Show: Family Matters
Title: Marriage 101
Original Air Date: September 28, 1990
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* Harriet: I want to look perfect. Carl and I haven’t had a romantic dinner date since the Carter administration.
* Carl: You’re not going to wear that are you?
Harriet: Of course not. I’ll just slip into something more comfortable, like a helmet and shin guards.
* Mother Winslow: Carl is my son and in my eyes he can do no wrong, but he’s your husband and you should have knocked him into next week.
* Eddie: Lose your sense of humor Mrs. Urkel?
Laura: Is that your face or did your neck throw up?
* Steve: You know in the back of your fridge I found an interesting specimen growing on the back of a cheese wheel.
* Laura: Steve, we’re supposed to grade each other on this project and right now you’re staring down the barrel of an F.
* Laura: Steve, I want a divorce. Go home to your mother.
* Steve: Laura, I know I’m not worthy of you but I just can’t help loving you.
* Harriet: One thing for sure, he never takes you for granted.
Laura: I wish he would. I’m all Urkeled out.
* Steve: Snookums you do love me!!
Laura: What have I done?!?!
Synopsis: Eddie has wrapped up Steve like a mummy. Carl comes home and to shut Steve up bandages his mouth too. Another day and Harriet comes down the stairs looking amazing. Carl comes in with hockey tickets and Harriet is not happy. At school, Miss Stueben is trying to teach, but Steve is in the class. She and Steve wind up having a lively debate. She announces that everyone is going to be married for two weeks. Steve wants Laura. At the house, Harriet’s got a big bandage on her forehead. She got hit in the head with a hockey puck. She thinks that they are going out to dinner, but instead he’s going to a bachelor party. He leaves the kitchen and Harriet remembers some of the romantic things he use to do that he doesn’t anymore. She’s worried. It’s now the day they found out who their spouses will be in their class. Laure gets Steve. And then she faints at the news. At dinner that night, Ritchie comments about Carl being in trouble. Laura comes home late. The whole family hums the wedding march. Shortly after, Urkel appeals and ruins everyone appetite. The living room is overrun with adulations of love to Laura. It’s the last night “married” for the school project and Steve puts on some romantic music. He tries to kiss her and she throws him on the floor. She asks him to leave and he gives her a ring. It’s a real diamond. She doesn’t want to accept it as she feels its too much. When he tells her it was only $800 she goes into a meltdown. He responds with some sweet words and she cries. She goes out to talk to her mom, still upset. They have a talk. Carl overhears Harriet say how lucky she is that he loves her enough to show her. Back in class, we hear different stories about the “marriages” that took place. Steve gives Laura a short, but glowing, review. Laura lists all of Steve’s bad qualities, but then surprises everyone by giving him an A+. Carl comes home and greets Harriet. She is still upset. He tells her that he overheard her conversation with Laura. He apologizes, tells her he has dinner reservations and then gives her the diamond ring.