Mama’s Family S02, Ep08 – Gert Rides Again

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 8
Title: Gert Rides Again
Original Air Date: December 1, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: Well hurry it up. King Tut didn’t have that much wrapping on him.

* Mama: When you get old and do the same things as when you were young people think you’ve gone bonkers.

* Mama: If wrapping one present gets you this turned on Christmas around here should be a real barn burner.

* Mama: If she was any calmer she’d be a doily.

* Mama: Gertie how can you be old when you’re still getting offers like that?

* Mama: You are as young as you feel and right now I feel like a beer.

* Mama: Why do you talk like that? This isn’t Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.

* Vint: Hey Skeeter, why don’t we play post office anymore?
Mama: You two have graduated to Federal Express.


Synopsis: Vint and Noami are necking on the couch. Mama comes out disgusted. Fran comes running down the stairs with a gift too. They all talk about Aunt Gert. The gifts are all for her birthday. Mama tells a story from when she and Gert were younger. Mama leaves and the two start necking again. When Mama arrives to visit Gert she is shocked. She doesn’t want to open her present because she is bored to death. The nurse comes in and annoys Thelma. The nurse tells Thelma about the birthday party. One of the male residents pops in and proposes some hanky panky with Gert. Back at the house, Mama is sad at Gert’s state. Fran, Vint and Naomi try to comfort her. Thelma goes to visit her again on her birthday and she still hasn’t opened her gift. Thelma tries to kick her into gear. She brushes her hair and makes her get dressed. She finally gets Gert to act like herself again. Downstairs at the party, everyone is getting restless. Gert and Thelma arrive at the party. Out comes the cake and everyone sings Happy Birthday. Next they have to play musical chairs. Thelma gets annoyed by the nurse again and goes after her. Thelma gets someone to play the piano and starts a Conga line. At Mama’s house, the doorbell is ringing. She opens it and finds Gert at the door. She tells them they partied all night long. Fran comes down and is shocked to see Gert. Vint and Naomi come in too. Gert tells them all about the party. Gert announces that she and Alvin are looking for an apartment.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep21 – The Flu

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode:
Title: The Flu
Original Air Date: March 1, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: Blanche Deveraux can’t find a date?
Blanche: Oh don’t be ridiculous.

* Blanche: I haven’t had to disappoint so many men since Daddy tore down the treehouse.

* Blanche: I treat my body like a temple.
Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.

* Blanche: I feel hot.
Dorothy: I feel cold.
Rose: I feel guilty. This is all my fault.

* Blanche: Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

* Rose: You have done some good work Dorothy, but not enough people like you. Sorry.


Synopsis: Sophia is altering Dorothy’s dress for a banquet. Blanche comes in and announces she bought the dress she’d been eyeing. Blanche and Sophia are still dateless. Rose enters the kitchen looking for aspirin. She is coming down with something and Dorothy freaks out. Rose tries to calm them down. Several days later, the three are all on the couch and they are very sick. Sophia comes in and tells them she got turned down for a date. The doorbell rings and it’s the doctor. She determines that they all have the flu and it’s going to last at least a week. After the doctor leaves, Sophia tells a story about ear salve that turns into pesto sauce. Three days later, Blanche and Dorothy fight over Blanche’s heating pad. Rose comes out with a hot toddy. Rose then tells a St. Olaf story. Her hot toddy is keeping her cheerful, but it should have an octane rating. Rose is pretty drunk. Blanche gets up to turn on her soap opera and Dorothy protests. The three start fighting. The next day, Dorothy is in the kitchen. Rose comes in and asks about orange juice and Dorothy takes it all. Blanche comes in upset about her Vicks Vaporub. Rose was upset about her NyQuil being missing but Dorothy took it. They start taking shots at each other and Rose starts crying. Everyone apologizes. They have a group hug. Sophia comes in and gives them the news that when she cancelled for them the organizer was disappointed. Sophia thinks one of them won the big award. They all decide to go to the banquet now. At the banquet, the ladies are still sick. Blanche shows up without a date, while the others have one. The trio get competitive. Sophia shows up with her date, a much, much younger man. Blanche manages to produce a date, but it turns out she snagged a waiter. She admits her date backed out because of how she looked. It’s now time for the big award. The three start fighting again over who is going to win. The winner is Sophia. Her speech makes the ladies feel guilty for fighting with each other and they make up. They make a toast to friendship and sneeze in unison.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep07 – Ellen’s Boyfriend

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 7
Title: Ellen’s Boyfriend
Original Air Date: November 17, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: Sassiness does not sit well on a young face Missy.

