Season: 4
Episode: 8
Title: Extras
Original Air Date: January 16, 2013
Guest Stars:
Georgia Engel: Mamie
Jay Harrington: Alec
Alan Dale: Emmet
Nic Bishop: Liam
Ed Crasnick: Gary
Synopsis: Victoria is still filming her movie. She gets Joy a job as an extra. Joy’s co-extra is Liam, Emmet’s brother. They don’t get along. Joy starts dating Liam and it causes tension in her friendship with Victoria. Meanwhile, Joy is trying to get Wilbur to say “Nana” without much luck. Mamie and Elka babysit him and he winds up learning words he shouldn’t be saying. Back on the set, when Liam and Joy try to steal focus, Emmet flips his lid and has them banished. Victoria does not defend Joy and she is hurt. Melanie and Alec have had a few romantic moments however she has “over-acted” them and has created very unrealistic expectations. She finally tells them the truth and things normalize…over toe fungus. At the house, Victoria finds Joy is still made. She actually apologies sincerely, but Joy is still upset. So she gets her a line in the movie. Wilbur finally calls Joy “Nana.” She’s thrilled it’s his first word. Victoria grabs her phone to video it and when asked for an encore he instead says, “tv,” “crap,” and “bitch.” Joy is furious.
Click on either link to grab the fourth season of the show, it’s a great way to support the ladies and have some serious laughs.
Amazon Hot in Cleveland: Season 4
iTunes Hot in Cleveland, Season 4 – Hot in Cleveland
Favorite Quotes:
* Joy: Say, “Nana.” Say, “Nana,” Wilbur. Na-na.
Elka: It’s official. Men of all ages ignore you.
* Melanie: Okay, everybody! How do I look?
Elka: You’re giving off a Joy vibe.
Melanie: Oh, no, I don’t want to look that slutty.
Joy: Hey!
Melanie: She said it.
* Emmet: Oh, men are not nearly as judgmental as you think. We care more about response and enthusiasm. If you like the show, let us know.
Elka: Especially if you want an encore.
* Victoria: Joy, you don’t date extras. That’s like dating scenery.
* Alec: Wow. I mean, seriously. Are you from circus folk? Because that was insane. I had no idea you were double-jointed.
Melanie: Neither did I.
* Victoria: So, tell me, how can I make this up to you?
Joy: I don’t know if there’s anything you can do. I’m still pretty upset.
Victoria: What if I got you a line in the movie?
Joy: Done.
Transcript:
Joy: Say, “Nana.” Say, “Nana,” Wilbur. Na-na.
Elka: It’s official. Men of all ages ignore you.
Joy: Look, some of the other babies in Wilbur’s play group have already started talking. Actually, I was getting a little embarrassed, so I knocked a few months off his age.
Elka: You lied about a baby’s age?
Victoria: Oh, I wish my mother had done that for me. But no, I’m a self-made thirty-something.
Melanie: Okay, everybody! How do I look?
Elka: You’re giving off a Joy vibe.
Melanie: Oh, no, I don’t want to look that slutty.
Joy: Hey!
Melanie: She said it. Anyway, I want to look a little slutty. Tonight’s the big night with Alec. And it has to be perfect. I have to be perfect. So I spent all day getting prepped and tweezed and waxed. My whole body’s as smooth as a porpoise. Oh, hi, Emmet. I didn’t know you were here.
Emmet: No need for embarrassment. Go on, you were saying you’re as smooth as a porpoise.
Melanie: Men like that, right?
Emmet: Well, it all depends. Sometimes you like the tightly-mowed lawn of an English country garden. And sometimes, you like the steamy jungle of the Amazon rainforest.
Melanie: Oh, no. What if Alec’s an Amazon guy, and I destroyed the rainforest?
Emmet: Oh, men are not nearly as judgmental as you think. We care more about response and enthusiasm. If you like the show, let us know.
Elka: Especially if you want an encore.
Melanie: Oh! I am so nervous. I can’t stand it.
