Mama’s Family S02, Ep06 – Obscene Call

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 6
Title: Obscene Call
Original Air Date: November 10, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: You trust a total stranger and you won’t even tell your mother in law the price of the toilet paper.

* Mama: May I suggest you start getting friendly with my groceries.

* Naomi: Would it kill you to show me a little kindness one time?
Mama: Missy, you used up your one time they day I let you in the door.

* Vint: An obscene phone call. How do you know?
Naomi: Trust me.

* Mama: I don’t allow no weirdos on the phone unless its family.

* Mama: We’re not gonna let some pervert cut us off from the outside world.

* Naomi: Recognize his voice? I don’t even recognize half the words he uses.

* Mama: Good Lord, if that blouse was any lower it would be a skirt.

* Naomi: That’s just the way I move.
Mama: Well, its’ the way most people Rumba.


Synopsis: Naomi is checking groceries at the Food Circus. Mam is waiting in her line and getting annoyed. Naomi keeps helping everyone else except Mama. Back at the house, Fran is reading the paper. Vint and Naomi come in and announce Naomi won the friendliest checker award. The whole family celebrates. The phone starts ringing and finally Naomi answers it. However, the person on the other end says some very obscene things to her. She hangs up, but it rings again. Everyone keeps asking what the caller said. Naomi tells a clean version of it and everyone is horrified. The phone rings again and they all stare at it. Vint answers it but the person asks for Naomi and then he hands her the phone. It’s the obscene caller again. Mama decides that she’s gonna deal with the pervert herself. However, the next call that comes in is actually Naomi’s boss. After he calls the obscene caller is back. Mama calls the police and gets told to change her phone number. Mama turns on Naomi and blames the harassment on her. Fran gangs up on her too. Naomi turns to Vint for support, but he doesn’t provide any. Naomi blows up and stops talking to the whole family. The next day, Vint is sleeping on the couch. While she tries to cheer up Vint the phone rings. The caller asks for Naomi and when Thelma tells her she not there he gets obscene with Thelma, Fran and Vint. Now they have some sympathy for Naomi. Mama says they all need to apologize to Fran and they all head for the Food Circus. Naomi is not interested in talking to them. She freaks out on several customers. The three pick out an item each to buy. They attempt to apologize while making their purchases. She finally accepts their apologies. They all head back home and the phone is ringing as they enter. Thelma answers it and gives him a taste of his own medicine.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep19 – Second Motherhood

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 19
Title: Second Motherhood
Original Air Date: February 18, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: Great, my unmarried daughter wants to spend her weekend with a toilet.

* Dorothy: Come on, Blanche, even the paper boy knows where you’ll end up.

* Dorothy: Great Rose, call the Tidy Bowl man. He’ll jump in his boat and spread the news.

* Rose: You sure know your way around a snake.
Dorothy: I’ve had a lot of experience. After all, I was married to one for 38 years.

* Blanche: How can I say no to the man I love? I can’t even say no to men I like.

* Sophia: You’re making a big mistake. The man might be a moron but he knows how to fix a toilet.

* Sophia: Knock it off. It’s water not oil.


