The Golden Girls S01, Ep23 – Blind Ambitions

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 23
Title: Blind Ambitions
Original Air Date: March 29, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: Do you know what they call cooking meat over an open fire in Sicely?
Dorothy: No, what?
Sophia: Poverty.

* Blanche: The point is guilt is a very bad thing. Story over.

* Sophia: I only have one question: now that I’m better why do you still scream and holler at me?

* Sophia: You want to help your sister? Help her to help herself.

* Blanche: The King is gone Dorothy but we must cherish the things he left behind: his movies, his songs..
Dorothy: And his seasonings.

* Dorothy: What’s the use of having a garage sale if we can’t part with anything?

* Dorothy: Come on now, get out of here. You’ve come back more times than Shirley MacLaine.


Synopsis: The girls are having a barbeque on the lanai. Rose’s sister Lily is visiting them. Blanche tells a story about barbeques when she was younger. Rose and Lily share a camping story. They talk about tv shows and garage sales. They all decide to have a garage sale to raise the money for a new television. Later that night, they are going through stuff in the living room. Everything is everywhere. Lily decides to put some candlesticks on a table and all the girls have to rush to move everything out of her way when she heads to her room for a sweater. The next day in the kitchen, Lily is making bacon and it catches on fire. She screams for help and everyone comes rushing. Rose puts out the fire. The girls discuss Lily’s situation. Rose finds Lily in her room holding a dress. Rose tries to convince her to get help. Lily shows her the dress and tells her it’s her favorite because it’s the only one she can clearly remember. Lily asks Rose to come and live with her. Later, the girls are in the kitchen. They try to dissuade her from moving to Chicago. Blanche tells a story about working in a factory. We learn of another of her boyfriends. Sophia joins them and tells Rose moving in with Lily is a bad idea. Sophia tells them that Dorothy forced her to rebuild her life because she knew she could. Rose is still on the fence. Sophia tells her to help her sister help herself. It’s the day of the garage sale. Everyone is trying to haggle down prices and Sophia is not having it. Nothing is selling, they can’t part with the memories attached to the items. They decide to call off the garage sale. Dorothy comes up with an idea. They put a down payment on a new tv and pay the rest off on time. Lily comes out and asks Rose to help her to the couch. But she starts asking Rose to do everything for her. Rose takes a stand and tells her that she needs professional help to get on with her life. She won’t go back to Chicago with her. Lily storms off upset. Two months later, Rose heads to Chicago to visit her sister. She keeps leaving and coming back. She finally leaves. Rose lands and gets directions for the baggage claim. Lily surprised her by meeting her at the airport. She now has a service dog. She apologizes to Rose for her behavior. Lily wanted Rose to see that she was right.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep09 – Amateur Night

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 9
Title: Amateur Night
Original Air Date: December 8, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: I don’t know why I let you talk me into this place. This is where flies come to die.

* Mama: Vint will you eat that chili before something obscene happens?

* Mama: Will you take that squeezebox and scram?

* Fran: Naomi I fear you may have created a monster.
Mama: Which makes you the bride of Frankenstein.

* Vint: Can you dig it?
Mama: I’d like to bury it.

* Naomi: Vinny Vegas? Does that mean I’m Naomi Vegas?

* Fran: If he wants to make a fool of himself that’s his privelge and birthright as a Harper.

* Mama: You’re asking for a second rope and you’re gonna hang yourself.


Synopsis: The family is at the Bigger Jigger to cheer Vint up. He didn’t get a promotion at Quick Keys. The Jigger is having a talent competition that night. The winner gets $100. Naomi wants him to enter with his Fred Astaire impersonation. The competition starts with a guy who makes faces. As others go up and perform, Vint starts to get nervous. Fran starts getting worried too. Naomi has to give him a giant pep talk to get him to go on. He puts on a spectacular show. He wins the competition. At the house Fran is practicing for their next performance. Vint comes home in a very flashy outfit. He’s changed up his whole act. He insults and upsets Fran. He gets a big head and makes everyone, including Naomi, mad. They all decide to not go but when they start to worry he’ll fail they race to rescue him. Mama tries to talk him out of humiliating himself. She corners him in the men’s room. Naomi and Fran follow them in. Mama tells Vint a story from her childhood. They have a moment but when they try to leave one of the men pulls off the door knob, trapping them. Everyone, finally gets home. Naomi and Vint head to their basement. Fran and Thelma sit on the couch. Fran wants to know what the men’s room was really like.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep 22 – Job Hunting