Emmet: That’s just stage fright. You’ll be brilliant.
Melanie: [Sighs] Bye.
Emmet: She’s a mess.
Victoria: Well, we should head out as well. We have to be on the set by 8:00 p. m.
Joy: I’m so excited. I’m gonna be in a Woody Allen movie. Well, I know I’m just an extra, but I’ve never been in a movie before.
Emmet: Darling, just stand where you’re supposed to stand and don’t say anything.
Victoria: Especially to the stars.
Joy: Well, I can talk to you.
Victoria: Oh, no. No, if you even make eye contact with me, I’ll have to have you physically tossed off the set. I think it’s some sort of union thing.
Victoria: Ah! Limo’s here.
Joy: Ooh. A limo. Fine, I’ll drive myself. Okay, you two are in charge of Wilbur. You know the rules. Absolutely no TV, and no baby talk.
Mamie: We promise.
Joy: Actually, everything you say it sounds like baby talk. Any way you can butch it up a bit?
Mamie: [Deep voice] Will do.
Joy: Bye, Wilbur. Say, “Nana.” Nana.[Coos] I’m just hoping his first words will be “Nana.” I’ll see you later.
Elka: A little TV is not gonna hurt you, right, Wilbur?
Wilbur: TV!
Mamie: Uh oh. [Deep voice] I mean, uh-oh.
Director: Action! Cut.
Liam: Liam.
Joy: Joy.
Liam: You’re very good. Completely in the moment.
Joy: Thanks. I’m a bit nervous. Never been an extra before.
Liam: Hmm.
Joy: Though I did play Oscar Madison in my high school production of The Odd Couple.
Liam: Oh, all-girl school?
Joy: No.
Director: Roll cameras again. Action. Cut.
Joy: I know you from somewhere.
Liam: Well, when I was a teenager, I was the star of a little show called the Boomerang Gang. I was the chubby one. My catchphrase was, [Panting] “Wait up, you guys.”
Joy: I remember that show. It was on in England. Oh, I had the biggest crush on…you.
Liam: You were gonna say Roddy McNichol, weren’t you?
Joy: No.
Liam: And now he’s fat and I’m skinny, how about that? So anyway, when the show ended I quit the business to find myself. And I found myself sorry that I quit the business. I was totally broke. And now I’m just clawing my way back in. So who gave you this gig?
Joy: Oh, a friend of mine. But I’m not allowed to say who. This movie has really dialed up her diva.
Liam: Oh.
Joy: How about you? Well, I’m not allowed to say either, even though I’m the one who got his career started in the first place. Ungrateful sod.
Joy: Well, then. I don’t like him.
Liam: Well, then I like you. Do you want to go out tonight?
Joy: Oh, I don’t know. We just met.
Director: Action. Cut.
Joy: Okay.
Alec: Wow! That was– You are– I mean, you hope. And you picture. But you. Wow!
Victoria: You fake-porned him?
Melanie: I fake-porned him.
Joy: Why?
Melanie: I panicked! Emmet said, “men like enthusiasm,” so I went a little overboard. I mean, I was like someone reviewing their own business on Yelp.
Victoria: You set the sex bar way too high.
Melanie: I know! And now he’s gonna expect fake-porn Melanie every time.
I’m gonna be so busy putting on a show that I won’t be able to relax and enjoy it!
Joy: And you can’t go back. It’s like tipping. Once you go 30%, you can’t go back to 20%. You have to fake your own death and find a new manicurist.
[Phone beeps]
Joy: Ooh, it’s my co-star from the restaurant scene. We made a date.
Victoria: Joy, you don’t date extras. That’s like dating scenery.
Joy: Well, passing over lightly that I’m an extra, I like Liam and I’m going out with him.
Victoria: Liam? Oh, no, no, no. You definitely cannot date him. Liam is Emmet’s brother.
Joy: His brother? So Emmet’s the ungrateful bastard who stole Liam’s career?