Synopsis: The ladies are looking for a plumber. Rose looks at the bid and thinks they are getting ripped off. She’s got experience with plumbing. Dorothy and Rose decide to fix the toilet themselves. Blanche joins them in the kitchen and the ladies discuss her current boyfriend. She’s worried that he thinks she’s only dating him for his money. Their date that night takes place on his plane. She’s a basket case on the plane. Back at the house, Rose is tapping the bathroom wall looking for a pipe. Dorothy comes in to find out why she is doing it because she woke her up. Blanche comes in and tells them about her date. Richard wants to introduce her to his family. Sophia comes in and kicks them out as she actually needs to use the bathroom. It’s Saturday night, and the two plumbers are excited about the new toilet being delivered. The plumber thinks they are nuts to install it themselves. He leaves the toilet in the living room. Dorothy and Rose are not able to move the toilet themselves. Rose sits on it to think just as Blanche brings Richard to meet them. She shows the two her engagement ring. But she can’t marry him. The girls are confused. It turns out that he has two young children. She is upset and going to have to tell him know. They all head into the kitchen. Neither Dorothy nor Rose can help her decide. Both tell stories about their kids. Sophia bursts into the kitchen excited about the toilet in front of the tv. Later, the two are working in the bathroom. Dorothy explodes with frustration. A mishap takes place as Sophia walks in with a plumber. They throw him out and Dorothy slams the door in his face. Blanche returns from her date but it was just the kids. She’s still on the fence about marrying Richard. She’s worried about the kids because they don’t get to see their father enough. Blanche doesn’t want him to marry her just to get a mother for his kids. That night, Blanche is on the plane again with Richard. She discusses with him where she stands right now and tells them that his kids should be the most important thing in his life. But she tells him she can’t marry him and gives him the ring back. She goes to leave but then remembers that she’s on a plane and they both laugh. The pair are back in the bathroom and have finally finished it. Blanche comes in to congratulate them on their success. Sophia comes in too. They then demonstrate everything works for her and she is not impressed.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep18 – The Operation

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 18
Title: The Operation
Original Air Date: February 8, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: You drink out of a paper bag in the park and suddenly everybody is your friend.

* Sophia: I won’t dance, don’t ask me.

* Sophia: A mother knows when her child is lying, it’s like bat radar.

* Dorothy: You win, you always win but you don’t play fair.
Sophia: That’s why I always win.

* Dorothy: Rose, do a big ugly man with a limp a favor and shut up.

* Dorothy: You’re not serious.
Sophia: No, I’m just acting as stupid as you are.

* Dorothy: More men have seen my bottom today than in my entire life.

* Blanche: I think I caught what Dorothy has. My foot hurts.

* Rose: If you end up in a puddle tonight you better break into Singing In The Rain.


Synopsis: Blanche and Rose bring Dorothy home, limping. She has injured herself tap dancing. Dorothy brushes it off as no big deal. They head into the kitchen for a snack. Dorothy’s foot continues to cause her pain. Blanche tells her to do a Cincinnati Time step and when she does she exclaims in pain. The next day Blanche and Rose practice while Dorothy is at the doctor. When she comes home she lies and tells them she is fine. Sophia tells her she is lying and forces her to tell the truth. She has a small tumor in her foot that needs to be removed. It can be removed, but she does not want to do it. She has a panic attack. Sophia guilts her into having surgery. Dorothy checks in to the hospital the night before the surgery but the girls don’t calm her fears and she tries to leave. After the girls leave a doctor comes in and tells her that he will be doing her surgery because the scheduled doctor is going to be in court. Later that evening a Priest arrives. He starts giving Dorothy her last rites. He’s in the wrong room and doesn’t help her fears. Back at the house Blanche is getting ready to go out. She sees Dorothy walk by. Rose runs in telling Blanche to call the police. They try to get her to go back to the hospital. Sophia comes in and Dorothy keeps trying to not go back. So she tells about being left alone at 5 years old in the hospital. She continues to say no, so Sophia tells her she will remove the tumor. Dorothy agrees to go back to the hospital. She has a roommate now who has to have surgery as well. After she tells Dorothy her story, Dorothy is singing a whole different tune. Back at the house, Rose is trying to get Blanche to go to the recital. Blanche tells Rose that she is afraid to perform in front of groups. She then tells her an embarrassing story from her childhood. Rose, however, is not taking it. She makes her go. Dorothy wakes up to find her mom asleep in the chair next to her. Blanche and Rose come to visit Dorothy. The two had to change up their act. They perform their routine for Dorothy and Sophia. She’s impressed but pissed. She puts her arm through Rose’s hat.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep04 – Naomi and the Stork

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 4
Title: Naomi and the Stork
Original Air Date: February 4, 1984


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Favorite Quotes:

* Naomi: I don’t know what is wrong with me.
Mama: You want a list?