* Mama: These slides are boring my bunions off too.

* Mama: Presbyterian, huh? Well they run a good bingo.

* Mama: I hope this things in English. I hate it when you have to guess what you’re eating.

* Mama: I hope you two old bags live happily ever after.

* Mama: What was she thinking? I’ve got wrinkles that are older than that boy.

* Mama: If I give it enough time he won’t be too young for you.

* Mama: Lord, how did I ever raise such a pack of sex maniacs?


Synopsis: Mama is trying to set up a projector screen. Buzz and Sonja try to sneak out but Mama catches them. Fran doesn’t want to watch the slides either. Everyone is up in arms over watching the slides. Ellen pops in and tells them she’s not staying. The kids make a run for it. Ellen is going to a lonely-hearts club. Before she leaves, Vint gives her some spare keys for her new locks. Mama decides they are still going to watch the slides. Later, Ellen get dropped off at Mama’s by Glenn. He wants to meet her family. He’s taking her to dinner at Chez Ray. However, it turns out Mama is home. When she walks in Mama wants Ellen to take her to the dentist. Mama wants to meet the man, but Ellen runs out. Vint finally gets off the phone and tells Mama he won. They are all going to Chez Ray tonight. Ellen and Glenn are at the restaurant. He leaves the table as Mama and family walk in. Fran spots Ellen. They all decide to join her. Ellen tells Mama that Glenn brought her there. Ellen introduces everyone to Glenn. Fran notices the bag that Ellen is using and flips her lid. They all make a big scene. The manager tries to calm it down. Ellen has a meltdown. At the house, Mama is cleaning like a mad woman. Fran tries to calm her down. She goes on about the bag and Mama gives it to her. Ellen comes in and the two get into a fight. Ellen realizes that Mama is jealous. They make up. Ellen rushes off to go be with Glenn.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep20 – Adult Education

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 20
Title: Adult Education
Original Air Date: February 22, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: Ma, are you ok?
Sophia: I’m fine. I’m just trying to make Rose go away.

* Dorothy: Rose, one is testing. Fourteen is brunch.
Rose: Good Lord, I’m a criminal.

* Sophia: I hate Jello. If God wanted peaches suspended in midair, he would have filled them with helium.

* Blanche: He said the only way I’d get an A on my final is if I sleep with him.

* Rose: You’ll be so much happier if you use your brains instead of your body.

* Blanche: The talent to drive men crazy with a body that many said should have come with a warning label.

* Rose: To this day, every time I pass an ice cream parlor or a tackle shop, I blush.

* Dorothy: Take a lesson Rose. That’s how you tell a story.

* Blanche: You, sir, can kiss my A.

* Blanche: One day her butt will turn to mush, but I’ll always have my degree.


Synopsis: Sophia is ready to get her hair done, but Dorothy is on the phone trying to get tickets to the Frank Sinatra concert. Blanche joins them in the kitchen very upset. She failed her midterm exam. Dorothy finds out the concert is sold out and she becomes very upset. Sophia says she’ll get tickets. Later that night, Rose is helping Blanche study for her class. Dorothy comes home, she still has no tickets. Dorothy has decided to buy tickets for Sinatra from a scalper. But Blanche has her test that night so she can’t go. Blanche is still upset over her class and tries to go to a bar to cheer herself up. Rose and Dorothy don’t let her. She throws a tantrum. Dorothy tells her about her speech impediment as a kid to cheer her up. The teacher who helped her inspired her to become a teacher. Blanche decides to speak to her teacher. After class, she approaches him for help. However, inside of helping her he propositions her in exchange for an A. Back at the house, Rose made jello for Sophia. She’s not amused and gets grumpy with Rose. Dorothy comes home and instantly Sophia asks if she got tickets. She didn’t and she’s upset. Blanche comes in and tells them what happened. Dorothy informs her that what he did is sexual harassment. Dorothy volunteers to help her so she’ll pass the class. Dorothy tells a story about when she was sexually harassed. Blanche decides to report him. Rose also tells a story about being sexually harassed. Blanche goes to visit the Dean. She tells him about the sexual harassment by the professor. She tells him that she is failing and that he offered to give her an A if she would have sex with him. The Dean tells her that it’s her word against his and there is nothing he can do. Blanche storms into the kitchen, still upset. Rose tells her that she won four tickets to the Sinatra concert. Blanche tries to tell her what happened as Dorothy runs in excited that she got 3 tickets. Blanche tries again to tell what happened in the Dean’s office. But Rose starts trying to tell the ticket story. Blanche cuts her off and gives a short version. Before Blanche can tell tell her story, Sophia comes in with third row tickets. They’ve not got 10 tickets. Blanche storms out upset. She’s decided she’s going to study her butt off to pass that test. It’s the night of the test and Blanche is the last student left. The professor gives her the offer one last time. She refuses, but thanks him for motivating her into studying hard enough that she could pass. After telling him off she storms out. Back at the house, the other three finally come home. They didn’t get home til after 2am. They got arrested scalping the tickets to an undercover police officer. No one got to see the concert. Blanche brings up her test. She tells them she told the professor off.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep06 – Obscene Call