Victoria: No, Liam is the bitter has-been who resents Emmet’s talent and success. Now you may not know this, but after “The Boomerang Gang,” Liam dedicated himself to having a good time.
Joy: He was finding himself.
Victoria: Well, he should have known from “The Boomerang Gang” that what goes around, comes around. Liam was too drunk to go to an audition, so Emmet read his part and they liked him so much they rewrote the role, and a star was born.
Joy: So, Emmet did steal Liam’s career.
Victoria: If that’s what you’re taking from this story, Joy, then you really have no business being in show business.
Joy: Well, maybe not. But you still can’t dictate who I go out with.
Victoria: But surely you see how awkward it would be. Both of us dating feuding brothers? Am I right, Melanie?
Melanie: Oh, it never works out when I take sides.
Victoria: Oh, come on, don’t be a wimp. Just tell us what you think.
Melanie: I think Joy has a point.
Victoria: Who asked you?
Joy: I’m going to get ready for my date.
Melanie: Me too. I’m seeing Alec again tonight. But this time I’m just gonna try to relax and not fake it, because at the end of the day, men want something real, not some over-exaggerated sex doll, right?
Alec: [Panting] Wow. I mean, seriously. Are you from circus folk? Because that was insane. I had no idea you were double-jointed.
Melanie: Neither did I.
Victoria: You said you weren’t gonna fake-porn him anymore.
Melanie: I know, but I got a leg cramp, and I screamed really loud and he got into it. So I went even more overboard than last time. So now the sex bar has been raised really high!
Emmet: To which I say, brava! A performer can never be satisfied.
Melanie: But I’m not a performer. I’m just a nice, ordinary girl who wants a nice, ordinary orgasm.
Emmet: Excellent exit line. Only, next time toss off the word “orgasm” don’t make such a meal of it.
Melanie: You know, I’m just gonna tell Alec the truth at work today.
Emmet: That’s a terrible exit line.
Victoria: In her defense, it does make the audience wonder what’s gonna happen next.
Emmet: Yeah.
Victoria: It’s an interesting choice.
Joy: You know, we may be extras on the set, but we are not extras in their lives.
Liam: I know. How dare Emmet say that I can’t see you?
Joy: Or Victoria say I can’t see you.
Liam: We should see each other because we like each other and we have a lot in common.
Joy: Like our resentment for Victoria and Emmet. Not that resentment is a good basis for a relationship.
Liam: Oh, right. Resentment will keep you together for what, 14, 15 years tops? [Sighs] Hello, Emmet. [Door closes] Victoria.
Emmet: Liam, Joy.
Joy: Victoria, Emmet.
Victoria: Joy, Liam. [Dog barks] Chance. What a surprise seeing you out here after what we discussed.
Joy: What a surprise that you would be surprised that you’re not the boss of me.
Emmet: And what a surprise that you’re dating my girlfriend’s girlfriend just so that you can constantly be in my orbit.
Liam: Yet it’s no surprise that you think you’re the center of the universe.
Emmet: Well, the Melbourne planetarium certainly thought so when they chose me to be the voice of the Big Bang.
Victoria: It’s a good exit line.
Emmet: It was, wasn’t it?
Victoria: Mm.
Emmet: Let’s go.
Joy: Insufferable.
Liam: You know, if we wanted to get back at them–
Joy: Oh, I don’t want to get back at her. She’s my best friend. But do go on.
Liam: There’s a little trick we extras have called “stealing focus.” I’ll explain it to you on the way to the set.
Joy: Is it doing something distracting so you steal focus?
Liam: Okay, we’ll talk about something else on the way to the set.
Mamie: “The barn is blue. The farmer wears a shoe. The cow says”
Wilbur: TV.
Elka: This isn’t working. The kid’s a broken record. What are you doing?
Mamie: I want to see how it ends.
Elka: Will you put that down? We have to fix this.
Mamie: You’re right. If Joy finds out, she’ll never let us baby-sit again. And I love hanging out with Wilbur. He gets me.
