Mama’s Family S02, Ep07 – Ellen’s Boyfriend

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 7
Title: Ellen’s Boyfriend
Original Air Date: November 17, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: Sassiness does not sit well on a young face Missy.

* Mama: These slides are boring my bunions off too.

* Mama: Presbyterian, huh? Well they run a good bingo.

* Mama: I hope this things in English. I hate it when you have to guess what you’re eating.

* Mama: I hope you two old bags live happily ever after.

* Mama: What was she thinking? I’ve got wrinkles that are older than that boy.

* Mama: If I give it enough time he won’t be too young for you.

* Mama: Lord, how did I ever raise such a pack of sex maniacs?


Synopsis: Mama is trying to set up a projector screen. Buzz and Sonja try to sneak out but Mama catches them. Fran doesn’t want to watch the slides either. Everyone is up in arms over watching the slides. Ellen pops in and tells them she’s not staying. The kids make a run for it. Ellen is going to a lonely-hearts club. Before she leaves, Vint gives her some spare keys for her new locks. Mama decides they are still going to watch the slides. Later, Ellen get dropped off at Mama’s by Glenn. He wants to meet her family. He’s taking her to dinner at Chez Ray. However, it turns out Mama is home. When she walks in Mama wants Ellen to take her to the dentist. Mama wants to meet the man, but Ellen runs out. Vint finally gets off the phone and tells Mama he won. They are all going to Chez Ray tonight. Ellen and Glenn are at the restaurant. He leaves the table as Mama and family walk in. Fran spots Ellen. They all decide to join her. Ellen tells Mama that Glenn brought her there. Ellen introduces everyone to Glenn. Fran notices the bag that Ellen is using and flips her lid. They all make a big scene. The manager tries to calm it down. Ellen has a meltdown. At the house, Mama is cleaning like a mad woman. Fran tries to calm her down. She goes on about the bag and Mama gives it to her. Ellen comes in and the two get into a fight. Ellen realizes that Mama is jealous. They make up. Ellen rushes off to go be with Glenn.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep20 – Adult Education

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 20
Title: Adult Education
Original Air Date: February 22, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: Ma, are you ok?
Sophia: I’m fine. I’m just trying to make Rose go away.

* Dorothy: Rose, one is testing. Fourteen is brunch.
Rose: Good Lord, I’m a criminal.

* Sophia: I hate Jello. If God wanted peaches suspended in midair, he would have filled them with helium.

* Blanche: He said the only way I’d get an A on my final is if I sleep with him.

* Rose: You’ll be so much happier if you use your brains instead of your body.

* Blanche: The talent to drive men crazy with a body that many said should have come with a warning label.

* Rose: To this day, every time I pass an ice cream parlor or a tackle shop, I blush.

* Dorothy: Take a lesson Rose. That’s how you tell a story.

* Blanche: You, sir, can kiss my A.

* Blanche: One day her butt will turn to mush, but I’ll always have my degree.


Synopsis: Sophia is ready to get her hair done, but Dorothy is on the phone trying to get tickets to the Frank Sinatra concert. Blanche joins them in the kitchen very upset. She failed her midterm exam. Dorothy finds out the concert is sold out and she becomes very upset. Sophia says she’ll get tickets. Later that night, Rose is helping Blanche study for her class. Dorothy comes home, she still has no tickets. Dorothy has decided to buy tickets for Sinatra from a scalper. But Blanche has her test that night so she can’t go. Blanche is still upset over her class and tries to go to a bar to cheer herself up. Rose and Dorothy don’t let her. She throws a tantrum. Dorothy tells her about her speech impediment as a kid to cheer her up. The teacher who helped her inspired her to become a teacher. Blanche decides to speak to her teacher. After class, she approaches him for help. However, inside of helping her he propositions her in exchange for an A. Back at the house, Rose made jello for Sophia. She’s not amused and gets grumpy with Rose. Dorothy comes home and instantly Sophia asks if she got tickets. She didn’t and she’s upset. Blanche comes in and tells them what happened. Dorothy informs her that what he did is sexual harassment. Dorothy volunteers to help her so she’ll pass the class. Dorothy tells a story about when she was sexually harassed. Blanche decides to report him. Rose also tells a story about being sexually harassed. Blanche goes to visit the Dean. She tells him about the sexual harassment by the professor. She tells him that she is failing and that he offered to give her an A if she would have sex with him. The Dean tells her that it’s her word against his and there is nothing he can do. Blanche storms into the kitchen, still upset. Rose tells her that she won four tickets to the Sinatra concert. Blanche tries to tell her what happened as Dorothy runs in excited that she got 3 tickets. Blanche tries again to tell what happened in the Dean’s office. But Rose starts trying to tell the ticket story. Blanche cuts her off and gives a short version. Before Blanche can tell tell her story, Sophia comes in with third row tickets. They’ve not got 10 tickets. Blanche storms out upset. She’s decided she’s going to study her butt off to pass that test. It’s the night of the test and Blanche is the last student left. The professor gives her the offer one last time. She refuses, but thanks him for motivating her into studying hard enough that she could pass. After telling him off she storms out. Back at the house, the other three finally come home. They didn’t get home til after 2am. They got arrested scalping the tickets to an undercover police officer. No one got to see the concert. Blanche brings up her test. She tells them she told the professor off.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep06 – Obscene Call

