The Golden Girls S01, Ep20 – Adult Education

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 20
Title: Adult Education
Original Air Date: February 22, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: Ma, are you ok?
Sophia: I’m fine. I’m just trying to make Rose go away.

* Dorothy: Rose, one is testing. Fourteen is brunch.
Rose: Good Lord, I’m a criminal.

* Sophia: I hate Jello. If God wanted peaches suspended in midair, he would have filled them with helium.

* Blanche: He said the only way I’d get an A on my final is if I sleep with him.

* Rose: You’ll be so much happier if you use your brains instead of your body.

* Blanche: The talent to drive men crazy with a body that many said should have come with a warning label.

* Rose: To this day, every time I pass an ice cream parlor or a tackle shop, I blush.

* Dorothy: Take a lesson Rose. That’s how you tell a story.

* Blanche: You, sir, can kiss my A.

* Blanche: One day her butt will turn to mush, but I’ll always have my degree.


Synopsis: Sophia is ready to get her hair done, but Dorothy is on the phone trying to get tickets to the Frank Sinatra concert. Blanche joins them in the kitchen very upset. She failed her midterm exam. Dorothy finds out the concert is sold out and she becomes very upset. Sophia says she’ll get tickets. Later that night, Rose is helping Blanche study for her class. Dorothy comes home, she still has no tickets. Dorothy has decided to buy tickets for Sinatra from a scalper. But Blanche has her test that night so she can’t go. Blanche is still upset over her class and tries to go to a bar to cheer herself up. Rose and Dorothy don’t let her. She throws a tantrum. Dorothy tells her about her speech impediment as a kid to cheer her up. The teacher who helped her inspired her to become a teacher. Blanche decides to speak to her teacher. After class, she approaches him for help. However, inside of helping her he propositions her in exchange for an A. Back at the house, Rose made jello for Sophia. She’s not amused and gets grumpy with Rose. Dorothy comes home and instantly Sophia asks if she got tickets. She didn’t and she’s upset. Blanche comes in and tells them what happened. Dorothy informs her that what he did is sexual harassment. Dorothy volunteers to help her so she’ll pass the class. Dorothy tells a story about when she was sexually harassed. Blanche decides to report him. Rose also tells a story about being sexually harassed. Blanche goes to visit the Dean. She tells him about the sexual harassment by the professor. She tells him that she is failing and that he offered to give her an A if she would have sex with him. The Dean tells her that it’s her word against his and there is nothing he can do. Blanche storms into the kitchen, still upset. Rose tells her that she won four tickets to the Sinatra concert. Blanche tries to tell her what happened as Dorothy runs in excited that she got 3 tickets. Blanche tries again to tell what happened in the Dean’s office. But Rose starts trying to tell the ticket story. Blanche cuts her off and gives a short version. Before Blanche can tell tell her story, Sophia comes in with third row tickets. They’ve not got 10 tickets. Blanche storms out upset. She’s decided she’s going to study her butt off to pass that test. It’s the night of the test and Blanche is the last student left. The professor gives her the offer one last time. She refuses, but thanks him for motivating her into studying hard enough that she could pass. After telling him off she storms out. Back at the house, the other three finally come home. They didn’t get home til after 2am. They got arrested scalping the tickets to an undercover police officer. No one got to see the concert. Blanche brings up her test. She tells them she told the professor off.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep19 – Second Motherhood

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 19
Title: Second Motherhood
Original Air Date: February 18, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: Great, my unmarried daughter wants to spend her weekend with a toilet.

* Dorothy: Come on, Blanche, even the paper boy knows where you’ll end up.

* Dorothy: Great Rose, call the Tidy Bowl man. He’ll jump in his boat and spread the news.

* Rose: You sure know your way around a snake.
Dorothy: I’ve had a lot of experience. After all, I was married to one for 38 years.

* Blanche: How can I say no to the man I love? I can’t even say no to men I like.

* Sophia: You’re making a big mistake. The man might be a moron but he knows how to fix a toilet.

* Sophia: Knock it off. It’s water not oil.