* Mama: You should have thought of that before you started playing rumpus room roulette.

* Mama: Well, I bet the neighbors are going to love listening to this for nine months.

* Mama: You’re no fun, you’re already potty trained.

* Mama: Lord, even rabbits take a meal break.

* Mama: Don’t worry Frannie, if practice makes perfect I got my money on them.


Synopsis: Mama is cleaning the kitchen as Naomi comes up from the basement. Mama listens to Naomi complain about how she is feeling. She suddenly freaks out. Mama makes Naomi follow a tator masher with her eyes but it makes her feel sick. She announces that Naomi is pregnant. Naomi freaks out. Mama insists on Naomi using the same doctor she did, but when she calls she finds out he’s passed away. Naomi does not want Mama to tell Vinton. At dinner Fran tells everyone the newest gossip. Vint tells them they’ll only have to live there five more years and Naomi explodes into tears and runs downstairs. Mama tells Fran and the kids that Naomi is pregnant. Fran has a meltdown. Then she gets mad at Vinton and spills the beans. Thelma sends him downstairs to chat with Naomi. Downstairs, Naomi waxes philosophical. Then she breaks the news to Vinton. She thought he would flip out but instead he’s thrilled beyond belief. Suddenly, Naomi doesn’t want a baby in the basement. Now Vinton has to talk to Mama and try to move upstairs. The two discuss it in a family meeting. A fight breaks out. Mama shows up at Naomi’s doctor’s appointment. Naomi is shocked to see her there. Vinton shows up too. Sonia and Buzz come into the office too. They’ve also worked out a way for them to have an actual room. Then Fran shows up too, surprising everyone. Fran and the kids start fighting about who’s room the baby will sleep. The doctor calls Naomi with the test results. Back at the house everyone is quite subdued. She’s not actually pregnant, it was a false pregnancy. Naomi thanks everyone for making her feel like she was truly a part of the family because they all showed up at the doctor’s office.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep17 – Nice and Easy

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 17
Title: Nice and Easy
Original Air Date: February 1, 1986

Favorite Quotes:

* Blanche: All right, you all please, no more rat talk.

* Dorothy: At 30,000 feet, she picks up a doctor, now I see the resemblance.

* Dorothy: Rose, do you have any idea how weird you are?

* Dorothy: This is the second man she’s gone away with and she only got here yesterday.

* Blanche: Ed picking up Michael was doing his job. You picking up Ed is something we need to talk about.

* Dorothy: Rose are you telling a story or performing “Our Town?”

* Rose: This mouse is an odd duck.
Dorothy: Rose, how many head wounds have you had?

* Dorothy: Ed for a policeman you’ve led a very sheltered life.

* Dorothy: I don’t believe this, I’m talking to a mouse. The scary part is I think you’re listening.

* Rose: Don’t be silly, you couldn’t even kill a little mouse.

* Dorothy: We enjoyed having you.
Sophia: So did half of Miami.
Dorothy: Ma!!

