The Golden Girls S02, Ep03 – Take Him, He’s Mine

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 2
Episode: 3
Title: Take Him, He’s Mine
Original Air Date: October 11, 1986

Click either link to get a copy.


iTunes The Golden Girls, Season 2 – The Golden Girls

Favorite Quotes:

* Rose: Gee it sounds kind of complicated.

* Dorothy: I don’t have a husband. Call the police.

* Dorothy: We were married 38 years. You can disguise your bald head but not your emotions. Now what’s wrong?
Stan: I lost it Dorothy.
Dorothy: You never had it Stanley.

* Rose: I have the highest suicide rate in the office.

* Blanche: You’re asking me to spend the evening with a man you describe as having the personality of a dial tone.

* Blanche: Dorothy Zbornak, this was the most bizarre evening I’ve ever spent with a man.

* Sophia: Relax, if they were his friends he’d still have his thumbs.

* Dorothy: Why is it whenever I think I’ve met Mr. Right, I’ve met Mr. Wrong?

* Blanche: If you won’t talk to me how am I supposed to understand why you’re mad at me?

* Blanche: Last night you were dumped by the man of your dreams. It’s not surprising that today you’re a little irritable.

* Dorothy: Stanley you truly are one chromosome away from being a potato.

* Dorothy: You’re wearing your toupee to bed. That means either there’s a woman in your bed or Suzanne Sommers is on The Tonight Show.

* Blanche: Why in hell did you ever marry Stan?
Dorothy: It was my magenta period.

Synopsis: Sophia presents Rose with a plan to sell sandwiches to construction crews. Dorothy comes into the kitchen and Sophia tells her she doesn’t look pretty enough. Blanche announces Dorothy’s ex husband has arrived. Sophia takes an easy shot at Stan. Dorothy reminds her that his new wife, Chrissy, divorced him. Sophia is elated, she previously misunderstood Dorothy. She knows he’s upset. He tells her that he lost the business. She tells him she has plans and he begs her to stay. She goes in the kitchen and begs one of the girls to go out with Stan. Neither Rose nor Blanche want to do it. Dorothy has to bribe Blanche to go out with Stan. Later that night Sophia and Rose are making sandwiches. They ran out of tomatoes and so now the sandwiches are bacon, lettuce and potato. Dorothy comes into the kitchen, still concerned. Rose tells her that she had a Belgian Waffle stand when she was a kid. She learns that Blanche is not back yet from an evening with Stan. She arrives home describing her bizarre evening with Stan. As strange as it was, she enjoyed herself and is going to see Stan again. Several mornings later, Sophia and Rose are heading out to their corner before the sun comes up. They are trying to beat another person to the spot. His name is Johnny no thumbs. Dorothy is concerned. She’s also upset because her Navy dreamboat is leaving town. The truth is he dumped her. While they are all talking, Blanche arrives home. She stayed out all night with Stan. At the grocery store, Dorothy and Blanche have a fight about Stan. They somewhat make up and Blanche tries to comfort her about her break up. After they make up she tells Dorothy she is going out with Stan again tonight and Dorothy gets upset. Blanche lets it slip that Johnny No Thumbs is threatening the pair. Dorothy and Blanche start fighting about Stan again. It becomes a spectacle in the grocery store. That night in the kitchen, Sophia finds IOU’s in the receipts. She’s not amused. Dorothy comes into the kitchen looking for Blanche. Sophia then tells Sophia a story. Dorothy storms back into the kitchen again. When Blanche isn’t there she heads to Stan’s hotel room. The doorbell rings. Rose opens it to find two enforcers from Johnny No Thumbs. Dorothy arrives at Stan’s hotel. He has a woman there but its not Blanche. Stan tries to get rid of Dorothy. She then gives a big speech to the woman in the bed who she believes is Blanche. Turns out it’s a blonde bimbo. Dorothy is embarrassed and shocked and storms out. Back at the house, Rose and Sophia get beautiful flowers from Johnny No Thumbs. Dorothy heads into the living room to apologize to Blanche. She tells her about her trip to Stan’s hotel room. They have another heart to heart, but this time it takes. Blanche does have to ask her one thing. Why on earth did she marry Stan? Dorothy was four months pregnant.