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 6
Title: Obscene Call
Original Air Date: November 10, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: You trust a total stranger and you won’t even tell your mother in law the price of the toilet paper.

* Mama: May I suggest you start getting friendly with my groceries.

* Naomi: Would it kill you to show me a little kindness one time?
Mama: Missy, you used up your one time they day I let you in the door.

* Vint: An obscene phone call. How do you know?
Naomi: Trust me.

* Mama: I don’t allow no weirdos on the phone unless its family.

* Mama: We’re not gonna let some pervert cut us off from the outside world.

* Naomi: Recognize his voice? I don’t even recognize half the words he uses.

* Mama: Good Lord, if that blouse was any lower it would be a skirt.

* Naomi: That’s just the way I move.
Mama: Well, it’s the way most people Rumba.


Synopsis: Naomi is checking groceries at the Food Circus. Mam is waiting in her line and getting annoyed. Naomi keeps helping everyone else except Mama. Back at the house, Fran is reading the paper. Vint and Naomi come in and announce Naomi won the friendliest checker award. The whole family celebrates. The phone starts ringing and finally Naomi answers it. However, the person on the other end says some very obscene things to her. She hangs up, but it rings again. Everyone keeps asking what the caller said. Naomi tells a clean version of it and everyone is horrified. The phone rings again and they all stare at it. Vint answers it but the person asks for Naomi and then he hands her the phone. It’s the obscene caller again. Mama decides that she’s gonna deal with the pervert herself. However, the next call that comes in is actually Naomi’s boss. After he calls the obscene caller is back. Mama calls the police and gets told to change her phone number. Mama turns on Naomi and blames the harassment on her. Fran gangs up on her too. Naomi turns to Vint for support, but he doesn’t provide any. Naomi blows up and stops talking to the whole family. The next day, Vint is sleeping on the couch. While she tries to cheer up Vint the phone rings. The caller asks for Naomi and when Thelma tells her she not there he gets obscene with Thelma, Fran and Vint. Now they have some sympathy for Naomi. Mama says they all need to apologize to Fran and they all head for the Food Circus. Naomi is not interested in talking to them. She freaks out on several customers. The three pick out an item each to buy. They attempt to apologize while making their purchases. She finally accepts their apologies. They all head back home and the phone is ringing as they enter. Thelma answers it and gives him a taste of his own medicine.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep19 – Second Motherhood

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 19
Title: Second Motherhood
Original Air Date: February 18, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: Great, my unmarried daughter wants to spend her weekend with a toilet.

* Dorothy: Come on, Blanche, even the paper boy knows where you’ll end up.

* Dorothy: Great Rose, call the Tidy Bowl man. He’ll jump in his boat and spread the news.

* Rose: You sure know your way around a snake.
Dorothy: I’ve had a lot of experience. After all, I was married to one for 38 years.

* Blanche: How can I say no to the man I love? I can’t even say no to men I like.

* Sophia: You’re making a big mistake. The man might be a moron but he knows how to fix a toilet.

* Sophia: Knock it off. It’s water not oil.