Synopsis: Sophia is painting her nails in the living room. Blanche is upset because her niece, Lucy, is coming to visit. Dorothy comes out of the kitchen freaking out about a rat, but Rose says it’s a mouse. Blanche wants to call an exterminator, but Rose won’t let her. She tells a story about a pet mouse she had and how he saved her life. The doorbell rings and it’s Lucy. Lucy tells them she met a doctor on the plane. The next day Dorothy is upset because the mouse is still there. Rose tells her she will talk to the mouse. Blanche storms in upset that Lucy never came home. Lucy walks in the kitchen. She tells them the doctor took her on a midnight cruise. Out on the lanai Sophia and Dorothy are playing checkers. Lucy comes out and tells them she’s going out again. Dorothy assumes it’s the doctor again, but it’s someone from the college. Blanche comes out and checks on her. When Lucy tells her she’s going to the Bahamas, she’s upset but then lets her go. After she takes off Dorothy tells her she’s not going with the doctor. Blanche will try and talk to her when she gets back. Sophia tells a story. Blanche falls asleep on the couch waiting for Lucy to come home. Lucy has a third guy with her, Ed a policeman. Blanche tries to ground her but Lucy storms out. In the kitchen Blanche is upset. The girls try to comfort her. Rose tells a story about when she rebelled as a teen. Blanche then tells several stories about her teenage years. Blanche decides to go after Lucy. They all get up to leave and Dorothy screams about the mouse. Lucy is at her newest boyfriend’s apartment. There’s a knock at the door and its Blanche, Dorothy and Rose. Rose compliments Ed on his apartment while Blanche and Lucy talk in his room. They have quite the heart to heart. In the living room, Ed gives Rose a Miami Vice trivia quiz. Blanche and Lucy come out and everyone leaves. Back in the kitchen, we see the adorable little field mouse. Dorothy is trying to kill it with a broom but winds up having a conversation with it. Rose walks in and catches the conversation. Dorothy convinces the mouse to exit the way it came in. Rose is so excited that Dorothy can talk to animals and Dorothy tries to play it off. Blanche comes in and lets them know Lucy is about to leave. Everyone says goodbye. Rose wants to know what she told Lucy that night. Blanche gives them a short version.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep16 – The Truth Will Out

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 16
Title: The Truth Will Out
Original Air Date: January 18, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: How practical, a snack you can panel your den with.

* Dorothy: Tell me Rose do any of your kids still have their own teeth?

* Sophia: Look at this I’m a walking time bomb. Stand back I could blow any minute.

* Sophia: I’m begging you, while we’re sleeping together lay off the broccoli at dinner.

* Blanche: Boy, I’d love to put some surprises in my will. Like leaving a small remembrance who’s brought some special joy or please to my life.
Dorothy: Where would they read that will, the astrodome?

* Sophia: That’s a girl’s name? Charlie, that’s a bookies name.

* Blanche: Have you noticed Rose has been acting peculiar?
Dorothy: Yes, Blanche, from the first day I met her.

* Blanche: What are you going to do with yours?
Dorothy: It’s a log, I’m going to burn it.

* Blanche: I have no secrets from you. My whole life is an open book.
Sophia: Your whole life is an open blouse.

* Rose: We’re in the middle of a make up lesson.
Sophia: I hope the kid can help you, you wear more rouge that Miss Piggy.

* Rose: Dorothy, you’re sleeping with a liar.
Dorothy: Don’t worry about it Rose, most of the people I’ve slept with were liars.

* Blanche: So that’s it? That’s the big secret, Charlie was a nice guy.


Synopsis: Dorothy enters the kitchen. Rose is making a maple log. Dorothy tries a piece and nearly loses all her teeth. Rose’s daughter and granddaughter is coming to town and she is making it for them. Blanche comes in going on about a tabloid. Sophia comes in saying her blood pressure is too high. She is trying to get out of sharing a room with Dorothy. Rose is nervous about her family coming to visit. Turns out she is going over her will with her daughter. Rose has headed off to the airport. Blanche comes home with sequined socks. Blanche and Dorothy discuss Rose’s nervousness regarding her daughter and her will. But Blanche digresses back to the tabloid story. Rose arrives with Kirsten and Charlie. They’ve brought gifts. It’s the same maple log that Rose was making earlier. Everyone has dinner out on the lanai. Rose cleans up dinner and Kirsten helps her. Kirsten thinks that Rose is rich, but when she looks at the will she thinks something is wrong. Kirsten gets angry and Rose. She believes that she squandered all the money that her father had made. She gets upset and storms out of the kitchen. Later that night Rose can’t sleep and is in the kitchen. Dorothy and Blanche find her in the kitchen and attempt to comfort her. Sophia joins them. Rose talks about lies and askes the girls about the biggest lie they ever told. Rose melts down. She can’t tell Kirsten the truth about the money with revealing a secret about her husband. In Rose’s room Charlie plays dress up. Rose comes in to get Charlie for lunch. Rose learns that the only thing Charlie has ever heard about her grandpa was that he was successful and rich. That night Sophia cries uncle, Dorothy won’t stop tossing and turning, that and her cold feet are keeping her awake. Sophia takes Rose’s bed and Rose bunks with Dorothy. Rose confesses to Dorothy but she has pretended to have fallen asleep. The next day Blanche is still going on about the tabloid case. Kirsten comes in the front door, she announces they’re leaving much earlier. Rose tries to talk to Kirsten. She finally tells her the truth, that there was no money. They make up.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep02 – The Return of Leonard Oates