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 6
Title: Obscene Call
Original Air Date: November 10, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: You trust a total stranger and you won’t even tell your mother in law the price of the toilet paper.

* Mama: May I suggest you start getting friendly with my groceries.

* Naomi: Would it kill you to show me a little kindness one time?
Mama: Missy, you used up your one time they day I let you in the door.

* Vint: An obscene phone call. How do you know?
Naomi: Trust me.

* Mama: I don’t allow no weirdos on the phone unless its family.

* Mama: We’re not gonna let some pervert cut us off from the outside world.

* Naomi: Recognize his voice? I don’t even recognize half the words he uses.

* Mama: Good Lord, if that blouse was any lower it would be a skirt.

* Naomi: That’s just the way I move.
Mama: Well, it’s the way most people Rumba.


Synopsis: Naomi is checking groceries at the Food Circus. Mam is waiting in her line and getting annoyed. Naomi keeps helping everyone else except Mama. Back at the house, Fran is reading the paper. Vint and Naomi come in and announce Naomi won the friendliest checker award. The whole family celebrates. The phone starts ringing and finally Naomi answers it. However, the person on the other end says some very obscene things to her. She hangs up, but it rings again. Everyone keeps asking what the caller said. Naomi tells a clean version of it and everyone is horrified. The phone rings again and they all stare at it. Vint answers it but the person asks for Naomi and then he hands her the phone. It’s the obscene caller again. Mama decides that she’s gonna deal with the pervert herself. However, the next call that comes in is actually Naomi’s boss. After he calls the obscene caller is back. Mama calls the police and gets told to change her phone number. Mama turns on Naomi and blames the harassment on her. Fran gangs up on her too. Naomi turns to Vint for support, but he doesn’t provide any. Naomi blows up and stops talking to the whole family. The next day, Vint is sleeping on the couch. While she tries to cheer up Vint the phone rings. The caller asks for Naomi and when Thelma tells her she not there he gets obscene with Thelma, Fran and Vint. Now they have some sympathy for Naomi. Mama says they all need to apologize to Fran and they all head for the Food Circus. Naomi is not interested in talking to them. She freaks out on several customers. The three pick out an item each to buy. They attempt to apologize while making their purchases. She finally accepts their apologies. They all head back home and the phone is ringing as they enter. Thelma answers it and gives him a taste of his own medicine.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep19 – Second Motherhood

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 19
Title: Second Motherhood
Original Air Date: February 18, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: Great, my unmarried daughter wants to spend her weekend with a toilet.

* Dorothy: Come on, Blanche, even the paper boy knows where you’ll end up.

* Dorothy: Great Rose, call the Tidy Bowl man. He’ll jump in his boat and spread the news.

* Rose: You sure know your way around a snake.
Dorothy: I’ve had a lot of experience. After all, I was married to one for 38 years.

* Blanche: How can I say no to the man I love? I can’t even say no to men I like.

* Sophia: You’re making a big mistake. The man might be a moron but he knows how to fix a toilet.

* Sophia: Knock it off. It’s water not oil.


