Show: The Golden Girls
Title: Take Him, He’s Mine
Original Air Date: October 11, 1986
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* Rose: Gee it sounds kind of complicated.
* Dorothy: I don’t have a husband. Call the police.
* Dorothy: We were married 38 years. You can disguise your bald head but not your emotions. Now what’s wrong?
Stan: I lost it Dorothy.
Dorothy: You never had it Stanley.
* Rose: I have the highest suicide rate in the office.
* Blanche: You’re asking me to spend the evening with a man you describe as having the personality of a dial tone.
* Blanche: Dorothy Zbornak, this was the most bizarre evening I’ve ever spent with a man.
* Sophia: Relax, if they were his friends he’d still have his thumbs.
* Dorothy: Why is it whenever I think I’ve met Mr. Right, I’ve met Mr. Wrong?
* Blanche: If you won’t talk to me how am I supposed to understand why you’re mad at me?
* Blanche: Last night you were dumped by the man of your dreams. It’s not surprising that today you’re a little irritable.
* Dorothy: Stanley you truly are one chromosome away from being a potato.
* Dorothy: You’re wearing your toupee to bed. That means either there’s a woman in your bed or Suzanne Sommers is on The Tonight Show.
* Blanche: Why in hell did you ever marry Stan?
Dorothy: It was my magenta period.
Synopsis: Sophia presents Rose with a plan to sell sandwiches to construction crews. Dorothy comes into the kitchen and Sophia tells her she doesn’t look pretty enough. Blanche announces Dorothy’s ex husband has arrived. Sophia takes an easy shot at Stan. Dorothy reminds her that his new wife, Chrissy, divorced him. Sophia is elated, she previously misunderstood Dorothy. She knows he’s upset. He tells her that he lost the business. She tells him she has plans and he begs her to stay. She goes in the kitchen and begs one of the girls to go out with Stan. Neither Rose nor Blanche want to do it. Dorothy has to bribe Blanche to go out with Stan. Later that night Sophia and Rose are making sandwiches. They ran out of tomatoes and so now the sandwiches are bacon, lettuce and potato. Dorothy comes into the kitchen, still concerned. Rose tells her that she had a Belgian Waffle stand when she was a kid. She learns that Blanche is not back yet from an evening with Stan. She arrives home describing her bizarre evening with Stan. As strange as it was, she enjoyed herself and is going to see Stan again. Several mornings later, Sophia and Rose are heading out to their corner before the sun comes up. They are trying to beat another person to the spot. His name is Johnny no thumbs. Dorothy is concerned. She’s also upset because her Navy dreamboat is leaving town. The truth is he dumped her. While they are all talking, Blanche arrives home. She stayed out all night with Stan. At the grocery store, Dorothy and Blanche have a fight about Stan. They somewhat make up and Blanche tries to comfort her about her break up. After they make up she tells Dorothy she is going out with Stan again tonight and Dorothy gets upset. Blanche lets it slip that Johnny No Thumbs is threatening the pair. Dorothy and Blanche start fighting about Stan again. It becomes a spectacle in the grocery store. That night in the kitchen, Sophia finds IOU’s in the receipts. She’s not amused. Dorothy comes into the kitchen looking for Blanche. Sophia then tells Sophia a story. Dorothy storms back into the kitchen again. When Blanche isn’t there she heads to Stan’s hotel room. The doorbell rings. Rose opens it to find two enforcers from Johnny No Thumbs. Dorothy arrives at Stan’s hotel. He has a woman there but its not Blanche. Stan tries to get rid of Dorothy. She then gives a big speech to the woman in the bed who she believes is Blanche. Turns out it’s a blonde bimbo. Dorothy is embarrassed and shocked and storms out. Back at the house, Rose and Sophia get beautiful flowers from Johnny No Thumbs. Dorothy heads into the living room to apologize to Blanche. She tells her about her trip to Stan’s hotel room. They have another heart to heart, but this time it takes. Blanche does have to ask her one thing. Why on earth did she marry Stan? Dorothy was four months pregnant.