Show: Mama’s Family
Title: Where There’s a Will
Original Air Date: October 4, 1986
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* Vint: Naomi doesn’t understand why we still have to live in the basement.
Mama: Because that’s where the drips belong.
* Thelma: Your eggs are cold, your oatmeal’s hard and your time is up.
* Thelma: Good Lord, I’m giving up one twisted sister for another.
* Thelma: What’s behind this door is a roll of the dice, we could all hit the jackpot or we could all crap out. Come on seven, buy Mama a new pair of shoes.
* Thelma: Bubba Higgins there are two things I cannot stand, that’s a liar and a poor speller.
* Thelma: I still can’t see myself.
Naomi: Maybe she’s a vampire.
* Thelma: My Lord, I look like I just escaped from Irish prison.
* Laywer: Ms. Harper you’re coming periosly close to losing your temper.
Thelma: And you’re coming perioiusly close to losing your life you little weasel.
* Thelma: I don’t care about the damn money. I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore.
Synopsis: Mama hollers for bubba that breakfast is ready. Naomi and Vint are in a very bad mood. The water heater made a lot of noise and kept them awake. Naomi gives a demonstration of all the noises the water heater makes. Naomi goes on a rant about Aunt Fran’s room and how they wanted it but instead gave it to Bubba. Thelma goes upstairs to check on Bubba. She’s horrified by a poster that Bubba puts up. Thelma tells Bubba a story about Fran saving her life. She was drowning in a river when they were camping, and Fran pulled her out. Bubba opens a drawer and finds Aunt Fran’s diary. Thelma grabs it and starts looking for a certain date. She wants to know about her trip to Chicago. In the diary there is a letter for Thelma. It’s contact information for the lawyer who is the executor of her will. Thelma is very surprised. She pulls down Bubba’s poster in frustration. Another day, Thelma and Naomi are waiting on Fran’s lawyer and the reading of the will. Bubba comes in with a stop sign. Vint nearly gets killed in a car wreck due to the missing stop sign. The lawyer arrives. Thelma invites him in and everyone starts kissing up. She quickly starts moving it along. Bubba comes running down the stairs saying he found another will from Fran. He clearly tried to make a fake will to get everything. However, there is another car crash and Bubba runs out to put the stop sign back. The will is finally read. Ten percent goes to Fran’s favorite charity. The other ninety percent is divided equally between Thelma and also Vint and Naomi. It’s a week in and Thelma is still in a good mood, the rest of her family isn’t though. Naomi and Vint are doing all the household chores that Thelma usually does. Bubba doesn’t want to do his homework and Thelma starts getting upset. He has no interest in playing ball because he’s not getting anything. Vint offers him five bucks. Thelma checks the dishes and is not pleased. They don’t meet her standard. Vint is about to leave and Naomi is not having it. She informs Vint that if he wants his share he’s gotta do his share of the work. It’s now the final day. The lawyer has returned to see if Thelma made it two weeks. She returns from the beauty spot and she’s not in a very good mood. Her hairdresser was missing and a chainsmoker did her hair. Naomi removes ashes and a butt. In the parking lot someone had hit her car and broke her axle. She had to take the bus home. Her dress has paint on it from the bench but she doesn’t know it. She only has to make it three more minutes to get her portion of the will. The lawyer points out that Thelma has paint on her dress and she starts getting upset. While everyone tries to calm her the lawyer tells her not to worry the dress didn’t do anything for her. She grabs him by the jacket and threatens his life. He tells her she has lost the estate. She screams at him until he leaves.