Synopsis: The ladies are looking for a plumber. Rose looks at the bid and thinks they are getting ripped off. She’s got experience with plumbing. Dorothy and Rose decide to fix the toilet themselves. Blanche joins them in the kitchen and the ladies discuss her current boyfriend. She’s worried that he thinks she’s only dating him for his money. Their date that night takes place on his plane. She’s a basket case on the plane. Back at the house, Rose is tapping the bathroom wall looking for a pipe. Dorothy comes in to find out why she is doing it because she woke her up. Blanche comes in and tells them about her date. Richard wants to introduce her to his family. Sophia comes in and kicks them out as she actually needs to use the bathroom. It’s Saturday night, and the two plumbers are excited about the new toilet being delivered. The plumber thinks they are nuts to install it themselves. He leaves the toilet in the living room. Dorothy and Rose are not able to move the toilet themselves. Rose sits on it to think just as Blanche brings Richard to meet them. She shows the two her engagement ring. But she can’t marry him. The girls are confused. It turns out that he has two young children. She is upset and going to have to tell him know. They all head into the kitchen. Neither Dorothy nor Rose can help her decide. Both tell stories about their kids. Sophia bursts into the kitchen excited about the toilet in front of the tv. Later, the two are working in the bathroom. Dorothy explodes with frustration. A mishap takes place as Sophia walks in with a plumber. They throw him out and Dorothy slams the door in his face. Blanche returns from her date but it was just the kids. She’s still on the fence about marrying Richard. She’s worried about the kids because they don’t get to see their father enough. Blanche doesn’t want him to marry her just to get a mother for his kids. That night, Blanche is on the plane again with Richard. She discusses with him where she stands right now and tells them that his kids should be the most important thing in his life. But she tells him she can’t marry him and gives him the ring back. She goes to leave but then remembers that she’s on a plane and they both laugh. The pair are back in the bathroom and have finally finished it. Blanche comes in to congratulate them on their success. Sophia comes in too. They then demonstrate everything works for her and she is not impressed.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep18 – The Operation

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 18
Title: The Operation
Original Air Date: February 8, 1986


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Amazon The Golden Girls: Season 1

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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: You drink out of a paper bag in the park and suddenly everybody is your friend.

* Sophia: I won’t dance, don’t ask me.

* Sophia: A mother knows when her child is lying, it’s like bat radar.

* Dorothy: You win, you always win but you don’t play fair.
Sophia: That’s why I always win.

* Dorothy: Rose, do a big ugly man with a limp a favor and shut up.

* Dorothy: You’re not serious.
Sophia: No, I’m just acting as stupid as you are.

* Dorothy: More men have seen my bottom today than in my entire life.

* Blanche: I think I caught what Dorothy has. My foot hurts.

* Rose: If you end up in a puddle tonight you better break into Singing In The Rain.


Synopsis: Blanche and Rose bring Dorothy home, limping. She has injured herself tap dancing. Dorothy brushes it off as no big deal. They head into the kitchen for a snack. Dorothy’s foot continues to cause her pain. Blanche tells her to do a Cincinnati Time step and when she does she exclaims in pain. The next day Blanche and Rose practice while Dorothy is at the doctor. When she comes home she lies and tells them she is fine. Sophia tells her she is lying and forces her to tell the truth. She has a small tumor in her foot that needs to be removed. It can be removed, but she does not want to do it. She has a panic attack. Sophia guilts her into having surgery. Dorothy checks in to the hospital the night before the surgery but the girls don’t calm her fears and she tries to leave. After the girls leave a doctor comes in and tells her that he will be doing her surgery because the scheduled doctor is going to be in court. Later that evening a Priest arrives. He starts giving Dorothy her last rites. He’s in the wrong room and doesn’t help her fears. Back at the house Blanche is getting ready to go out. She sees Dorothy walk by. Rose runs in telling Blanche to call the police. They try to get her to go back to the hospital. Sophia comes in and Dorothy keeps trying to not go back. So she tells about being left alone at 5 years old in the hospital. She continues to say no, so Sophia tells her she will remove the tumor. Dorothy agrees to go back to the hospital. She has a roommate now who has to have surgery as well. After she tells Dorothy her story, Dorothy is singing a whole different tune. Back at the house, Rose is trying to get Blanche to go to the recital. Blanche tells Rose that she is afraid to perform in front of groups. She then tells her an embarrassing story from her childhood. Rose, however, is not taking it. She makes her go. Dorothy wakes up to find her mom asleep in the chair next to her. Blanche and Rose come to visit Dorothy. The two had to change up their act. They perform their routine for Dorothy and Sophia. She’s impressed but pissed. She puts her arm through Rose’s hat.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep04 – Naomi and the Stork

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 4
Title: Naomi and the Stork
Original Air Date: February 4, 1984


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Favorite Quotes:

* Naomi: I don’t know what is wrong with me.
Mama: You want a list?

* Mama: You should have thought of that before you started playing rumpus room roulette.

* Mama: Well, I bet the neighbors are going to love listening to this for nine months.

* Mama: You’re no fun, you’re already potty trained.

* Mama: Lord, even rabbits take a meal break.

* Mama: Don’t worry Frannie, if practice makes perfect I got my money on them.