Synopsis: The ladies are looking for a plumber. Rose looks at the bid and thinks they are getting ripped off. She’s got experience with plumbing. Dorothy and Rose decide to fix the toilet themselves. Blanche joins them in the kitchen and the ladies discuss her current boyfriend. She’s worried that he thinks she’s only dating him for his money. Their date that night takes place on his plane. She’s a basket case on the plane. Back at the house, Rose is tapping the bathroom wall looking for a pipe. Dorothy comes in to find out why she is doing it because she woke her up. Blanche comes in and tells them about her date. Richard wants to introduce her to his family. Sophia comes in and kicks them out as she actually needs to use the bathroom. It’s Saturday night, and the two plumbers are excited about the new toilet being delivered. The plumber thinks they are nuts to install it themselves. He leaves the toilet in the living room. Dorothy and Rose are not able to move the toilet themselves. Rose sits on it to think just as Blanche brings Richard to meet them. She shows the two her engagement ring. But she can’t marry him. The girls are confused. It turns out that he has two young children. She is upset and going to have to tell him know. They all head into the kitchen. Neither Dorothy nor Rose can help her decide. Both tell stories about their kids. Sophia bursts into the kitchen excited about the toilet in front of the tv. Later, the two are working in the bathroom. Dorothy explodes with frustration. A mishap takes place as Sophia walks in with a plumber. They throw him out and Dorothy slams the door in his face. Blanche returns from her date but it was just the kids. She’s still on the fence about marrying Richard. She’s worried about the kids because they don’t get to see their father enough. Blanche doesn’t want him to marry her just to get a mother for his kids. That night, Blanche is on the plane again with Richard. She discusses with him where she stands right now and tells them that his kids should be the most important thing in his life. But she tells him she can’t marry him and gives him the ring back. She goes to leave but then remembers that she’s on a plane and they both laugh. The pair are back in the bathroom and have finally finished it. Blanche comes in to congratulate them on their success. Sophia comes in too. They then demonstrate everything works for her and she is not impressed.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep18 – The Operation

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 18
Title: The Operation
Original Air Date: February 8, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: You drink out of a paper bag in the park and suddenly everybody is your friend.

* Sophia: I won’t dance, don’t ask me.

* Sophia: A mother knows when her child is lying, it’s like bat radar.

* Dorothy: You win, you always win but you don’t play fair.
Sophia: That’s why I always win.

* Dorothy: Rose, do a big ugly man with a limp a favor and shut up.

* Dorothy: You’re not serious.
Sophia: No, I’m just acting as stupid as you are.

* Dorothy: More men have seen my bottom today than in my entire life.

* Blanche: I think I caught what Dorothy has. My foot hurts.

* Rose: If you end up in a puddle tonight you better break into Singing In The Rain.


Synopsis: Blanche and Rose bring Dorothy home, limping. She has injured herself tap dancing. Dorothy brushes it off as no big deal. They head into the kitchen for a snack. Dorothy’s foot continues to cause her pain. Blanche tells her to do a Cincinnati Time step and when she does she exclaims in pain. The next day Blanche and Rose practice while Dorothy is at the doctor. When she comes home she lies and tells them she is fine. Sophia tells her she is lying and forces her to tell the truth. She has a small tumor in her foot that needs to be removed. It can be removed, but she does not want to do it. She has a panic attack. Sophia guilts her into having surgery. Dorothy checks in to the hospital the night before the surgery but the girls don’t calm her fears and she tries to leave. After the girls leave a doctor comes in and tells her that he will be doing her surgery because the scheduled doctor is going to be in court. Later that evening a Priest arrives. He starts giving Dorothy her last rites. He’s in the wrong room and doesn’t help her fears. Back at the house Blanche is getting ready to go out. She sees Dorothy walk by. Rose runs in telling Blanche to call the police. They try to get her to go back to the hospital. Sophia comes in and Dorothy keeps trying to not go back. So she tells about being left alone at 5 years old in the hospital. She continues to say no, so Sophia tells her she will remove the tumor. Dorothy agrees to go back to the hospital. She has a roommate now who has to have surgery as well. After she tells Dorothy her story, Dorothy is singing a whole different tune. Back at the house, Rose is trying to get Blanche to go to the recital. Blanche tells Rose that she is afraid to perform in front of groups. She then tells her an embarrassing story from her childhood. Rose, however, is not taking it. She makes her go. Dorothy wakes up to find her mom asleep in the chair next to her. Blanche and Rose come to visit Dorothy. The two had to change up their act. They perform their routine for Dorothy and Sophia. She’s impressed but pissed. She puts her arm through Rose’s hat.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep17 – Nice and Easy

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 17
Title: Nice and Easy
Original Air Date: February 1, 1986

Favorite Quotes:

* Blanche: All right, you all please, no more rat talk.