Synopsis: The ladies are looking for a plumber. Rose looks at the bid and thinks they are getting ripped off. She’s got experience with plumbing. Dorothy and Rose decide to fix the toilet themselves. Blanche joins them in the kitchen and the ladies discuss her current boyfriend. She’s worried that he thinks she’s only dating him for his money. Their date that night takes place on his plane. She’s a basket case on the plane. Back at the house, Rose is tapping the bathroom wall looking for a pipe. Dorothy comes in to find out why she is doing it because she woke her up. Blanche comes in and tells them about her date. Richard wants to introduce her to his family. Sophia comes in and kicks them out as she actually needs to use the bathroom. It’s Saturday night, and the two plumbers are excited about the new toilet being delivered. The plumber thinks they are nuts to install it themselves. He leaves the toilet in the living room. Dorothy and Rose are not able to move the toilet themselves. Rose sits on it to think just as Blanche brings Richard to meet them. She shows the two her engagement ring. But she can’t marry him. The girls are confused. It turns out that he has two young children. She is upset and going to have to tell him know. They all head into the kitchen. Neither Dorothy nor Rose can help her decide. Both tell stories about their kids. Sophia bursts into the kitchen excited about the toilet in front of the tv. Later, the two are working in the bathroom. Dorothy explodes with frustration. A mishap takes place as Sophia walks in with a plumber. They throw him out and Dorothy slams the door in his face. Blanche returns from her date but it was just the kids. She’s still on the fence about marrying Richard. She’s worried about the kids because they don’t get to see their father enough. Blanche doesn’t want him to marry her just to get a mother for his kids. That night, Blanche is on the plane again with Richard. She discusses with him where she stands right now and tells them that his kids should be the most important thing in his life. But she tells him she can’t marry him and gives him the ring back. She goes to leave but then remembers that she’s on a plane and they both laugh. The pair are back in the bathroom and have finally finished it. Blanche comes in to congratulate them on their success. Sophia comes in too. They then demonstrate everything works for her and she is not impressed.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep18 – The Operation

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 18
Title: The Operation
Original Air Date: February 8, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: You drink out of a paper bag in the park and suddenly everybody is your friend.

* Sophia: I won’t dance, don’t ask me.

* Sophia: A mother knows when her child is lying, it’s like bat radar.

* Dorothy: You win, you always win but you don’t play fair.
Sophia: That’s why I always win.

* Dorothy: Rose, do a big ugly man with a limp a favor and shut up.

* Dorothy: You’re not serious.
Sophia: No, I’m just acting as stupid as you are.

* Dorothy: More men have seen my bottom today than in my entire life.

* Blanche: I think I caught what Dorothy has. My foot hurts.

* Rose: If you end up in a puddle tonight you better break into Singing In The Rain.


Synopsis: Blanche and Rose bring Dorothy home, limping. She has injured herself tap dancing. Dorothy brushes it off as no big deal. They head into the kitchen for a snack. Dorothy’s foot continues to cause her pain. Blanche tells her to do a Cincinnati Time step and when she does she exclaims in pain. The next day Blanche and Rose practice while Dorothy is at the doctor. When she comes home she lies and tells them she is fine. Sophia tells her she is lying and forces her to tell the truth. She has a small tumor in her foot that needs to be removed. It can be removed, but she does not want to do it. She has a panic attack. Sophia guilts her into having surgery. Dorothy checks in to the hospital the night before the surgery but the girls don’t calm her fears and she tries to leave. After the girls leave a doctor comes in and tells her that he will be doing her surgery because the scheduled doctor is going to be in court. Later that evening a Priest arrives. He starts giving Dorothy her last rites. He’s in the wrong room and doesn’t help her fears. Back at the house Blanche is getting ready to go out. She sees Dorothy walk by. Rose runs in telling Blanche to call the police. They try to get her to go back to the hospital. Sophia comes in and Dorothy keeps trying to not go back. So she tells about being left alone at 5 years old in the hospital. She continues to say no, so Sophia tells her she will remove the tumor. Dorothy agrees to go back to the hospital. She has a roommate now who has to have surgery as well. After she tells Dorothy her story, Dorothy is singing a whole different tune. Back at the house, Rose is trying to get Blanche to go to the recital. Blanche tells Rose that she is afraid to perform in front of groups. She then tells her an embarrassing story from her childhood. Rose, however, is not taking it. She makes her go. Dorothy wakes up to find her mom asleep in the chair next to her. Blanche and Rose come to visit Dorothy. The two had to change up their act. They perform their routine for Dorothy and Sophia. She’s impressed but pissed. She puts her arm through Rose’s hat.

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