Show: The Golden Girls
Title: Twas the Night Before Christmas
Original Air Date: December 20, 1986
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* Blanche: Now it’s time to find out who’s naughty or nice.
* Dorothy: I guess I’m just sad because Christmas doesn’t have any meaning anymore, it’s just gotten so commercial.
* Rose: A Santa Claus is never off duty. As long as you’ve got that suit on you better be focused on giving people what they want for Christmas.
Dorothy: He was trying to Rose. I saw Blanche’s list.
* Blanche: The sight of a Santa sets my body on fire with flaming desire.
* Dorothy: Blanche, what do we look like, Charlie’s Angels?
* Blanche: He’s been holding us hostage all this time with a toy gun??!!
* Dorothy: Blanche, I could get herpes listening to this story!!
Synopsis: Blanche comes home, she yells everyone’s name. No one responds and she and Santa Clause run back to her room. Moments later, Dorothy, and Rose come home. Blanche comes running down the hall wearing Sant’s hat and beard. Rose scolds Santa. She then kicks him out. Sophia comes home. Meanwhile, Blanche goes into a Santa frenzy. Sophia tells them about her Christmas shopping and how she charged it all on a credit card she stole from Dorothy. Dorothy then has a meltdown about how she is going to pay for it all. Rose suggests they have a small Christmas before they all head home, but instead of buying things they make things for each other. It’s now almost Christmas and they exchange gifts. Dorothy isn’t sure what Rose gave her, but it turns out to be a maple syrup spigot. Blanche then gives everyone a gift, she made the same thing for everyone. It’s a calendar of some of her many, many men. They each tell a story about one of their favorite Christmas’s. They all sit on the couch admiring the tree. Rose starts to sing a Christmas carol and as everyone starts to join in, she cuts off and starts telling a St. Olaf story. Everyone runs for it. The next day, Rose is working at the counselling center. She’s talking with a very disturbed man. Blanche and Dorothy arrive to pick her up for the airport. She asks them to wait. The man with the issues asks Dorothy if she has a match. She gives him one. He lights it and watches it burn. He totally creeps her out. Another man starts talking to Blanche. He gives her a sob story and Blanche gives him $20. Turns out he’s quite rich and a pathological liar. As they leave a Santa walks in and Blanche has to make a pass at him. But he pulls out a gun and takes them hostage. The Santa gives them a sob story too. He demands they sing Christmas carols. He tells the ladies a sad story. Then he starts passing out presents. Rose, however, loses her temper and tells him off. Sophia comes in at this point. She stands next to the Santa. She takes the gun away from him and tells them it’s a toy. They leave and head to the airport. They make it just in time to catch their flights. But an announcement is made that all flights are cancelled due to the storm. They all wind up in a diner. Blanche starts telling a story and Dorothy yells at her. The diner owner brings them coffee, but also cheesecake. They all talk, he thought they were family. Everyone gets sentimental. Dorothy offers to watch the place for a bit so he can spend some time with his family. It suddenly starts to snow, in Miami. Rose puts on a Christmas song on the jukebox, but it plays a different song instead.