The Golden Girls S01, Ep 22 – Job Hunting

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 22
Title: Job Hunting
Original Air Date: March 9, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: That’s great. If she learned to catch a frisbee in her teeth she can find work as a Golden Retriever.

* Dorothy: Nice to meet you Milton. I live her, you don’t.

* Sophia: If you have to go out tomorrow ask those crybabies not to call during The Young and the Restless.

* Rose: Why, oh, why can’t grief take a holiday?

* Blanche: I already lost one pound.
Sophia: In your dreams.

* Sophia: He’s a man. It’s not like sharing a yogurt.

Synopsis: Blanche is singing in the kitchen. Sophia comes in and is upset because there is no pepperoni. Dorothy comes in and she’s in a fabulous mood. But Rose comes in with bad news. Her counseling center has closed and she doesn’t have a job anymore. They all try to console her. But she only seems to care about the misplaced patients. It’s another day and Dorothy finds a complete stranger on the lanai. Rose comes out. Dorothy thinks it’s Rose’s boyfriend. It turns out to be a patient from the center. Rose tells Dorothy she hasn’t even started looking for work. Dorothy gets a message that Barry Glick is in town. She had the hots for him in school. Late that night, Dorothy wakes Rose for a phone call. Now the whole house is awake. They all discuss Rose and her situation. They try and intervention. However, Rose tells them the truth. She’s had lots of interviews but no one has been willing to hire her. Dorothy and Blanche go to her room and try to comfort her. Dorothy punches up her resume. Rose feels better and they all go to the kitchen. They have a feast. While they feast they talk about their love life until the morning. It’s another day and Milton is making a pass at Blanche. They make a date. Dorothy is excited about going on a second date with Barry Glick. However, it turns out that Barry is gay. Rose comes home. She got a new job as a waitress. Blanche and Dorothy are shocked, but they finally support her.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep21 – The Flu

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode:
Title: The Flu
Original Air Date: March 1, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: Blanche Deveraux can’t find a date?
Blanche: Oh don’t be ridiculous.

* Blanche: I haven’t had to disappoint so many men since Daddy tore down the treehouse.

* Blanche: I treat my body like a temple.
Sophia: Yeah, open to everyone, day or night.

* Blanche: I feel hot.
Dorothy: I feel cold.
Rose: I feel guilty. This is all my fault.

* Blanche: Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

* Rose: You have done some good work Dorothy, but not enough people like you. Sorry.


Synopsis: Sophia is altering Dorothy’s dress for a banquet. Blanche comes in and announces she bought the dress she’d been eyeing. Blanche and Sophia are still dateless. Rose enters the kitchen looking for aspirin. She is coming down with something and Dorothy freaks out. Rose tries to calm them down. Several days later, the three are all on the couch and they are very sick. Sophia comes in and tells them she got turned down for a date. The doorbell rings and it’s the doctor. She determines that they all have the flu and it’s going to last at least a week. After the doctor leaves, Sophia tells a story about ear salve that turns into pesto sauce. Three days later, Blanche and Dorothy fight over Blanche’s heating pad. Rose comes out with a hot toddy. Rose then tells a St. Olaf story. Her hot toddy is keeping her cheerful, but it should have an octane rating. Rose is pretty drunk. Blanche gets up to turn on her soap opera and Dorothy protests. The three start fighting. The next day, Dorothy is in the kitchen. Rose comes in and asks about orange juice and Dorothy takes it all. Blanche comes in upset about her Vicks Vaporub. Rose was upset about her NyQuil being missing but Dorothy took it. They start taking shots at each other and Rose starts crying. Everyone apologizes. They have a group hug. Sophia comes in and gives them the news that when she cancelled for them the organizer was disappointed. Sophia thinks one of them won the big award. They all decide to go to the banquet now. At the banquet, the ladies are still sick. Blanche shows up without a date, while the others have one. The trio get competitive. Sophia shows up with her date, a much, much younger man. Blanche manages to produce a date, but it turns out she snagged a waiter. She admits her date backed out because of how she looked. It’s now time for the big award. The three start fighting again over who is going to win. The winner is Sophia. Her speech makes the ladies feel guilty for fighting with each other and they make up. They make a toast to friendship and sneeze in unison.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep20 – Adult Education

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 20
Title: Adult Education
Original Air Date: February 22, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: Ma, are you ok?
Sophia: I’m fine. I’m just trying to make Rose go away.

* Dorothy: Rose, one is testing. Fourteen is brunch.
Rose: Good Lord, I’m a criminal.

* Sophia: I hate Jello. If God wanted peaches suspended in midair, he would have filled them with helium.

* Blanche: He said the only way I’d get an A on my final is if I sleep with him.

* Rose: You’ll be so much happier if you use your brains instead of your body.

* Blanche: The talent to drive men crazy with a body that many said should have come with a warning label.

* Rose: To this day, every time I pass an ice cream parlor or a tackle shop, I blush.

* Dorothy: Take a lesson Rose. That’s how you tell a story.

* Blanche: You, sir, can kiss my A.

* Blanche: One day her butt will turn to mush, but I’ll always have my degree.


Synopsis: Sophia is ready to get her hair done, but Dorothy is on the phone trying to get tickets to the Frank Sinatra concert. Blanche joins them in the kitchen very upset. She failed her midterm exam. Dorothy finds out the concert is sold out and she becomes very upset. Sophia says she’ll get tickets. Later that night, Rose is helping Blanche study for her class. Dorothy comes home, she still has no tickets. Dorothy has decided to buy tickets for Sinatra from a scalper. But Blanche has her test that night so she can’t go. Blanche is still upset over her class and tries to go to a bar to cheer herself up. Rose and Dorothy don’t let her. She throws a tantrum. Dorothy tells her about her speech impediment as a kid to cheer her up. The teacher who helped her inspired her to become a teacher. Blanche decides to speak to her teacher. After class, she approaches him for help. However, inside of helping her he propositions her in exchange for an A. Back at the house, Rose made jello for Sophia. She’s not amused and gets grumpy with Rose. Dorothy comes home and instantly Sophia asks if she got tickets. She didn’t and she’s upset. Blanche comes in and tells them what happened. Dorothy informs her that what he did is sexual harassment. Dorothy volunteers to help her so she’ll pass the class. Dorothy tells a story about when she was sexually harassed. Blanche decides to report him. Rose also tells a story about being sexually harassed. Blanche goes to visit the Dean. She tells him about the sexual harassment by the professor. She tells him that she is failing and that he offered to give her an A if she would have sex with him. The Dean tells her that it’s her word against his and there is nothing he can do. Blanche storms into the kitchen, still upset. Rose tells her that she won four tickets to the Sinatra concert. Blanche tries to tell her what happened as Dorothy runs in excited that she got 3 tickets. Blanche tries again to tell what happened in the Dean’s office. But Rose starts trying to tell the ticket story. Blanche cuts her off and gives a short version. Before Blanche can tell tell her story, Sophia comes in with third row tickets. They’ve not got 10 tickets. Blanche storms out upset. She’s decided she’s going to study her butt off to pass that test. It’s the night of the test and Blanche is the last student left. The professor gives her the offer one last time. She refuses, but thanks him for motivating her into studying hard enough that she could pass. After telling him off she storms out. Back at the house, the other three finally come home. They didn’t get home til after 2am. They got arrested scalping the tickets to an undercover police officer. No one got to see the concert. Blanche brings up her test. She tells them she told the professor off.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep19 – Second Motherhood

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 19
Title: Second Motherhood
Original Air Date: February 18, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: Great, my unmarried daughter wants to spend her weekend with a toilet.

* Dorothy: Come on, Blanche, even the paper boy knows where you’ll end up.

* Dorothy: Great Rose, call the Tidy Bowl man. He’ll jump in his boat and spread the news.

* Rose: You sure know your way around a snake.
Dorothy: I’ve had a lot of experience. After all, I was married to one for 38 years.

* Blanche: How can I say no to the man I love? I can’t even say no to men I like.

* Sophia: You’re making a big mistake. The man might be a moron but he knows how to fix a toilet.

* Sophia: Knock it off. It’s water not oil.


Synopsis: The ladies are looking for a plumber. Rose looks at the bid and thinks they are getting ripped off. She’s got experience with plumbing. Dorothy and Rose decide to fix the toilet themselves. Blanche joins them in the kitchen and the ladies discuss her current boyfriend. She’s worried that he thinks she’s only dating him for his money. Their date that night takes place on his plane. She’s a basket case on the plane. Back at the house, Rose is tapping the bathroom wall looking for a pipe. Dorothy comes in to find out why she is doing it because she woke her up. Blanche comes in and tells them about her date. Richard wants to introduce her to his family. Sophia comes in and kicks them out as she actually needs to use the bathroom. It’s Saturday night, and the two plumbers are excited about the new toilet being delivered. The plumber thinks they are nuts to install it themselves. He leaves the toilet in the living room. Dorothy and Rose are not able to move the toilet themselves. Rose sits on it to think just as Blanche brings Richard to meet them. She shows the two her engagement ring. But she can’t marry him. The girls are confused. It turns out that he has two young children. She is upset and going to have to tell him know. They all head into the kitchen. Neither Dorothy nor Rose can help her decide. Both tell stories about their kids. Sophia bursts into the kitchen excited about the toilet in front of the tv. Later, the two are working in the bathroom. Dorothy explodes with frustration. A mishap takes place as Sophia walks in with a plumber. They throw him out and Dorothy slams the door in his face. Blanche returns from her date but it was just the kids. She’s still on the fence about marrying Richard. She’s worried about the kids because they don’t get to see their father enough. Blanche doesn’t want him to marry her just to get a mother for his kids. That night, Blanche is on the plane again with Richard. She discusses with him where she stands right now and tells them that his kids should be the most important thing in his life. But she tells him she can’t marry him and gives him the ring back. She goes to leave but then remembers that she’s on a plane and they both laugh. The pair are back in the bathroom and have finally finished it. Blanche comes in to congratulate them on their success. Sophia comes in too. They then demonstrate everything works for her and she is not impressed.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep18 – The Operation

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 18
Title: The Operation
Original Air Date: February 8, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: You drink out of a paper bag in the park and suddenly everybody is your friend.

* Sophia: I won’t dance, don’t ask me.

* Sophia: A mother knows when her child is lying, it’s like bat radar.

* Dorothy: You win, you always win but you don’t play fair.
Sophia: That’s why I always win.

* Dorothy: Rose, do a big ugly man with a limp a favor and shut up.

* Dorothy: You’re not serious.
Sophia: No, I’m just acting as stupid as you are.

* Dorothy: More men have seen my bottom today than in my entire life.

* Blanche: I think I caught what Dorothy has. My foot hurts.

* Rose: If you end up in a puddle tonight you better break into Singing In The Rain.


Synopsis: Blanche and Rose bring Dorothy home, limping. She has injured herself tap dancing. Dorothy brushes it off as no big deal. They head into the kitchen for a snack. Dorothy’s foot continues to cause her pain. Blanche tells her to do a Cincinnati Time step and when she does she exclaims in pain. The next day Blanche and Rose practice while Dorothy is at the doctor. When she comes home she lies and tells them she is fine. Sophia tells her she is lying and forces her to tell the truth. She has a small tumor in her foot that needs to be removed. It can be removed, but she does not want to do it. She has a panic attack. Sophia guilts her into having surgery. Dorothy checks in to the hospital the night before the surgery but the girls don’t calm her fears and she tries to leave. After the girls leave a doctor comes in and tells her that he will be doing her surgery because the scheduled doctor is going to be in court. Later that evening a Priest arrives. He starts giving Dorothy her last rites. He’s in the wrong room and doesn’t help her fears. Back at the house Blanche is getting ready to go out. She sees Dorothy walk by. Rose runs in telling Blanche to call the police. They try to get her to go back to the hospital. Sophia comes in and Dorothy keeps trying to not go back. So she tells about being left alone at 5 years old in the hospital. She continues to say no, so Sophia tells her she will remove the tumor. Dorothy agrees to go back to the hospital. She has a roommate now who has to have surgery as well. After she tells Dorothy her story, Dorothy is singing a whole different tune. Back at the house, Rose is trying to get Blanche to go to the recital. Blanche tells Rose that she is afraid to perform in front of groups. She then tells her an embarrassing story from her childhood. Rose, however, is not taking it. She makes her go. Dorothy wakes up to find her mom asleep in the chair next to her. Blanche and Rose come to visit Dorothy. The two had to change up their act. They perform their routine for Dorothy and Sophia. She’s impressed but pissed. She puts her arm through Rose’s hat.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep17 – Nice and Easy

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 17
Title: Nice and Easy
Original Air Date: February 1, 1986

Favorite Quotes:

* Blanche: All right, you all please, no more rat talk.

* Dorothy: At 30,000 feet, she picks up a doctor, now I see the resemblance.

* Dorothy: Rose, do you have any idea how weird you are?

* Dorothy: This is the second man she’s gone away with and she only got here yesterday.

* Blanche: Ed picking up Michael was doing his job. You picking up Ed is something we need to talk about.

* Dorothy: Rose are you telling a story or performing “Our Town?”

* Rose: This mouse is an odd duck.
Dorothy: Rose, how many head wounds have you had?

* Dorothy: Ed for a policeman you’ve led a very sheltered life.

* Dorothy: I don’t believe this, I’m talking to a mouse. The scary part is I think you’re listening.

* Rose: Don’t be silly, you couldn’t even kill a little mouse.

* Dorothy: We enjoyed having you.
Sophia: So did half of Miami.
Dorothy: Ma!!

Synopsis: Sophia is painting her nails in the living room. Blanche is upset because her niece, Lucy, is coming to visit. Dorothy comes out of the kitchen freaking out about a rat, but Rose says it’s a mouse. Blanche wants to call an exterminator, but Rose won’t let her. She tells a story about a pet mouse she had and how he saved her life. The doorbell rings and it’s Lucy. Lucy tells them she met a doctor on the plane. The next day Dorothy is upset because the mouse is still there. Rose tells her she will talk to the mouse. Blanche storms in upset that Lucy never came home. Lucy walks in the kitchen. She tells them the doctor took her on a midnight cruise. Out on the lanai Sophia and Dorothy are playing checkers. Lucy comes out and tells them she’s going out again. Dorothy assumes it’s the doctor again, but it’s someone from the college. Blanche comes out and checks on her. When Lucy tells her she’s going to the Bahamas, she’s upset but then lets her go. After she takes off Dorothy tells her she’s not going with the doctor. Blanche will try and talk to her when she gets back. Sophia tells a story. Blanche falls asleep on the couch waiting for Lucy to come home. Lucy has a third guy with her, Ed a policeman. Blanche tries to ground her but Lucy storms out. In the kitchen Blanche is upset. The girls try to comfort her. Rose tells a story about when she rebelled as a teen. Blanche then tells several stories about her teenage years. Blanche decides to go after Lucy. They all get up to leave and Dorothy screams about the mouse. Lucy is at her newest boyfriend’s apartment. There’s a knock at the door and its Blanche, Dorothy and Rose. Rose compliments Ed on his apartment while Blanche and Lucy talk in his room. They have quite the heart to heart. In the living room, Ed gives Rose a Miami Vice trivia quiz. Blanche and Lucy come out and everyone leaves. Back in the kitchen, we see the adorable little field mouse. Dorothy is trying to kill it with a broom but winds up having a conversation with it. Rose walks in and catches the conversation. Dorothy convinces the mouse to exit the way it came in. Rose is so excited that Dorothy can talk to animals and Dorothy tries to play it off. Blanche comes in and lets them know Lucy is about to leave. Everyone says goodbye. Rose wants to know what she told Lucy that night. Blanche gives them a short version.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep16 – The Truth Will Out