* Dorothy: At 30,000 feet, she picks up a doctor, now I see the resemblance.

* Dorothy: Rose, do you have any idea how weird you are?

* Dorothy: This is the second man she’s gone away with and she only got here yesterday.

* Blanche: Ed picking up Michael was doing his job. You picking up Ed is something we need to talk about.

* Dorothy: Rose are you telling a story or performing “Our Town?”

* Rose: This mouse is an odd duck.
Dorothy: Rose, how many head wounds have you had?

* Dorothy: Ed for a policeman you’ve led a very sheltered life.

* Dorothy: I don’t believe this, I’m talking to a mouse. The scary part is I think you’re listening.

* Rose: Don’t be silly, you couldn’t even kill a little mouse.

* Dorothy: We enjoyed having you.
Sophia: So did half of Miami.
Dorothy: Ma!!

Synopsis: Sophia is painting her nails in the living room. Blanche is upset because her niece, Lucy, is coming to visit. Dorothy comes out of the kitchen freaking out about a rat, but Rose says it’s a mouse. Blanche wants to call an exterminator, but Rose won’t let her. She tells a story about a pet mouse she had and how he saved her life. The doorbell rings and it’s Lucy. Lucy tells them she met a doctor on the plane. The next day Dorothy is upset because the mouse is still there. Rose tells her she will talk to the mouse. Blanche storms in upset that Lucy never came home. Lucy walks in the kitchen. She tells them the doctor took her on a midnight cruise. Out on the lanai Sophia and Dorothy are playing checkers. Lucy comes out and tells them she’s going out again. Dorothy assumes it’s the doctor again, but it’s someone from the college. Blanche comes out and checks on her. When Lucy tells her she’s going to the Bahamas, she’s upset but then lets her go. After she takes off Dorothy tells her she’s not going with the doctor. Blanche will try and talk to her when she gets back. Sophia tells a story. Blanche falls asleep on the couch waiting for Lucy to come home. Lucy has a third guy with her, Ed a policeman. Blanche tries to ground her but Lucy storms out. In the kitchen Blanche is upset. The girls try to comfort her. Rose tells a story about when she rebelled as a teen. Blanche then tells several stories about her teenage years. Blanche decides to go after Lucy. They all get up to leave and Dorothy screams about the mouse. Lucy is at her newest boyfriend’s apartment. There’s a knock at the door and its Blanche, Dorothy and Rose. Rose compliments Ed on his apartment while Blanche and Lucy talk in his room. They have quite the heart to heart. In the living room, Ed gives Rose a Miami Vice trivia quiz. Blanche and Lucy come out and everyone leaves. Back in the kitchen, we see the adorable little field mouse. Dorothy is trying to kill it with a broom but winds up having a conversation with it. Rose walks in and catches the conversation. Dorothy convinces the mouse to exit the way it came in. Rose is so excited that Dorothy can talk to animals and Dorothy tries to play it off. Blanche comes in and lets them know Lucy is about to leave. Everyone says goodbye. Rose wants to know what she told Lucy that night. Blanche gives them a short version.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep16 – The Truth Will Out

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 16
Title: The Truth Will Out
Original Air Date: January 18, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: How practical, a snack you can panel your den with.

* Dorothy: Tell me Rose do any of your kids still have their own teeth?

* Sophia: Look at this I’m a walking time bomb. Stand back I could blow any minute.

* Sophia: I’m begging you, while we’re sleeping together lay off the broccoli at dinner.

* Blanche: Boy, I’d love to put some surprises in my will. Like leaving a small remembrance who’s brought some special joy or please to my life.
Dorothy: Where would they read that will, the astrodome?

* Sophia: That’s a girl’s name? Charlie, that’s a bookies name.

* Blanche: Have you noticed Rose has been acting peculiar?
Dorothy: Yes, Blanche, from the first day I met her.