The Golden Girls S02, Ep02 – Ladies of the Evening

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 2
Episode: 2
Title: Ladies of the Evening
Original Air Date: October 4, 1986

Click either link to get a copy.


iTunes The Golden Girls, Season 2 – The Golden Girls

Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: Not this time. I’m tired of being the Tonto of the group.

* Sophia: Fine, break an old lady’s heart. If you need me I’ll be out back with the rest of the garbage.

* Dorothy: She’ll get over it and if she doesn’t, who cares? We’re going to meet Burt Reynolds.

* Blanche: See that man over there, staring at me? He’s undressing me with his eyes.
Rose: Do you want to move to another table?
Blanche: Not yet, he’s only half done.

* Rose: Please don’t let them take me downtown! I want to live!! I want to live!!

* Rose: Oh sure it’s’ always a man with you. Men and sex, sex and men!

* Rose: I’ve kept these bitter butter memories far too long.

* Sophia: Arrested for prostitution? I can’t believe it.

* Sophia: I can’t believe these dumb cops would think anyone would pay money to sleep with you.

* Sophia: You’ll get over it and if you don’t, who cares!! I’m on my way to meet Burt Reynolds.

* Sophia: Oh Cinderella is back from the ball and her three wicked roommates are jealous?

* Sophia: Jealousy is a very ugly thing Dorothy and so are you in anything backless.

* Rose: I’ve never felt so good and so cheap in my whole life.

* Burt: Which ones the slut?
(all three): I am!!

Synopsis: The ladies are having an inspection done and learn that they have termites. Blanche walks in with tickets to see Burt Reynolds. However, Blanche could only get three tickets, so Sophia doesn’t get to go. As the girls are jumping up and down in excitement the exterminator comes back in and informs them they have termites. They have to move out because the house has to be tented. Blanche finds the girls a nice hotel on the beach. At the hotel, Sophia is trying to guilt Dorothy. Blanche comes in and tells a story about one of her many lovers. Sophia tries to trick Rose out of her ticket. They head downstairs to go meet Burt. However, Blanche wants to get a drink first. They sit in the bar and some men come over and hit on them. Before they can leave the police come in and arrest everyone. The place is full of “ladies of the night.” Rose has a complete meltdown at being arrested. Dorothy tries to tell the officer that they aren’t hookers, but he doesn’t believe her. In jail, no one is happy. Rose is more upset than before and Dorothy and Blanche try to comfort her. Blanche decides to try and use her wiles to get them out of jail, but the guard is a woman. Rose now yells at Blanche about it being her fault thanks to her over active sex drive. They all start fighting and then one of the other ladies gets aggressive. Dorothy steps up and pretends to be a man. It works thankfully and the others back off. They all apologize to each other. Rose tells a story about losing the Butter Queen title for many years in a row. Everyone in the holding cell comes over to listen as well. Blanche and Dorothy get irritated and leave her. One of the lady’s comes over and tells her she is from St. Gustav. Sophia comes down to bail them out. But there is a condition, one of them has to give her their ticket to meet Burt Reynolds. None will give up their ticket, so she grabs them out of Blanche’s hand and takes off with all three of them. Later at the house, Sophia is telling them stories of Burt Reynolds. Everyone is upset because they didn’t get to meet Burt Reynolds. Sophia heads to her room. The doorbell rings and its Meg. She is going back to St. Gustav. The doorbell rings again. When Dorothy opens the door its Burt Reynolds. He is taking Sophia to lunch. The girls drool. Sophia heads off with Burt as they all stand there in utter shock.

