Mama’s Family S02, Ep11 – Mama Learns to Drive

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 11
Title: Mama Learns to Drive
Original Air Date: January 7, 1984


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: That wife of yours is dead meat!

* Mama: If the good Lord intended me to drive he’d have given me bigger bumpers.

* Mama: Hold on to your tatas Frannie, here we go.

* Ellen: I would thank you not to refer to my mother as an old dog just because tricks don’t come as easily to her as they do to you.

* Mama: I’m gonna die trying to do this, but at least they’ll have a pretty new hat to bury me in.


Synopsis: Vint complains about the bus strike going on for three days. Ellen comes in the kitchen looking for Thelma. She’s left for the mall with Naomi. Minutes later Mama bursts in yelling. Naomi follows and the two begin fighting. Fran stops the fight. Mama still wants her hat so she tries to get everyone to take her to the mall. Everyone tells Mama that she needs to learn to drive herself around. Vint decides to teach her. He gives her a lecture on keys. The next morning, Mama is making cookies when Buzz and Sonya come in to help her study for her driver’s test. She gets mad and storms off. That afternoon Fran tiptoes out of the kitchen with car keys. Thelma wants to go with her to the mall but she holds firm on not taking her. Fran relents but makes Thelma drive. She doesn’t want to so Fran threatens to go to the mall and buy the hat Thelma wants for herself. They have a fight. She finally gets the car moving but the windshield wipers go off. She pulls away from the curb and nearly crashes into an oncoming car. In frustration she gets out of the car and walks off. Back at the house she tells the harrowing story. Naomi and Ellen get into it. Ellen decides to teach her how to drive. Upon returning Ellen is pissed. She has crashed Ellen’s car. They get in a fight and Ellen storms out. Meanwhile, the phone rings. It’s Neidermeyers, someone else wants the hat that Thelma has on hold. She has to pick it up by noon. Thelma decides to take Fran’s car and drive to the mall to get her hat. She says a prayer. She is at DMV to get her license. It’s taking all day long. She finally gets her picture taken. She and the DMV employee get into a fight and she threatens him. At the house, everyone is freaking out. Mama walks in the door and everyone rushes her. Mama tells them she got her driver’s license.

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The Golden Girls S01, Ep24 – Big Daddy

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 24
Title: Big Daddy
Original Air Date: May 3, 1986


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iTunes The Golden Girls, Season 1 – The Golden Girls


Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: I can’t believe I know anyone who calls her father Big Daddy.

* Sophia: You need boots to listen to this guy.

* Rose: This is so much fun it’s like being in Gone With The Wind.

* Blanche: I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical explanation for why my daddy’s lost the stuffing out of his comforter.


Synopsis: Sophia asks Dorothy to taste something that’s expired. She tells Dorothy that Rose tried to get in her room last night. As they go back in the living room, Rose tries to explain and Sophia cuts her off. Blanche rushes in and tells everyone that her father is coming to visit. After going off into several stories, Dorothy cuts her off. Blanche leaves and Rose heads out to the lanai. Rose screams when she finds a tree downed in the lanai. Her neighbor comes over and tries to deny it’s his tree. He insults Sophia and she curses him. The next day Dorothy arrives home with a property map showing their neighbor owns the tree. Blanche comes out wearing a dress like she did for her Sweet 16. She wants everyone to be on their best behavior. The doorbell rings and it’s their neighbor, he’s furious. He leaves and the doorbell rings again. Dorothy thinks it’s the neighbor but it’s actually Big Daddy. He lays it on thick with all of them. He takes his leave to take care of some things. Before he leaves he tells her he is singing tomorrow night. Blanche is concerned. Her father comes home late that night. He then performs for Blanche, but he’s horrible. She is horrified. He tells her that he’s doing this as a career and sold the family home. They have a big fight that brings everyone from their rooms. Her father storms off. The three discuss what’s happened. They go in the kitchen and share some memories. The next evening they get ready to go to Big Daddy’s show as the neighbor storms over. He’s giving up. His wife stays behind and tells them she did everything to him. They three arrive at Big Daddy’s show but they learn that his show has been cancelled. Blanche finds her father back stage and talks to him. He tells her the story of how he met her mother. They make up and hug.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep10 – The Mama Who Came To Dinner

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 10
Title: The Mama Who Came to Dinner
Original Air Date: December 22, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Naomi: I am not jealous. And I will thank you to keep your nose out of my nose.

* Thelma: Didn’t you two get enough of the usual last night?

* Thelma: Well don’t just stand there, your company is here. Open the door and let the good times roll.

* Thelma: Why should your fun be ruined by my agony?

* Thelma: What I get is that you’re making fun of someone in pain.

* Naomi: Let me cut it in half for you, Ms. Harper. I certainly wouldn’t want you to choke.