* Blanche: What are you going to do with yours?
Dorothy: It’s a log, I’m going to burn it.

* Blanche: I have no secrets from you. My whole life is an open book.
Sophia: Your whole life is an open blouse.

* Rose: We’re in the middle of a make up lesson.
Sophia: I hope the kid can help you, you wear more rouge that Miss Piggy.

* Rose: Dorothy, you’re sleeping with a liar.
Dorothy: Don’t worry about it Rose, most of the people I’ve slept with were liars.

* Blanche: So that’s it? That’s the big secret, Charlie was a nice guy.


Synopsis: Dorothy enters the kitchen. Rose is making a maple log. Dorothy tries a piece and nearly loses all her teeth. Rose’s daughter and granddaughter is coming to town and she is making it for them. Blanche comes in going on about a tabloid. Sophia comes in saying her blood pressure is too high. She is trying to get out of sharing a room with Dorothy. Rose is nervous about her family coming to visit. Turns out she is going over her will with her daughter. Rose has headed off to the airport. Blanche comes home with sequined socks. Blanche and Dorothy discuss Rose’s nervousness regarding her daughter and her will. But Blanche digresses back to the tabloid story. Rose arrives with Kirsten and Charlie. They’ve brought gifts. It’s the same maple log that Rose was making earlier. Everyone has dinner out on the lanai. Rose cleans up dinner and Kirsten helps her. Kirsten thinks that Rose is rich, but when she looks at the will she thinks something is wrong. Kirsten gets angry and Rose. She believes that she squandered all the money that her father had made. She gets upset and storms out of the kitchen. Later that night Rose can’t sleep and is in the kitchen. Dorothy and Blanche find her in the kitchen and attempt to comfort her. Sophia joins them. Rose talks about lies and askes the girls about the biggest lie they ever told. Rose melts down. She can’t tell Kirsten the truth about the money with revealing a secret about her husband. In Rose’s room Charlie plays dress up. Rose comes in to get Charlie for lunch. Rose learns that the only thing Charlie has ever heard about her grandpa was that he was successful and rich. That night Sophia cries uncle, Dorothy won’t stop tossing and turning, that and her cold feet are keeping her awake. Sophia takes Rose’s bed and Rose bunks with Dorothy. Rose confesses to Dorothy but she has pretended to have fallen asleep. The next day Blanche is still going on about the tabloid case. Kirsten comes in the front door, she announces they’re leaving much earlier. Rose tries to talk to Kirsten. She finally tells her the truth, that there was no money. They make up.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep15 – In A Bed of Rose’s

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 15
Title: In A Bed of Rose’s
Original Air Date: January 11, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Blanche: Isn’t it interesting how the sounds are the same for awful nightmares and great sex?

* Blanche: So Rose got lucky.
Sophia: Not so lucky. The man in your bed is dead.

* Rose: He’s shy. He’s very shy.
Blanche: He didn’t sound so shy last night.

* Sophia: You don’t think I can recognize death? I lived in a retirement home. Death visited more often than children.

* Rose: You mean I slept with a dead man last night?
Blanche: Honey, I sleep with them all the time.

* Rose: I can’t believe it, there’s a married dead man in my bed.
Sophia: Serves him right.

* Sophia: Tell her you went to turn on the sprinklers and you found him on the lawn.

* Rose: That’s not why I’m here. I have bad news.
Mrs. Beatty: Well, you couldn’t be pregnant.

* Rose: My late husband had a heart attack as well. They drop like flies around me.

* Rose: I’m the kiss of death. It’s the second time a man has died in my bed.

* Sophia: She’ll be fine. If someone breaks in she’ll just have to sleep with them.