The Golden Girls S02, Ep01 – The End of the Curse

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 2
Episode: 1
Title: The End of the Curse
Original Air Date: September 27, 1986

Click either link to get a copy.


iTunes The Golden Girls, Season 2 – The Golden Girls

Favorite Quotes:

* Rose: Do they have to be killed?
Sophia: No Rose, many women like wearing coats that urinate.

* Rose: Nothing is so terrible that you can’t tell us. We’re your friends, we’ll understand.
Blanche: I’m pregnant.
[Rose faints]

*Sophia: What shocking news?
Rose: Blanche is pregnant.
Sophia: Holy cow.

* Dorothy: Nine weeks late and you just realized something is wrong?

* Rose: I never grew a beard.
Sophia: You never grew brains either.

* Rose: I live in Florida. Who can tell the difference between a hot flash and a weather front?

* Dorothy: She could be in a coma. Put a man within 5 miles, she’d roll over and shave her legs.

* Blanche: They eat their weight in food every day?
Dorothy: When I’m depressed so do I.

Synopsis: The girls are in the garage. They’ve purchased minks to breed for fur. Blanche has been depressed and is in her room. She finally comes out but gets hysterical again. She tells them she is pregnant and Rose faints from shock. Sophia comes out and learns about the news too and she is quite surprised. When she gets out her book and lists the names of the possible father’s it’s a long list. Meanwhile, the minks aren’t doing anything. Blanche finally goes to the doctor. She’s not pregnant, it’s menopause. Blanche doesn’t want to engage with the world, so the girls make her see a psychiatrist. He cheers her up because he asks her out on a date. At the house, she’s depressed again. She thinks she’s not a woman anymore. The girls try to cheer her up. Everyone talks about how they first got their periods. Sophia tells a bald face lie about an older woman getting pregnant. A vet checks out the minks and says they are too old to breed. Blanche makes a pass at him. Blanche comes back from her date and she is quite happy. Dorothy wants to get rid of them but Rose wants to save them. However, Blanche decides to keep them.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep25 – The Way We Met

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 25
Title: The Way We Met
Original Air Date: May 10, 1986

Click either link to get a copy.

Amazon The Golden Girls: Season 1

iTunes The Golden Girls, Season 1 – The Golden Girls

Favorite Quotes:

* Blanche: I never should have watched it. Why, that shower scene is the reason I never shower alone.
Dorothy: And Goldilocks and the three bears is why you prefer not to sleep alone?

* Rose: Why would you name a room Blanche Deveraux?
Blanche: I like a roommate with a sense of humor.

* Madame Zelda: Move in this house and you’ll die an agonizing death.

* Sophia: The woman has slut embroidered on her underwear.

* Blanche: When a beam of moonlight hit my cleavage, suddenly the band began to play. It was at that moment I realized my bosoms had the power to make music.

* Grocer: Those are very nice cantaloupes.
Blanche: Why, thank you.

* Dorothy: Rose why don’t you save it for The Price is Right?

* Dorothy: Until I met you I didn’t know people actually talked back to their rice crispies.

* Blanche: I know I’ve been having a very good time and there isn’t even a man in the room.