Synopsis: Fran and Thelma are at the table working on her stamps. She wants a very nice heating pad. Vint and Naomi return home from their dinner party. Naomi is not happy about it. Fran suggests they have one there and Thelma cook for it. No one agrees on any of it. After some fighting and egging on, Thelma agrees to let them have a dinner party at her house. It’s now the day of the dinner party and Naomi is grating on Thelma’s nerves. Vint’s kids aren’t excited about going to the movies with Thelma. But as she is getting ready to leave she bends over to pick up some magazines and has a back spasm. She’s now laid out flat on the floor on her back. Fran and the kids leave her there and go to the movies. Naomi’s guests see Thelma and are surprised. She ruins the appetizers. She starts telling depressing stories about people who have died and other creepy medical stories. They wind up feeding her and the evening goes downhill even faster. Thelma then starts telling stories about the things Naomi has said behind everyone’s back. All the guests leave after a little over an hour. Vint is beyond furious. Naomi is acting as if nothing was wrong. She grabs the tablecloth and then puts the tv trays over Thelma and throws the tablecloth over it. She even turns out the lights and exits the room. Thelma keeps calling for Naomi as all the beer she drank is starting to get to her. She starts screaming for help.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep23 – Blind Ambitions

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 23
Title: Blind Ambitions
Original Air Date: March 29, 1986


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Amazon The Golden Girls: Season 1

iTunes The Golden Girls, Season 1 – The Golden Girls


Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: Do you know what they call cooking meat over an open fire in Sicely?
Dorothy: No, what?
Sophia: Poverty.

* Blanche: The point is guilt is a very bad thing. Story over.

* Sophia: I only have one question: now that I’m better why do you still scream and holler at me?

* Sophia: You want to help your sister? Help her to help herself.

* Blanche: The King is gone Dorothy but we must cherish the things he left behind: his movies, his songs..
Dorothy: And his seasonings.

* Dorothy: What’s the use of having a garage sale if we can’t part with anything?

* Dorothy: Come on now, get out of here. You’ve come back more times than Shirley MacLaine.


Synopsis: The girls are having a barbeque on the lanai. Rose’s sister Lily is visiting them. Blanche tells a story about barbeques when she was younger. Rose and Lily share a camping story. They talk about tv shows and garage sales. They all decide to have a garage sale to raise the money for a new television. Later that night, they are going through stuff in the living room. Everything is everywhere. Lily decides to put some candlesticks on a table and all the girls have to rush to move everything out of her way when she heads to her room for a sweater. The next day in the kitchen, Lily is making bacon and it catches on fire. She screams for help and everyone comes rushing. Rose puts out the fire. The girls discuss Lily’s situation. Rose finds Lily in her room holding a dress. Rose tries to convince her to get help. Lily shows her the dress and tells her it’s her favorite because it’s the only one she can clearly remember. Lily asks Rose to come and live with her. Later, the girls are in the kitchen. They try to dissuade her from moving to Chicago. Blanche tells a story about working in a factory. We learn of another of her boyfriends. Sophia joins them and tells Rose moving in with Lily is a bad idea. Sophia tells them that Dorothy forced her to rebuild her life because she knew she could. Rose is still on the fence. Sophia tells her to help her sister help herself. It’s the day of the garage sale. Everyone is trying to haggle down prices and Sophia is not having it. Nothing is selling, they can’t part with the memories attached to the items. They decide to call off the garage sale. Dorothy comes up with an idea. They put a down payment on a new tv and pay the rest off on time. Lily comes out and asks Rose to help her to the couch. But she starts asking Rose to do everything for her. Rose takes a stand and tells her that she needs professional help to get on with her life. She won’t go back to Chicago with her. Lily storms off upset. Two months later, Rose heads to Chicago to visit her sister. She keeps leaving and coming back. She finally leaves. Rose lands and gets directions for the baggage claim. Lily surprised her by meeting her at the airport. She now has a service dog. She apologizes to Rose for her behavior. Lily wanted Rose to see that she was right.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep09 – Amateur Night

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 9
Title: Amateur Night
Original Air Date: December 8, 1983


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iTunes not available at this time


Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: I don’t know why I let you talk me into this place. This is where flies come to die.

* Mama: Vint will you eat that chili before something obscene happens?

* Mama: Will you take that squeezebox and scram?

* Fran: Naomi I fear you may have created a monster.
Mama: Which makes you the bride of Frankenstein.

* Vint: Can you dig it?
Mama: I’d like to bury it.

* Naomi: Vinny Vegas? Does that mean I’m Naomi Vegas?

* Fran: If he wants to make a fool of himself that’s his privelge and birthright as a Harper.

* Mama: You’re asking for a second rope and you’re gonna hang yourself.