Elka: Let’s get him to say something that sounds like “TV.”
Mamie: How about TB?
Elka: Tuberculosis? Really? How about TD?
Mamie: Like touchdown?
Elka: Mm.
Mamie: Perfect! We can say we took him to a Browns game.
Elka: That would require the Browns scoring a touchdown, but Well– oh– TD.
Wilbur: TV!
Elka: Oh, crap, this isn’t working.
Wilbur: Crap.
Mamie: Elka, watch your language.
Wilbur: Bitch.
Mamie: I may have whispered that when you ate the last Mint Milano.
Melanie: Another amazing presentation. Unbelievable! I-I mean, you’re the best. You’re the absolute best. So, why don’t we go to your place and celebrate?
Alec: Melanie, have a seat. This seems like a good time to say that like any guy, I love praise, but I’m releasing you from having to go overboard.
Melanie: What what do you mean?
Alec: You know, there’s praise, and then there’s praise. Come on. Nobody is that good.
Melanie: Oh, God. You could tell? Well I was just so nervous the first time. I wanted to be really great, so I kind of went all fake porno on you.
Alec: I’m sorry?
Melanie: Oh, God. You were talking about work, weren’t you?
Alec: You faked it with me? Both times? Lock the door.
Melanie: Wait, here? Now?
Alec: Well, we can’t go to my place. The workmen are still repairing the hole you kicked in the wall.
Director: And action.
Emmet: Oh, darling. Have there ever been two people more in love? Cut!
Gary: ‘Scuse me, uh, Mr. Sir Lawson? You can’t say, “cut.”
Emmet: You’re not Woody Allen. Who are you?
Gary: It’s me Gary, the assistant director. I call you every night, we talk about your scenes.
Emmet: No, I talk to Woody every– Oh, dear God. Well, Gary, these extras are pulling focus with their gratuitous business.
Liam: It’s not gratuitous, it’s part of our backstory. We’re getting married.
Joy: Maybe you two should congratulate us.
Emmet: Extras don’t need a backstory any more than the salt shaker. How was your childhood? Did you labor in the salt mines?
Victoria: [Laughing] That’s funny.
Joy: No, it’s not, Victoria.
Victoria: Gary, would you please remind Joy that extras are not to address the stars?
Gary: Anything for you, Victoria. Best 2 1/2 minutes of my life. Again, I apologize.
Victoria: It was fine.
Emmet: Gary, I have an idea. Why don’t you move them to this table over here?
Liam: We won’t even be on camera.
Emmet: You should be used to that by now.
Liam: You bloody bastard. I refuse to be banished to cinematic Siberia.
Joy: Victoria, do something.
Victoria: Oh, I’m sorry, Joy, do I know you?
Joy: For God sakes, Victoria, you just called me Joy. Are you really going to side with Emmet over me?
Emmet: Oh, darling. Have there ever been two people more in love?
[Groans, hacking] [Coughs]
Melanie: Well, there you have it. Un-faked, straight-up, real deal sex.
Alec: So nice.
Melanie: You miss the fake porn, don’t you?
Alec: No. No, of course not. Nice is good.
Melanie: Okay, maybe I toned it down a little bit too much. I’m sorry, I just– you know, I can’t get my brain to turn off and stop thinking.
Alec: It’s okay, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Let’s– let’s get back to work.
Melanie: Right, right, we have to pick the before photo for that toenail fungus cream campaign.
Alec: Now, see, I like this one. It’s both green, and it’s oozing something green.
Melanie: Really? ‘Cause I like this yellow, crusty one. You know, it looks like it’s about to burst. Hmm.
Alec: Ooh, there’s a good one.
Melanie: Mm.
Alec: There’s hardly any nail bed left.
Melanie: Wow.
Alec: Wow. Real?
Melanie: Completely. You?
Alec: Yeah. Guys can’t really fake it. Except emotionally. Not with you.
