Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 3 Episode: 11
Title: Three on a Couch
Original Air Date: December 5, 1987
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Favorite Quotes:* Sophia: My name is Sophia Petrillo, and my idea of a good psychiatrist is a bartender who pours without a spout.
* Sophia: You know what I can’t stand anymore? You’re phony accent. What is this Designing Women?
* Blanche: Go on without you? Dorothy this isn’t a wagon train, it’s a double date.
* Sophia: Hey just because you put your make up on with a butter knife doesn’t make you Tammy Baker.
* Dorothy: Forget it, Blanche. I’m not going to kill myself because you have the hots for some guy in a fancy car.
* Dorothy: You put an ad in the personals column that says I will do anything for $8 an hour.
* Sophia: That’s my Dorothy. Always with her nose in a book.
* Dorothy: Since when is competence a crime?
* Blanche: I’m surprised she doesn’t check our underwear before we leave the house.
Dorothy: Those of you who wear underwear.
* Sophia: I knew you were a quack. If you were a legitimate shrink you’d have strung us along for months.
The four ladies go to a counselor. They get in a fight in the waiting room about who’s name the appointment should be under. The doctor comes out to break up the fight. Each lady introduces themselves to him as they enter. He asks them to each tell him a little about themselves. Blanche gives a list of lies. He asks what they dislike about each other. Dorothy says that Blanche is selfish. The doctor asks Dorothy to give an example of Blanche’s selfishness. She tells a story about when she was sick. Blanche had them set up for a double date. She refused to let Dorothy just be sick and bow out. Blanche refuses to cancel the double date. She then gives her a rousing speech that causes Sophia to compare her with Tammy Baker. Dorothy continues to refuse to go on the date, but Blanche continues to push. Sophia gives Dorothy a fourth hot toddie. They’ve each had a different alcohol in them. She passes out from the fourth one. Blanche just propped her up on the couch to partially participate in the double date. Back in the office, Rose is upset that she is always being told to shut up. He asks for an example of Rose’s behavior that upsets them. Sophia tells a story about when Rose put Dorothy’s want ad in the paper. Only it wound up in the personals not the job seeker section. The doorbell rings and it’s a man who asks Dorothy about her ad in the paper. He wants her to be Dorothy and he is Toto. Rose finds her ad in the personal’s column. A priest comes to the door and Dorothy thinks he is responding to her ad. But he’s collecting a food donation from Sophia. Before she can close the door another man rushes in. Blanche comes in and informs them about a busload of Greek sailors outside. Rose apologizes. Blanche then goes on the attack against Rose. She starts defending herself and Scandinavian words start flying. Chaos ensues. The doctor is forced to yell to get them to focus again. Now he asks about Dorothy. They give an example of when Dorothy was studying but both Rose and Blanche interrupted her. Sophia follows them in. The two are scared of the aliens. Dorothy defends the new neighbors. But Rose said they watched the movie “Aliens” and it scared them half to death. Sophia finally gets everyone to exit so Dorothy can study. The doctor sides with Dorothy. Blanche then complains that it’s not easy living with someone so together. Dorothy tells them that if she didn’t take charge when needed the house would fall apart. Sophia jumps in that she has to straighten everything out. She tells a story about when Rose came to her when her boss made a pass at her. But then Blanche comes in with a man problem too. She tells them both a story. Dorothy comes in with a problem too. She starts the story again and is able to tell the whole story. Rose learned that she should stand up to her boss. Blanche learned that there are plenty of fish in the sea and to move on. Dorothy said it helped her pick out dinner. Rose asks what they should do. He tells them that they are incompatible. He’s shocked they haven’t killed each other already. He tells them to move. They sit around the table in the kitchen and discuss packing and moving. Sophia comes in. She doesn’t help. She tells them a story instead. The story she tells them is about them and eating. She tells them that just because it’s tough you don’t give up. You keep going and trying.