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 22
Title: Job Hunting
Original Air Date: March 9, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: That’s great. If she learned to catch a frisbee in her teeth she can find work as a Golden Retriever.

* Dorothy: Nice to meet you Milton. I live her, you don’t.

* Sophia: If you have to go out tomorrow ask those crybabies not to call during The Young and the Restless.

* Rose: Why, oh, why can’t grief take a holiday?

* Blanche: I already lost one pound.
Sophia: In your dreams.

* Sophia: He’s a man. It’s not like sharing a yogurt.

Synopsis: Blanche is singing in the kitchen. Sophia comes in and is upset because there is no pepperoni. Dorothy comes in and she’s in a fabulous mood. But Rose comes in with bad news. Her counseling center has closed and she doesn’t have a job anymore. They all try to console her. But she only seems to care about the misplaced patients. It’s another day and Dorothy finds a complete stranger on the lanai. Rose comes out. Dorothy thinks it’s Rose’s boyfriend. It turns out to be a patient from the center. Rose tells Dorothy she hasn’t even started looking for work. Dorothy gets a message that Barry Glick is in town. She had the hots for him in school. Late that night, Dorothy wakes Rose for a phone call. Now the whole house is awake. They all discuss Rose and her situation. They try and intervention. However, Rose tells them the truth. She’s had lots of interviews but no one has been willing to hire her. Dorothy and Blanche go to her room and try to comfort her. Dorothy punches up her resume. Rose feels better and they all go to the kitchen. They have a feast. While they feast they talk about their love life until the morning. It’s another day and Milton is making a pass at Blanche. They make a date. Dorothy is excited about going on a second date with Barry Glick. However, it turns out that Barry is gay. Rose comes home. She got a new job as a waitress. Blanche and Dorothy are shocked, but they finally support her.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep08 – Gert Rides Again

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 8
Title: Gert Rides Again
Original Air Date: December 1, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: Well hurry it up. King Tut didn’t have that much wrapping on him.

* Mama: When you get old and do the same things as when you were young people think you’ve gone bonkers.

* Mama: If wrapping one present gets you this turned on Christmas around here should be a real barn burner.

* Mama: If she was any calmer she’d be a doily.

* Mama: Gertie how can you be old when you’re still getting offers like that?

* Mama: You are as young as you feel and right now I feel like a beer.

* Mama: Why do you talk like that? This isn’t Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.

* Vint: Hey Skeeter, why don’t we play post office anymore?
Mama: You two have graduated to Federal Express.


Synopsis: Vint and Noami are necking on the couch. Mama comes out disgusted. Fran comes running down the stairs with a gift too. They all talk about Aunt Gert. The gifts are all for her birthday. Mama tells a story from when she and Gert were younger. Mama leaves and the two start necking again. When Mama arrives to visit Gert she is shocked. She doesn’t want to open her present because she is bored to death. The nurse comes in and annoys Thelma. The nurse tells Thelma about the birthday party. One of the male residents pops in and proposes some hanky panky with Gert. Back at the house, Mama is sad at Gert’s state. Fran, Vint and Naomi try to comfort her. Thelma goes to visit her again on her birthday and she still hasn’t opened her gift. Thelma tries to kick her into gear. She brushes her hair and makes her get dressed. She finally gets Gert to act like herself again. Downstairs at the party, everyone is getting restless. Gert and Thelma arrive at the party. Out comes the cake and everyone sings Happy Birthday. Next they have to play musical chairs. Thelma gets annoyed by the nurse again and goes after her. Thelma gets someone to play the piano and starts a Conga line. At Mama’s house, the doorbell is ringing. She opens it and finds Gert at the door. She tells them they partied all night long. Fran comes down and is shocked to see Gert. Vint and Naomi come in too. Gert tells them all about the party. Gert announces that she and Alvin are looking for an apartment.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep21 – The Flu

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode:
Title: The Flu
Original Air Date: March 1, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: Blanche Deveraux can’t find a date?
Blanche: Oh don’t be ridiculous.

