Show: The Golden Girls
Season: 3 Episode: 10
Title: The Audit
Original Air Date: November 28, 1987
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Favorite Quotes:* Rose: Ooo Italian food?
Sophia: No, Rose, actually its Chinese food wearing a marinara suit.
* Stanley: These are my tax receipts. Our future is in this bag.
Dorothy: How appropriate.
* Rose: Being bilingual really gets me confused.
Sophia: Ziplock bags get you confused.
* Sophia: And that’s a beautiful toupee you’re wearing. There, now we are both liars.
* Dorothy (to Stan): I could vomit just looking at you.
* Dorothy: Just shut up and put your hair on.
* Rose: Blanche, these are the answers to the test. Where did you get these?
Blanche: I’ll give you one guess.
Rose: You slept with the teacher?
* Dorothy: I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see Uncle Sam going through my purse.
* Stanley: I guess I finally became what I feared the most: another middle aged bald guy who drives a Toyota.
Sophia is making a spaghetti sauce in the kitchen. Dorothy thinks its delicious. Blanche comes in upset that she hasn’t had a date in 8 days. She gets dramatic. Rose comes in, she’s excited about something new she will be doing. Rose tells them she can’t have her promotion unless she is bilingual. Blanche thinks its bisexual. Rose signed up for a Spanish class. Blanche decides to take the class too. The doorbell rings. Rose decides to immerse herself in the culture. It was Stan at the door. No one is happy to see him. Stan informs Dorothy that they are being audited. Dorothy is furious. He’ll bring everything over tomorrow night. Dorothy is very upset. The next evening, Rose heads off to class. Blanche goes with her. She’s all dressed up though. Stanley arrives. All his paperwork is in a garbage bag. He tries to sweet talk Sophia, but it doesn’t work. They start to go over the first tax return and immediately Dorothy finds something she knew nothing about. He gets all dramatic and gives a speech from a movie. She then asks about a $2500 deduction for a gift. It was for her diamond ring. She thanks him but then notices deductions for a corvette. She starts screaming at him and throws him out. She wants Stan to go to jail and get a scary boyfriend. Sophia comes out to see what the racket is about. It’s the day of the audit. Dorothy is still very upset. They get called in. Stan offends the auditor almost instantly. He tells Stan to cut the crap out. They wind up only owing $5,000. They have 30 days to come up with their half. Stan starts crying. But she rubs more salt in the wounds, hits him and then leaves. That night Blanche comes home to find Rose studying for the Spanish test. Blanche gives her the answers to the test. Rose immediately assumes Blanche slept with teacher. She didn’t’ sleep with him, she just promised she would. Rose refuses to cheat. She tells Blanche a story about cheating. She fed bb’s to her pig to get his weight up to win at the county fair. Dorothy comes in the kitchen. She can’t sleep. Sophia joins them as well. Dorothy only has half of the amount owed. She decides to sell some of her belongings to make up the difference. The next day Dorothy and the girls take a box of things to a pawn shop. Rose tries out her Spanish, but the guy thinks she is trying to rob him. He only offers $100 for the whole box. Blanche tries to give the items a big back story to increase its value. He tells her the ring she is wearing is the only thing of value. He offers $800 and goes all the way up to $1200. She doesn’t to part with it until Blanche reminds her who Stan left her for. Dorothy comes home to find the two of them on the couch instead of Spanish class. The doorbell rings and it’s Stan. She gives him the check for her half. He gives her a gift. It’s her ring. Sophia told him about the ring. Rose asks Stan how he came up with the money. He sold the corvette. Dorothy thanks him, telling him it’s the nicest thing he’s ever down for her. He starts to reminisce. Then asks her if she wants to go to bed.
Categories: The Golden Girls