Don’t worry Frannie, if practice makes perfect I got my money on them.


Synopsis: Mama is cleaning the kitchen as Naomi comes up from the basement. Mama listens to Naomi complain about how she is feeling. She suddenly freaks out. Mama makes Naomi follow a tator masher with her eyes but it makes her feel sick. She announces that Naomi is pregnant. Naomi freaks out. Mama insists on Naomi using the same doctor she did, but when she calls she finds out he’s passed away. Naomi does not want Mama to tell Vinton. At dinner Fran tells everyone the newest gossip. Vint tells them they’ll only have to live there five more years and Naomi explodes into tears and runs downstairs. Mama tells Fran and the kids that Naomi is pregnant. Fran has a meltdown. Then she gets mad at Vinton and spills the beans. Thelma sends him downstairs to chat with Naomi. Downstairs, Naomi waxes philosophical. Then she breaks the news to Vinton. She thought he would flip out but instead he’s thrilled beyond belief. Suddenly, Naomi doesn’t want a baby in the basement. Now Vinton has to talk to Mama and try to move upstairs. The two discuss it in a family meeting. A fight breaks out. Mama shows up at Naomi’s doctor’s appointment. Naomi is shocked to see her there. Vinton shows up too. Sonia and Buzz come into the office too. They’ve also worked out a way for them to have an actual room. Then Fran shows up too, surprising everyone. Fran and the kids start fighting about who’s room the baby will sleep. The doctor calls Naomi with the test results. Back at the house everyone is quite subdued. She’s not actually pregnant, it was a false pregnancy. Naomi thanks everyone for making her feel like she was truly a part of the family because they all showed up at the doctor’s office.

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