* Blanche: I haven’t had to disappoint so many men since Daddy tore down the treehouse.

* Blanche: I treat my body like a temple.
Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.

* Blanche: I feel hot.
Dorothy: I feel cold.
Rose: I feel guilty. This is all my fault.

* Blanche: Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

* Rose: You have done some good work Dorothy, but not enough people like you. Sorry.


Synopsis: Sophia is altering Dorothy’s dress for a banquet. Blanche comes in and announces she bought the dress she’d been eyeing. Blanche and Sophia are still dateless. Rose enters the kitchen looking for aspirin. She is coming down with something and Dorothy freaks out. Rose tries to calm them down. Several days later, the three are all on the couch and they are very sick. Sophia comes in and tells them she got turned down for a date. The doorbell rings and it’s the doctor. She determines that they all have the flu and it’s going to last at least a week. After the doctor leaves, Sophia tells a story about ear salve that turns into pesto sauce. Three days later, Blanche and Dorothy fight over Blanche’s heating pad. Rose comes out with a hot toddy. Rose then tells a St. Olaf story. Her hot toddy is keeping her cheerful, but it should have an octane rating. Rose is pretty drunk. Blanche gets up to turn on her soap opera and Dorothy protests. The three start fighting. The next day, Dorothy is in the kitchen. Rose comes in and asks about orange juice and Dorothy takes it all. Blanche comes in upset about her Vicks Vaporub. Rose was upset about her NyQuil being missing but Dorothy took it. They start taking shots at each other and Rose starts crying. Everyone apologizes. They have a group hug. Sophia comes in and gives them the news that when she cancelled for them the organizer was disappointed. Sophia thinks one of them won the big award. They all decide to go to the banquet now. At the banquet, the ladies are still sick. Blanche shows up without a date, while the others have one. The trio get competitive. Sophia shows up with her date, a much, much younger man. Blanche manages to produce a date, but it turns out she snagged a waiter. She admits her date backed out because of how she looked. It’s now time for the big award. The three start fighting again over who is going to win. The winner is Sophia. Her speech makes the ladies feel guilty for fighting with each other and they make up. They make a toast to friendship and sneeze in unison.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep07 – Ellen’s Boyfriend

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 7
Title: Ellen’s Boyfriend
Original Air Date: November 17, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: Sassiness does not sit well on a young face Missy.

* Mama: These slides are boring my bunions off too.

* Mama: Presbyterian, huh? Well they run a good bingo.

* Mama: I hope this things in English. I hate it when you have to guess what you’re eating.

* Mama: I hope you two old bags live happily ever after.

* Mama: What was she thinking? I’ve got wrinkles that are older than that boy.

* Mama: If I give it enough time he won’t be too young for you.

* Mama: Lord, how did I ever raise such a pack of sex maniacs?