Synopsis: Rose is at the door with her current boyfriend. He begs to “come in.” She weakens and lets him in. Rose decides to take him to her room. The next morning, she happily goes in the kitchen. Dorothy was worried she was having a nightmare, while Blanche thought she was having great sex. Blanche then leads a discussion on great sex. Sophia enters. She tells Rose there’s a man in her bed. The two tease her for lying about having sex. She tells Rose the man in her bed his dead. No one wants to check on him. Finally, Dorothy decides to check on him and Sophia has to accompany her. Sophia and Dorothy confirm he is dead. Rose is shocked and freaks out. Dorothy tries to comfort her. Blanche then tells her how she was notified of her husband’s death. Now she has to notify his sister of her brother’s death. Blanche finds a Beatty in Boca Raton. Rose calls her but learns that Al (the dead man) was married and cheating with her. She freaks out again. So Rose decides to go to Mrs. Beatty’s house and tell her in person. Mrs. Beatty is already aware of his cheating. Rose tells her that Al had a heart attack and died last night. She doesn’t take the news well. Rose explains she killed him. Her husband died the same way. They’re both upset. Back at the house Blanche has Dorothy try a salad dressing. Rose then enters. She tells them that Al is the second guy to die in her bed. She then tells a St. Olaf story and annoys Dorothy and Blanche. Another evening Blanche and Dorothy try to get Rose to go dancing with them, but she refuses. Later that night the doorbell rings. It’s Mrs. Beatty. She came to tell Rose that she was not responsible for his death. His arteries were completely clogged. Another evening out on the lanai Dorothy and Blanche are playing cards. Rose comes out on the lanai to get their opinion of her new dress. She has her first date in 3 months. She’s going away with Arnie. In the kitchen Dorothy complains about Rose being two hours late. They both discuss if Rose had sex or not. Rose enters looking quite upset. She tells them she slept with Arnie and he died. They are horrified. She then talks about telling the Sheriff and him not believing her so she slept with him and he died. But then she starts laughing. Arnie is fine. Her story is a joke. Dorothy and Blanche get upset and storm out.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep14 – That Was No Lady

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 14
Title: That Was No Lady
Original Air Date: December 21, 1985


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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: You decided to install a trapeze over your bed?

* Sophia: Rose, it’s a used car not a seat on the space shuttle.

* Dorothy: We started talking and in 30 seconds I was in love.

* Blanche: You’ve been hit by the thunderbolt, love at first sight.

* Rose: He paid for a new wagon even though my policy didn’t cover acts of swine.

* Dorothy: Your children are over 30, you’re still staying for them?

* Blanche: An auto mechanic is the last person you take a car to, they only make money if they tell you somethings wrong with it.

* Blanche: Sometimes we just have to grab our happiness where we can get it.

* Rose: A motel? A cheap, tawdry, bare bulb den of inequity.

* Rose: Evil is as evil does.

* Sophia: I raised you to have respect for yourself, not be somebody’s floozy.

* Dorothy: You can’t leave your wife and I can’t be the other woman.


Synopsis: Rose and Sophia are playing a board game on the lanai. Blanche comes out excited. She has decided to buy a new car, but she has to get rid of her old one first. Rose needs a new car and Blanche decides to let her test drive it for two weeks. Dorothy comes out, also excited. She has a date. He’s a gym teacher at the school where she is subbing. Rose tells the story of how she met Charlie. Three weeks later, Dorothy and Glenn are at a hotel discussing their relationship. He tells her he is married. She storms out. Back at the house Rose comes home and tells Blanche that her car is having issues. Blanche convinces her the car is fine. The phone rings and Rose thinks it’s Glenn but it’s Dorothy’s boss. Dorothy comes out and they all discuss the relationship. Then he calls and Dorothy puts him off. While the others go in the kitchen Dorothy calls Glenn and rekindles their relationship. Late that evening she comes back and gets caught. Dorothy and Rose go into the kitchen. Blanche joins them. She offers tips on how to check into a motel/hotel. Rose continues to pass judgement. Blanche states she’s never been with a married man as the wife gets the better gifts. Sophia joins them. She lectures Dorothy and exits the kitchen. Rose runs onto the lanai looking for Blanche. Blanche comes out and admits the car is a piece of junk. She needed the whole blue book value and couldn’t get it. Rose tells them that the car was stolen. Sophia tells them that since it was insured she’ll get the full bluebook value. Those two leave and Dorothy comes out looking for her shoes. They argue again over Glenn and Dorothy storms off. At the hotel Dorothy dumps Glenn. Dorothy walks into the kitchen and tells Sophia she broke up with Glenn. They make up. Rose and Blanche return in good moods. Blanche invites everyone to go cruising in her new car. They all stay in, then Dorothy decides they are all going cruising.

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