Synopsis: Mama is cleaning the kitchen as Naomi comes up from the basement. Mama listens to Naomi complain about how she is feeling. She suddenly freaks out. Mama makes Naomi follow a tator masher with her eyes but it makes her feel sick. She announces that Naomi is pregnant. Naomi freaks out. Mama insists on Naomi using the same doctor she did, but when she calls she finds out he’s passed away. Naomi does not want Mama to tell Vinton. At dinner Fran tells everyone the newest gossip. Vint tells them they’ll only have to live there five more years and Naomi explodes into tears and runs downstairs. Mama tells Fran and the kids that Naomi is pregnant. Fran has a meltdown. Then she gets mad at Vinton and spills the beans. Thelma sends him downstairs to chat with Naomi. Downstairs, Naomi waxes philosophical. Then she breaks the news to Vinton. She thought he would flip out but instead he’s thrilled beyond belief. Suddenly, Naomi doesn’t want a baby in the basement. Now Vinton has to talk to Mama and try to move upstairs. The two discuss it in a family meeting. A fight breaks out. Mama shows up at Naomi’s doctor’s appointment. Naomi is shocked to see her there. Vinton shows up too. Sonia and Buzz come into the office too. They’ve also worked out a way for them to have an actual room. Then Fran shows up too, surprising everyone. Fran and the kids start fighting about who’s room the baby will sleep. The doctor calls Naomi with the test results. Back at the house everyone is quite subdued. She’s not actually pregnant, it was a false pregnancy. Naomi thanks everyone for making her feel like she was truly a part of the family because they all showed up at the doctor’s office.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep17 – Nice and Easy

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 17
Title: Nice and Easy
Original Air Date: February 1, 1986

Favorite Quotes:

* Blanche: All right, you all please, no more rat talk.

* Dorothy: At 30,000 feet, she picks up a doctor, now I see the resemblance.

* Dorothy: Rose, do you have any idea how weird you are?

* Dorothy: This is the second man she’s gone away with and she only got here yesterday.

* Blanche: Ed picking up Michael was doing his job. You picking up Ed is something we need to talk about.

* Dorothy: Rose are you telling a story or performing “Our Town?”

* Rose: This mouse is an odd duck.
Dorothy: Rose, how many head wounds have you had?

* Dorothy: Ed for a policeman you’ve led a very sheltered life.

* Dorothy: I don’t believe this, I’m talking to a mouse. The scary part is I think you’re listening.

* Rose: Don’t be silly, you couldn’t even kill a little mouse.

* Dorothy: We enjoyed having you.
Sophia: So did half of Miami.
Dorothy: Ma!!

Synopsis: Sophia is painting her nails in the living room. Blanche is upset because her niece, Lucy, is coming to visit. Dorothy comes out of the kitchen freaking out about a rat, but Rose says it’s a mouse. Blanche wants to call an exterminator, but Rose won’t let her. She tells a story about a pet mouse she had and how he saved her life. The doorbell rings and it’s Lucy. Lucy tells them she met a doctor on the plane. The next day Dorothy is upset because the mouse is still there. Rose tells her she will talk to the mouse. Blanche storms in upset that Lucy never came home. Lucy walks in the kitchen. She tells them the doctor took her on a midnight cruise. Out on the lanai Sophia and Dorothy are playing checkers. Lucy comes out and tells them she’s going out again. Dorothy assumes it’s the doctor again, but it’s someone from the college. Blanche comes out and checks on her. When Lucy tells her she’s going to the Bahamas, she’s upset but then lets her go. After she takes off Dorothy tells her she’s not going with the doctor. Blanche will try and talk to her when she gets back. Sophia tells a story. Blanche falls asleep on the couch waiting for Lucy to come home. Lucy has a third guy with her, Ed a policeman. Blanche tries to ground her but Lucy storms out. In the kitchen Blanche is upset. The girls try to comfort her. Rose tells a story about when she rebelled as a teen. Blanche then tells several stories about her teenage years. Blanche decides to go after Lucy. They all get up to leave and Dorothy screams about the mouse. Lucy is at her newest boyfriend’s apartment. There’s a knock at the door and its Blanche, Dorothy and Rose. Rose compliments Ed on his apartment while Blanche and Lucy talk in his room. They have quite the heart to heart. In the living room, Ed gives Rose a Miami Vice trivia quiz. Blanche and Lucy come out and everyone leaves. Back in the kitchen, we see the adorable little field mouse. Dorothy is trying to kill it with a broom but winds up having a conversation with it. Rose walks in and catches the conversation. Dorothy convinces the mouse to exit the way it came in. Rose is so excited that Dorothy can talk to animals and Dorothy tries to play it off. Blanche comes in and lets them know Lucy is about to leave. Everyone says goodbye. Rose wants to know what she told Lucy that night. Blanche gives them a short version.

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