Melanie: So, why do you think this time? Oh–oh, no. Do you think it was the toe fungus? Do we have some very weird, specific, shared fetish?
Alec: I hope not. But I could live with that. That’s how good it was.
Melanie: [Laughs] You know what? I think it was the toe fungus.
Alec: Really?
Melanie: Yeah, but not in a creepy way. I think it just kind of humanized the whole thing. Took perfection off the table.
Alec: You may be right.
Melanie: Yeah, we’re not porn stars.
Alec: Hmm.
Melanie: We don’t have to do anything filmable or perfect. We’re just two people who really like each other. Find each other fascinating and interesting, and extremely attractive in all the right places. Right, Alec? Well, that’s real.
Victoria: I take it from the pivot that you’re still upset. Joy.
Joy: Oh, so you do remember my name.
Victoria: Oh, come on. I was just following movie star protocol vis-a-vis extras.
Joy: Movie star protocol? Do you even hear yourself? How could you banish me from the set?
Victoria: Well, how could I not, after you and Liam made that scene during our scene?
Joy: You and Emmet deserved it. You think no one else matters.
Victoria: Joy Come on, you know how much I value our friendship. You are the wind beneath my wings.
Joy: Really? That’s how you see me? Down below, puffing away to keep your big, old wings aloft?
Victoria: No, no, no, I mean like the song.
Joy: That is the stupid song! The singer gets to shine, ’cause the singee has to walk a step behind, out of the sunlight, her beautiful smile hiding the pain.
Victoria: Oh, but that’s what makes you my hero–it’s a good thing.
Joy: [Scoffs] For you! And you know what? It’s not only this movie. It’s a pattern with us. I mean, just since we moved to Cleveland, you’ve had me pretend to be your gay wife, lie about your fake goiter, seduce your co-anchor, poison Susan Lucci! Need I go on?
Victoria: Excuse me, but I do not recall putting a gun to your head. Well, except for that one time back in L.A. When we were rehearsing that scene where Honor St. Raven put a gun to her best friend’s head.
Joy: And your housekeeper overheard us and called the police. I got handcuffed!
Victoria: Yes, but then we laughed about it all night with those handsome officers who took us to dinner.
Joy: Okay, maybe that part was fun.
Victoria: And poisoning Susan Lucci was fun.
Joy: It was, a little.
Victoria: Look, Joy, I admit that dating Sir Emmet Lawson and being in a Woody Allen film maybe went to my head a little, and and I lost my mind, and I– and I wasn’t a very good friend. But this is just such a dream come true for me.
Joy: I know it is. But that doesn’t excuse your behavior.
Victoria: You’re right. And I’m really sorry.
Joy: Thank you. And I admit being part of your shenanigans does add a bit of excitement to my life.
Victoria: So, tell me, how can I make this up to you?
Joy: I don’t know if there’s anything you can do. I’m still pretty upset.
Victoria: What if I got you a line in the movie?
Joy: Done.
Joy: Wilbur, Nana’s home. Were you a good boy for Elka and Mamie Sue?
Mamie: Oh, yes. We read Baby Shakespeare, listened to Baby Beethoven I think both of them did better work as adults.
Joy: Wilbur, darling, say, “Nana.” Na-na.
Wilbur: Nana.
Joy: Did you hear that? Wilbur just said his first word, and it was “Nana”!
Mamie: Well, actually, his first words–
Elka: Zip it.
Victoria: I’m gonna film it. Now have him do a second take.
Joy: Wilbur, say it again. Say, “Nana.”
Wilbur: TV.
Melanie: Did he just say, “TV”?
Elka: I heard, “Nana.”
Wilbur: TV.
Elka: That’s from Baby Shakespeare. “TV or not TV.”
Joy: Owen and I made it very clear. No TV, no processed sugar, watch your language.
Wilbur: Crap.
Elka: That is us watching our language.
Joy: That’s it, you two are off the babysitting list. You are never watching Wilbur again.
Wilbur: Bitch.
Elka: I got nothing.
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