Synopsis: The family is at the Bigger Jigger to cheer Vint up. He didn’t get a promotion at Quick Keys. The Jigger is having a talent competition that night. The winner gets $100. Naomi wants him to enter with his Fred Astaire impersonation. The competition starts with a guy who makes faces. As others go up and perform, Vint starts to get nervous. Fran starts getting worried too. Naomi has to give him a giant pep talk to get him to go on. He puts on a spectacular show. He wins the competition. At the house Fran is practicing for their next performance. Vint comes home in a very flashy outfit. He’s changed up his whole act. He insults and upsets Fran. He gets a big head and makes everyone, including Naomi, mad. They all decide to not go but when they start to worry he’ll fail they race to rescue him. Mama tries to talk him out of humiliating himself. She corners him in the men’s room. Naomi and Fran follow them in. Mama tells Vint a story from her childhood. They have a moment but when they try to leave one of the men pulls off the door knob, trapping them. Everyone, finally gets home. Naomi and Vint head to their basement. Fran and Thelma sit on the couch. Fran wants to know what the men’s room was really like.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep 22 – Job Hunting

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 22
Title: Job Hunting
Original Air Date: March 9, 1986


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Amazon The Golden Girls: Season 1

iTunes The Golden Girls, Season 1 – The Golden Girls


Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: That’s great. If she learned to catch a frisbee in her teeth she can find work as a Golden Retriever.

* Dorothy: Nice to meet you Milton. I live here, you don’t.

* Sophia: If you have to go out tomorrow ask those crybabies not to call during The Young and the Restless.

* Rose: Why, oh, why can’t grief take a holiday?

* Blanche: I already lost one pound.
Sophia: In your dreams.

* Sophia: He’s a man. It’s not like sharing a yogurt.

Synopsis: Blanche is singing in the kitchen. Sophia comes in and is upset because there is no pepperoni. Dorothy comes in and she’s in a fabulous mood. But Rose comes in with bad news. Her counseling center has closed and she doesn’t have a job anymore. They all try to console her. But she only seems to care about the misplaced patients. It’s another day and Dorothy finds a complete stranger on the lanai. Rose comes out. Dorothy thinks it’s Rose’s boyfriend. It turns out to be a patient from the center. Rose tells Dorothy she hasn’t even started looking for work. Dorothy gets a message that Barry Glick is in town. She had the hots for him in school. Late that night, Dorothy wakes Rose for a phone call. Now the whole house is awake. They all discuss Rose and her situation. They try and intervention. However, Rose tells them the truth. She’s had lots of interviews but no one has been willing to hire her. Dorothy and Blanche go to her room and try to comfort her. Dorothy punches up her resume. Rose feels better and they all go to the kitchen. They have a feast. While they feast they talk about their love life until the morning. It’s another day and Milton is making a pass at Blanche. They make a date. Dorothy is excited about going on a second date with Barry Glick. However, it turns out that Barry is gay. Rose comes home. She got a new job as a waitress. Blanche and Dorothy are shocked, but they finally support her.

Mama’s Family S02, Ep08 – Gert Rides Again

Show: Mama’s Family
Season: 2
Episode: 8
Title: Gert Rides Again
Original Air Date: December 1, 1983


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Favorite Quotes:

* Mama: Well hurry it up. King Tut didn’t have that much wrapping on him.

* Mama: When you get old and do the same things as when you were young people think you’ve gone bonkers.

* Mama: If wrapping one present gets you this turned on Christmas around here should be a real barn burner.

* Mama: If she was any calmer she’d be a doily.

* Mama: Gertie how can you be old when you’re still getting offers like that?

* Mama: You are as young as you feel and right now I feel like a beer.

* Mama: Why do you talk like that? This isn’t Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.

* Vint: Hey Skeeter, why don’t we play post office anymore?
Mama: You two have graduated to Federal Express.


Synopsis: Vint and Noami are necking on the couch. Mama comes out disgusted. Fran comes running down the stairs with a gift too. They all talk about Aunt Gert. The gifts are all for her birthday. Mama tells a story from when she and Gert were younger. Mama leaves and the two start necking again. When Mama arrives to visit Gert she is shocked. She doesn’t want to open her present because she is bored to death. The nurse comes in and annoys Thelma. The nurse tells Thelma about the birthday party. One of the male residents pops in and proposes some hanky panky with Gert. Back at the house, Mama is sad at Gert’s state. Fran, Vint and Naomi try to comfort her. Thelma goes to visit her again on her birthday and she still hasn’t opened her gift. Thelma tries to kick her into gear. She brushes her hair and makes her get dressed. She finally gets Gert to act like herself again. Downstairs at the party, everyone is getting restless. Gert and Thelma arrive at the party. Out comes the cake and everyone sings Happy Birthday. Next they have to play musical chairs. Thelma gets annoyed by the nurse again and goes after her. Thelma gets someone to play the piano and starts a Conga line. At Mama’s house, the doorbell is ringing. She opens it and finds Gert at the door. She tells them they partied all night long. Fran comes down and is shocked to see Gert. Vint and Naomi come in too. Gert tells them all about the party. Gert announces that she and Alvin are looking for an apartment.

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