Synopsis: Mama is trying to set up a projector screen. Buzz and Sonja try to sneak out but Mama catches them. Fran doesn’t want to watch the slides either. Everyone is up in arms over watching the slides. Ellen pops in and tells them she’s not staying. The kids make a run for it. Ellen is going to a lonely-hearts club. Before she leaves, Vint gives her some spare keys for her new locks. Mama decides they are still going to watch the slides. Later, Ellen get dropped off at Mama’s by Glenn. He wants to meet her family. He’s taking her to dinner at Chez Ray. However, it turns out Mama is home. When she walks in Mama wants Ellen to take her to the dentist. Mama wants to meet the man, but Ellen runs out. Vint finally gets off the phone and tells Mama he won. They are all going to Chez Ray tonight. Ellen and Glenn are at the restaurant. He leaves the table as Mama and family walk in. Fran spots Ellen. They all decide to join her. Ellen tells Mama that Glenn brought her there. Ellen introduces everyone to Glenn. Fran notices the bag that Ellen is using and flips her lid. They all make a big scene. The manager tries to calm it down. Ellen has a meltdown. At the house, Mama is cleaning like a mad woman. Fran tries to calm her down. She goes on about the bag and Mama gives it to her. Ellen comes in and the two get into a fight. Ellen realizes that Mama is jealous. They make up. Ellen rushes off to go be with Glenn.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep20 – Adult Education

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 20
Title: Adult Education
Original Air Date: February 22, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: Ma, are you ok?
Sophia: I’m fine. I’m just trying to make Rose go away.

* Dorothy: Rose, one is testing. Fourteen is brunch.
Rose: Good Lord, I’m a criminal.

* Sophia: I hate Jello. If God wanted peaches suspended in midair, he would have filled them with helium.

* Blanche: He said the only way I’d get an A on my final is if I sleep with him.

* Rose: You’ll be so much happier if you use your brains instead of your body.

* Blanche: The talent to drive men crazy with a body that many said should have come with a warning label.

* Rose: To this day, every time I pass an ice cream parlor or a tackle shop, I blush.

* Dorothy: Take a lesson Rose. That’s how you tell a story.

* Blanche: You, sir, can kiss my A.

* Blanche: One day her butt will turn to mush, but I’ll always have my degree.


Synopsis: Sophia is ready to get her hair done, but Dorothy is on the phone trying to get tickets to the Frank Sinatra concert. Blanche joins them in the kitchen very upset. She failed her midterm exam. Dorothy finds out the concert is sold out and she becomes very upset. Sophia says she’ll get tickets. Later that night, Rose is helping Blanche study for her class. Dorothy comes home, she still has no tickets. Dorothy has decided to buy tickets for Sinatra from a scalper. But Blanche has her test that night so she can’t go. Blanche is still upset over her class and tries to go to a bar to cheer herself up. Rose and Dorothy don’t let her. She throws a tantrum. Dorothy tells her about her speech impediment as a kid to cheer her up. The teacher who helped her inspired her to become a teacher. Blanche decides to speak to her teacher. After class, she approaches him for help. However, inside of helping her he propositions her in exchange for an A. Back at the house, Rose made jello for Sophia. She’s not amused and gets grumpy with Rose. Dorothy comes home and instantly Sophia asks if she got tickets. She didn’t and she’s upset. Blanche comes in and tells them what happened. Dorothy informs her that what he did is sexual harassment. Dorothy volunteers to help her so she’ll pass the class. Dorothy tells a story about when she was sexually harassed. Blanche decides to report him. Rose also tells a story about being sexually harassed. Blanche goes to visit the Dean. She tells him about the sexual harassment by the professor. She tells him that she is failing and that he offered to give her an A if she would have sex with him. The Dean tells her that it’s her word against his and there is nothing he can do. Blanche storms into the kitchen, still upset. Rose tells her that she won four tickets to the Sinatra concert. Blanche tries to tell her what happened as Dorothy runs in excited that she got 3 tickets. Blanche tries again to tell what happened in the Dean’s office. But Rose starts trying to tell the ticket story. Blanche cuts her off and gives a short version. Before Blanche can tell tell her story, Sophia comes in with third row tickets. They’ve not got 10 tickets. Blanche storms out upset. She’s decided she’s going to study her butt off to pass that test. It’s the night of the test and Blanche is the last student left. The professor gives her the offer one last time. She refuses, but thanks him for motivating her into studying hard enough that she could pass. After telling him off she storms out. Back at the house, the other three finally come home. They didn’t get home til after 2am. They got arrested scalping the tickets to an undercover police officer. No one got to see the concert. Blanche brings up her test. She tells them she told the professor off.

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