* Dorothy: Oh, I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Synopsis: Rose enters the kitchen in the middle of the night with the lights off. Dorothy comes in after turning on the lights scaring her. Rose thought she heard something. Blanche comes in with a golf club. Watching Psycho was too much for them. The three sit around the table. They scare away their fright with a cheesecake. We get a flash back of Rose and Blanche meeting. Blanche is putting up an advertisement on a local board in a grocery store and Rose walks up carrying a cat. She was thrown out of her apartment because of the cat she has. Blanche decides against Rose as a roommate and leaves. A little boy comes up to Rose and she gives him the cat. Blanche witnesses it and then decides to show her the room. Blanche then shares some memories of other prospective roommates, including Madame Zelda, a deranged psychic. Dorothy drops by with Sophia. The meeting is a little rocky. Dorothy then tells about her first meeting with Rose on move in day. There is some confusion about who gets what room. Rose helps bring in Dorothy’s things and accidentally breaks a vase that Blanche has. They go out to dinner after that. Back in the kitchen its now 2am. Blanche tells one of her many stories of romance. Then they recall their first grocery shopping trip and how it didn’t go well. While checking out, Rose keeps correcting the checker on incorrect prices. They all get in a big fight. When they get back to the house they all storm around. Another argument takes place over how to store cereal. Dorothy doesn’t think they’re going to be successful as roommates. Rose proceeds to tell a St. Olaf story. By the end of her story they are hysterical. Rose puts a cheesecake in the fridge and everyone is happy. As they sit around the table, they eat another cheesecake. Sophia comes in the kitchen, screaming with a knife in her hand. She scares them a lot and so they stay up later.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep24 – Big Daddy

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 24
Title: Big Daddy
Original Air Date: May 3, 1986

Click either link to get a copy.

Amazon The Golden Girls: Season 1

iTunes The Golden Girls, Season 1 – The Golden Girls

Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: I can’t believe I know anyone who calls her father Big Daddy.

* Sophia: You need boots to listen to this guy.

* Rose: This is so much fun it’s like being in Gone With The Wind.

* Blanche: I’m sure there’s a perfectly logical explanation for why my daddy’s lost the stuffing out of his comforter.

Synopsis: Sophia asks Dorothy to taste something that’s expired. She tells Dorothy that Rose tried to get in her room last night. As they go back in the living room, Rose tries to explain and Sophia cuts her off. Blanche rushes in and tells everyone that her father is coming to visit. After going off into several stories, Dorothy cuts her off. Blanche leaves and Rose heads out to the lanai. Rose screams when she finds a tree downed in the lanai. Her neighbor comes over and tries to deny it’s his tree. He insults Sophia and she curses him. The next day Dorothy arrives home with a property map showing their neighbor owns the tree. Blanche comes out wearing a dress like she did for her Sweet 16. She wants everyone to be on their best behavior. The doorbell rings and it’s their neighbor, he’s furious. He leaves and the doorbell rings again. Dorothy thinks it’s the neighbor but it’s actually Big Daddy. He lays it on thick with all of them. He takes his leave to take care of some things. Before he leaves he tells her he is singing tomorrow night. Blanche is concerned. Her father comes home late that night. He then performs for Blanche, but he’s horrible. She is horrified. He tells her that he’s doing this as a career and sold the family home. They have a big fight that brings everyone from their rooms. Her father storms off. The three discuss what’s happened. They go in the kitchen and share some memories. The next evening they get ready to go to Big Daddy’s show as the neighbor storms over. He’s giving up. His wife stays behind and tells them she did everything to him. They three arrive at Big Daddy’s show but they learn that his show has been cancelled. Blanche finds her father back stage and talks to him. He tells her the story of how he met her mother. They make up and hug.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep23 – Blind Ambitions

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 23
Title: Blind Ambitions
Original Air Date: March 29, 1986

Click either link to get a copy.

Amazon The Golden Girls: Season 1

iTunes The Golden Girls, Season 1 – The Golden Girls

Favorite Quotes:

* Sophia: Do you know what they call cooking meat over an open fire in Sicely?
Dorothy: No, what?
Sophia: Poverty.

* Blanche: The point is guilt is a very bad thing. Story over.

* Sophia: I only have one question: now that I’m better why do you still scream and holler at me?

* Sophia: You want to help your sister? Help her to help herself.

* Blanche: The King is gone Dorothy but we must cherish the things he left behind: his movies, his songs..
Dorothy: And his seasonings.

* Dorothy: What’s the use of having a garage sale if we can’t part with anything?

* Dorothy: Come on now, get out of here. You’ve come back more times than Shirley MacLaine.