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 2
Title: The Return of Leonard Oates
Original Air Date: October 13, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: Well good Lord, why don’t you two take it to the frozen food section and cool it off.

* Mama: This rag isn’t fit to wrap fish in.

* Mama: Liz Taylor. Says she might tie the knot again. Nice to see somebody’s been married more times than Naomi.

* Naomi: Where’d you get that outfit? You rob a bank or something?

* Mama: Well I should have known better than to trust my head to a beauty school dropout.
Naomi: For your information I was top of my class in permanent wave.

* Mama: I have watch the Days of our Lives long enough to know that ex-husbands don’t show up at the door unless they’re after something.

* Mama: Where’d you get that jacket? Was Sitting Bull having a garage sale?

* Naomi: Oh Fran, have you ever met a man who swept you off your feet and made you go so weak in the knees that you could no longer tell right from wrong?
Fran: I need some coffee.

* Fran: But Naomi what could Lenard possibly offer you other than indulgences of the flesh.
Naomi: Two and one half million dollars.
Fran: I see your dilemma.

* Naomi: I’m afraid I might have left the solution on a little long.
Mama: A little long? You’ve turned me into a Q-Tip.

* Naomi: There’s no such thing as a free lunch. Honey, are you so blind that you cannot see what that man is trying to do?

* Mama: Naomi you could be rolling my hair while you spill your guts.

* Mama: Naomi would you get your fingers out of his hair and back into mine?

* Naomi: Thank you Ms— Mama!!
Mama: Oh good Lord.


Synopsis: Naomi is at her check stand at the market. Vint sneaks up on her and they start making out over her register. Thelma tries to use Naomi’s express lane to check out. They get into a scuffle because Thelma is well over item limit. Thelma reminds Naomi about her perm tonight for her reunion. Naomi winds up paying for the groceries. After they leave a man walks up with flowers and candy. It’s Naomi’s ex-husband Leonard Oates. He tells her he is worth half a million dollars now. He started a mail order bait business. And now he wants Naomi back. She informs him that she is married again. She tells him no. But he refuses to leave until he gets her back. She looks like she is going to cry. Back at the house Thelma’s perm is not going well. There is a problem with the plumbing and there is no water to wash the solution out with. Sonja comes in looking for water. She whacks the sink with the monkey wrench and it starts working. The doorbell rings and its Leonard Oates at the door. Naomi introduces everyone. Thelma cuts to the chase with him. He’s brought a video game system. Leonard wants her to annul her wedding to Vint. He makes a move on her. He leaves and Thelma yells about her perm. The next morning Naomi is in the kitchen driving coffee. She tries to confide in Fran but she warns her that she can’t keep a secret. Naomi tells Fran that Leonard wants her back and she doesn’t know what to do. At that moment Thelma bursts into the kitchen livid, her hair looks like a frizzy poodle. Vint comes up from the basement. He is shocked by Thelma’s hair. Vint does not help her make up her mind. Thelma comes back in. Fran spills about Naomi going to the Bigger Jigger. Fran races there to try and save the day. Vint is taking Thelma to the Jigger. The two arrive. They start having a dust up. Naomi starts setting her hair with beer. She informs him she isn’t going to run away with him. Naomi tells Vint that she is staying because he wasn’t jealous or suspicious. He trusted Naomi. Fran gets all teary at Naomi’s speech. Leonard puts down the whole family as he leaves, but Thelma sticks up for her. Everyone heads back to the house and plays the video game.

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