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 16
Title: The Truth Will Out
Original Air Date: January 18, 1986


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Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: How practical, a snack you can panel your den with.

* Dorothy: Tell me Rose do any of your kids still have their own teeth?

* Sophia: Look at this I’m a walking time bomb. Stand back I could blow any minute.

* Sophia: I’m begging you, while we’re sleeping together lay off the broccoli at dinner.

* Blanche: Boy, I’d love to put some surprises in my will. Like leaving a small remembrance who’s brought some special joy or please to my life.
Dorothy: Where would they read that will, the astrodome?

* Sophia: That’s a girl’s name? Charlie, that’s a bookies name.

* Blanche: Have you noticed Rose has been acting peculiar?
Dorothy: Yes, Blanche, from the first day I met her.

* Blanche: What are you going to do with yours?
Dorothy: It’s a log, I’m going to burn it.

* Blanche: I have no secrets from you. My whole life is an open book.
Sophia: Your whole life is an open blouse.

* Rose: We’re in the middle of a make up lesson.
Sophia: I hope the kid can help you, you wear more rouge that Miss Piggy.

* Rose: Dorothy, you’re sleeping with a liar.
Dorothy: Don’t worry about it Rose, most of the people I’ve slept with were liars.

* Blanche: So that’s it? That’s the big secret, Charlie was a nice guy.


Synopsis: Dorothy enters the kitchen. Rose is making a maple log. Dorothy tries a piece and nearly loses all her teeth. Rose’s daughter and granddaughter is coming to town and she is making it for them. Blanche comes in going on about a tabloid. Sophia comes in saying her blood pressure is too high. She is trying to get out of sharing a room with Dorothy. Rose is nervous about her family coming to visit. Turns out she is going over her will with her daughter. Rose has headed off to the airport. Blanche comes home with sequined socks. Blanche and Dorothy discuss Rose’s nervousness regarding her daughter and her will. But Blanche digresses back to the tabloid story. Rose arrives with Kirsten and Charlie. They’ve brought gifts. It’s the same maple log that Rose was making earlier. Everyone has dinner out on the lanai. Rose cleans up dinner and Kirsten helps her. Kirsten thinks that Rose is rich, but when she looks at the will she thinks something is wrong. Kirsten gets angry and Rose. She believes that she squandered all the money that her father had made. She gets upset and storms out of the kitchen. Later that night Rose can’t sleep and is in the kitchen. Dorothy and Blanche find her in the kitchen and attempt to comfort her. Sophia joins them. Rose talks about lies and askes the girls about the biggest lie they ever told. Rose melts down. She can’t tell Kirsten the truth about the money with revealing a secret about her husband. In Rose’s room Charlie plays dress up. Rose comes in to get Charlie for lunch. Rose learns that the only thing Charlie has ever heard about her grandpa was that he was successful and rich. That night Sophia cries uncle, Dorothy won’t stop tossing and turning, that and her cold feet are keeping her awake. Sophia takes Rose’s bed and Rose bunks with Dorothy. Rose confesses to Dorothy but she has pretended to have fallen asleep. The next day Blanche is still going on about the tabloid case. Kirsten comes in the front door, she announces they’re leaving much earlier. Rose tries to talk to Kirsten. She finally tells her the truth, that there was no money. They make up.

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