Synopsis: The girls are having a barbeque on the lanai. Rose’s sister Lily is visiting them. Blanche tells a story about barbeques when she was younger. Rose and Lily share a camping story. They talk about tv shows and garage sales. They all decide to have a garage sale to raise the money for a new television. Later that night, they are going through stuff in the living room. Everything is everywhere. Lily decides to put some candlesticks on a table and all the girls have to rush to move everything out of her way when she heads to her room for a sweater. The next day in the kitchen, Lily is making bacon and it catches on fire. She screams for help and everyone comes rushing. Rose puts out the fire. The girls discuss Lily’s situation. Rose finds Lily in her room holding a dress. Rose tries to convince her to get help. Lily shows her the dress and tells her it’s her favorite because it’s the only one she can clearly remember. Lily asks Rose to come and live with her. Later, the girls are in the kitchen. They try to dissuade her from moving to Chicago. Blanche tells a story about working in a factory. We learn of another of her boyfriends. Sophia joins them and tells Rose moving in with Lily is a bad idea. Sophia tells them that Dorothy forced her to rebuild her life because she knew she could. Rose is still on the fence. Sophia tells her to help her sister help herself. It’s the day of the garage sale. Everyone is trying to haggle down prices and Sophia is not having it. Nothing is selling, they can’t part with the memories attached to the items. They decide to call off the garage sale. Dorothy comes up with an idea. They put a down payment on a new tv and pay the rest off on time. Lily comes out and asks Rose to help her to the couch. But she starts asking Rose to do everything for her. Rose takes a stand and tells her that she needs professional help to get on with her life. She won’t go back to Chicago with her. Lily storms off upset. Two months later, Rose heads to Chicago to visit her sister. She keeps leaving and coming back. She finally leaves. Rose lands and gets directions for the baggage claim. Lily surprised her by meeting her at the airport. She now has a service dog. She apologizes to Rose for her behavior. Lily wanted Rose to see that she was right.

The Golden Girls S01, Ep 22 – Job Hunting

Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 1
Episode: 22
Title: Job Hunting
Original Air Date: March 9, 1986

Click either link to get a copy.

Amazon The Golden Girls: Season 1

iTunes The Golden Girls, Season 1 – The Golden Girls

Favorite Quotes:

* Dorothy: That’s great. If she learned to catch a frisbee in her teeth she can find work as a Golden Retriever.

* Dorothy: Nice to meet you Milton. I live here, you don’t.

* Sophia: If you have to go out tomorrow ask those crybabies not to call during The Young and the Restless.

* Rose: Why, oh, why can’t grief take a holiday?

* Blanche: I already lost one pound.
Sophia: In your dreams.

* Sophia: He’s a man. It’s not like sharing a yogurt.

Synopsis: Blanche is singing in the kitchen. Sophia comes in and is upset because there is no pepperoni. Dorothy comes in and she’s in a fabulous mood. But Rose comes in with bad news. Her counseling center has closed and she doesn’t have a job anymore. They all try to console her. But she only seems to care about the misplaced patients. It’s another day and Dorothy finds a complete stranger on the lanai. Rose comes out. Dorothy thinks it’s Rose’s boyfriend. It turns out to be a patient from the center. Rose tells Dorothy she hasn’t even started looking for work. Dorothy gets a message that Barry Glick is in town. She had the hots for him in school. Late that night, Dorothy wakes Rose for a phone call. Now the whole house is awake. They all discuss Rose and her situation. They try and intervention. However, Rose tells them the truth. She’s had lots of interviews but no one has been willing to hire her. Dorothy and Blanche go to her room and try to comfort her. Dorothy punches up her resume. Rose feels better and they all go to the kitchen. They have a feast. While they feast they talk about their love life until the morning. It’s another day and Milton is making a pass at Blanche. They make a date. Dorothy is excited about going on a second date with Barry Glick. However, it turns out that Barry is gay. Rose comes home. She got a new job as a waitress. Blanche and Dorothy are shocked, but they finally support her.

%d bloggers like this: